Rachel1978 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) Ok, long story short - very bad break up with man I loved over a year ago, NC since, I have been hurting alot and had a constant pain in my soul since the day we split. He has moved on, has a new gf but he phones me out the blue to say sorry for what he did! Over a year later! We chatted for a while and there was no tension but this has left me feeling worse than ever! Why did he have to do this? Now I am hurting more than ever, after hearing him again I was reminded what strong love I have for him. Was it to clear his guilty conscience? So he feels better but I feel worse again! He knows how much I love him, why did he have to do this? I was beginning to come to terms with it even though it hurt, now Im back to no sleep or food Edited April 15, 2011 by Rachel1978
Thatguyintx Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Rachel, I have done the calling a year or more after the fact. Every time my reasons were the same...I felt like I had to apologize and "make things right". In some cases, it really gave complete closure and was a very positive interaction. In other cases, it didn't turn out so good. I still feel it was the right thing to do. I am sure his intention was not to hurt you. How did you leave the conversation? More in the future or this is really clearing the air?
willowthewisp Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I would imagine it was to make himself feel better, guilt. By calling you he was hoping for an "its OK, I've moved on, I understand now, it was the right decision for both of us, I am happy". What he failed to take into account is that you might not be OK, you might not be happy and you may still be very much in love with him. Unless they are calling to say "I messed up, I should never have done that and I wish I hadn't, I hope you are OK and that you are happy, I am truely sorry for what I did" then they shouldn't be calling because all they are really saying is "I still think I did the right thing but deep down I know I didn't and I treated you badly, I'm having trouble justifying that in my own mind right now (probably because I have the new GF and its bringing back memories and feelings and how I would feel if she did to me now, what I did to you), but I am too much of a coward to admit this to myself, so please say what I did to you doesn't matter, then I can stop feeling so guilty". The call was all about him. Your feelings never came into it. If he calls again, either do not answer if you have caller display or tell him you don't want to talk to him and not to call you again and hang up, save yourself the pain.
Author Rachel1978 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Thank you both! Thatguyintx- I think it was for a complete closure for him, he told me he is in therapy now (he has issues but not anything related) so Im guessing his therapist recommended he need to do what he did but whether his intention was to hurt me or not I dont know but he has hurt me so much and now it really is worse than ever as that teeny bit of hope has dissolved. He did offer me his number but I said no, he isnt an evil person, he offers his number out to everyone. It was left as "i'll see ya when I see ya" sort of thing and he kept calling me mate as if we were good friends and every time he said it it felt like a stab in the heart willowthewisp- I do think it was for selfish reasons but also he did feel bad (it was a very bad ending to our relationship and he is the sort of person who would need to say sorry) but why now after all this time I am going to ignore any more witheld calls and it will probably be another year or so till I start to accept again, this has been one of the hardest things Ive had to experience and Im hoping I find strength from somewhere! He did also say "dont worry I wont pressure you because I know you have a boyfriend" and then carried on chatting about something else- but I do not have a boyfriend!! Was this some sort of test?
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