guitarguy89 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Okay, here's my story... 2 months ago my girlfriend of 3 years moved out and left me, Im 22 and she is 18 and we had lived together for over a year but in the last month of our realtionship things changed and she started telling me she wasnt happy and all that stuff. I thought she was just stressed so i didnt pay it much attention and then we got into an argument before i left for work one day and that was it, She was gone forever after that. Now its been about a month and a half that i havent talked to her at all, shes blocked on my facebook and we havent even talked on the phone through any of the break up. I talked to her mom alot until about 3 weeks ago because i just didnt wanna know what my ex was doing anymore because it was driving me crazy. By the way her mom talked my ex seems too be doing fine but when she first left she wasnt doing good at all, she wasnt eating or sleeping much and was crying all the time. I was always the jealous type and i trusted her i just didnt trust other people. Now i think she has someone else and thats whats helping her get over me so quick and it kills me to know this. This girl is my world and still is today, She is the key too me being happy and i just cant get over the fact that all the memories we had she might be having with someone else now. It kills me to even write this. I know there is nothing i can do about us now, the ball is in her court and i dont think she will ever wanna come back and be with me. I feel like i could have done things so much different and not been so hard on her all the time, I feel as though I ruined my chance at happiness and now I have to suffer while she seems to be doing just fine without me. What kills me the most is the thought of her sleeping with someone else, i just cant get it out of my head and it kills me just thinking about it. She is the person i care about most in the world and I dont know what to do without her. I have hope everyday when i wake up that this will be the day she calls and wants to make things better again but it never happens. I talk to girls to try to get my mind of things but it doesnt help, I still know that they arent my ex and never will be. I dont know how i will ever get over this and get to the point where i just dont care what she is doing. I feel like i have messed my whole future up and will never have a chance to make things better again =((
makelemonade1974 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Sweetie, this girl is not worth your whole life. She is one girl. You will have many lovers before your life is over. And you will most likely love someone else more than you loved this girl. You are still very young. What you are going through is withdrawal and intense grief as if someone has died. If you are really feeling suicidal (and this is not uncommon after a breakup - a lot of us have been there), go to the emergency room and tell them you feel this way but you don't want to be committed. They will get you some antidepressants and suggest options for you to get help, therapy, etc. I think therapy is really helpful after a breakup - it's not just for crazy people. If you don't want to go that route - talk to your family, your priest, a trusted friend, and remember that your life is not over. Treat it like an illness. If nothing else works. Get in bed, take tylenol PM or nyquil and watch movies - call off work, eat ice cream, give yourself a chance to grieve. And remember - when somebody rejects you it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It is her problem not yours. You are an amazing, strong, good-looking (I'm sure), intelligent human being with a bright future. What an idiot she is to let you go. You haven't done anything wrong. ((hugs)) I've been there - so many of us have.
Author guitarguy89 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I know what you mean, i just feel like eveything is my falut, that if i could have maybe been easier on her sometimes that thing wouldnt be different and i woundnt have to be without her. I feel like i have pushed her away abd into someone elses arms and that just kills me inside, I dont wanna contact her because i dont wanna know what she has been doing but it kills me to think that i have done all of this too myself and i have ruined any chance of me and her being happy together and any chance of me being that happy with someones else.
betterdeal Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) You have all the time in the world to think. Right now, you are very stressed and anxious, and that's what's leading to depression. Having tried the fight or flight mode (the basis of stress and anxiety) for a sustained period without it stopping the pain, your body and mind is preparing to go into hibernation mode as it cannot keep up this level of worry forever. If you're feeling like you want to sleep forever, this is what it is. As makelemonade has said, you're a great guy, a witty, intelligent, thoughtful, handsome man. Real and authentic enough to feel all your feelings, to be vulnerable, not afraid to be you. You're a real man. So be kind to yourself. Put your thoughts and worries and guilt to one side for just a little while and treat yourself well. You're safe. You're going to be okay. And if you feel out of control, if you feel suicidal for a prolonged period, ask for help from the emergency services. It's okay to ask for help. If you had a Ferrari, you'd get help from a mechanic if it went a bit cranky. This is no different. Edited April 15, 2011 by betterdeal
makelemonade1974 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 It is not your fault. It is not your fault. Remember that. A relationship involves two people. The burden of the success in the relationship was never entirely on YOUR shoulders. She's not gone because you messed up. She's gone because she is not mature enough to see what a wonderful person you are. And she's 18. You need a woman, not a little girl.
Author guitarguy89 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Im not suicidal, i just feel like my whole future has been ripped apart and my whole world turned upside down. I just want her back but i know if she messes with another guy i could never forgive her and never trust her, Thats what im scared of that its just gonna be ruined forever and i dont want anyone else, just her =(
EmperorR Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Im not suicidal, i just feel like my whole future has been ripped apart and my whole world turned upside down. I just want her back but i know if she messes with another guy i could never forgive her and never trust her, Thats what im scared of that its just gonna be ruined forever and i dont want anyone else, just her =( I was once in your shoes, your young I'm 25 my ex fiance of 3 years cheated on me and left me for someone else, I was in a wreck had suicide thoughts all that but yhou know what as time passes by you forget get over it and you will find someone better. Trust me. if you don't believe me how far I've come look at my old threads I wrote from 3 years ago, I don't even care about that girl anymore nor is she on my mind.
Fufu Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Don blame everything on yourself, a relationship takes 2 to work and sustain. She chose to leave you can choose to be happy for yourself. Don't rely and depend your happiness on someone else.
betterdeal Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Im not suicidal That's great news! i just feel like my whole future has been ripped apart and my whole world turned upside down. I just want her back but i know if she messes with another guy i could never forgive her and never trust her, Thats what im scared of that its just gonna be ruined forever and i dont want anyone else, just her =( The future doesn't exist, yet. It's there for the making.
Author guitarguy89 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Don blame everything on yourself, a relationship takes 2 to work and sustain. She chose to leave you can choose to be happy for yourself. Don't rely and depend your happiness on someone else. I tell myself this everyday but it just never sinks in, I fell i pushed the person i love into someone else arms and now shes happy and i have nothing but pain to deal with =(
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Im not suicidal, Then don't imply you are. This is a relationship, not a catastrophic earth-shattering disaster. It happens. And (brace yourself) it can - and probably will - happen to you more than once. You're just 22. You have a lifetime ahead of you. This isn't the end of the world, no matter what you might be feeling. i just feel like my whole future has been ripped apart and my whole world turned upside down. Put this into perspective. Try imagining what the parents of this girl feel like, then tell me your situation is the same or worse. People break up. I've broken up, everyone breaks up. Trust us. You can move on..... I just want her back but i know if she messes with another guy i could never forgive her and never trust her, What she does now you have broken up, is none of your business. She's free and entitled to do precisely what she wants, and if that includes dating and seeing other guys, hanging out and making out with them - then that's the way it is. Forgiving and mistrusting would be completely irrelevant, Theer would be nothing to forgive, and no Trust broken, because SHE'S NOT WITH YOU ANY MORE! It goes for you too, ok? Cuts both ways, fella.... Thats what im scared of that its just gonna be ruined forever and i dont want anyone else, just her. Sure, you feel that way right now, but that's normal. But I say again - you're barely out of your teens. I found the love of my life at 48. Read that again - 48. That's not to say you'll have to wait that long, but she is not the love of your life. If she was, you'd still be together, right? Sorry to slap you up like this, but really - you're a young man, and you have a lot ahead of you. The school of Hard knocks is only just opening its doors..... Consider yourself 'Tara-harsh-post-Maiden'ed.....
Fufu Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I tell myself this everyday but it just never sinks in, I fell i pushed the person i love into someone else arms and now shes happy and i have nothing but pain to deal with =( She left on her own will, you didn't force her with anything to leave. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have lots to gain from every failed relationships, you are still young and so many many years ahead. Don't give up on yourself just because there's things not in favor of your situation. Open your heart and mindset, you will then realize there are so much joy and happiness waiting for you. I hope you start nc to rediscover yourself again and even perhaps look into things or people you may have neglected when you were in relationship.
Fufu Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 You want to be actively chosen by the woman you love and not being settled for. She actively chooses you and you actively choose her. Right now, you are choosing her and she's not doing the same back to you, she's not reciprocating. Don't force and fight for it, you have to take steps back to look at the whole relationship again. My take is, do not wait around for your exes because you just never know if they will ever come back sincerely to be with you. We are accountable for our own happiness and so are they. Letting go can be a form of love and respect.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 guitar, my sympathies. I know it's hard right now but please be careful what you tell yourself. People can convince themselves of many things that aren't true under such emotional conditions and keep reinforcing negative things that aren't healthful. Try to start catching yourself indulging these negative thoughts and resolve to start replacing them with thoughts of recovery and new growth. Life is a wonderful thing even though it has its hard knocks. Give yourself some encouragement.
betterdeal Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 And remember that even when both people are running to each other across a big green field with arms open wide, there's a 50% chance they'll succeed. If one is running the other way, what do you think the chances of success are? She's chosen to run the other way. You can choose to stop running after her.
Author guitarguy89 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Yeah i know what you all are saying and i wanna move on more then anything, I just feel like i'll never get to the point that i dont care what she is doing, she is the last thing i think about when i go to bed and the first thing when i wake up, The memories are what kills me and then i cant stop thinking of her doing all the things that i didnt approve of while we were dating. It just sucks, I thoght she was the one i was gonna be with forever and I guess its just not true.
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