jayto Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 It has been a week since he left with three friends for a two week vacation in Cuba. He is sharing a room with another woman, and another married couple is part of the group. Haven't heard from him. I'm to the point of actually "hating " this man, but I don't want it to come to that. I know where he's staying. Should I leave a "break up" message on his phone, or should I wait until he returns?
stace79 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Why are you to the point of hating him already? Did you ask him not to go, and he went anyway?
Author jayto Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 actually I wanted to go, but it was too expensive. He is sharing a room for "financial reasons" (obviously cheaper if booked as double), but to have no communication while with another woman makes me very hurt and angry.
stace79 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I can definitely understand why you'd be upset. How long have you been together? I can't say this with any certainty, but I'm pretty sure my guy I'm seeing now (we've been off/on for 4 years and we're not officially together now haha) would have not gone if I couldn't afford to also go along with him. I wouldn't break up with him over the phone. But if you feel strongly enough, just be prepared to have the talk with him when he gets back. I wonder why you guys didn't decide to do some other sort of vacation together that you could both afford to go on, instead of him going along and you having to stay home. But again, that might depend on the length of your relationship.
Author jayto Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 We've been dating for four years, very similar to your relationship, on/off. Never seeing other people, we always end up together again for some reason. One week he wants to live together, the next he wants to be on his own. I'm 48 years old and don't want the "grade nine" crap any longer. This trip has pretty much solidified my feelings ... I don't want to be with a man who wants to do whatever he wants, when he wants, with no compromise. I did ask if I could borrow money for half the trip and then I would join in, paying him back in installments, but the answer was no. That is stuck in my head ... "NO", which pretty much sums up my answer whether or not to continue this relationship.
stace79 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 We've been dating for four years, very similar to your relationship, on/off. Never seeing other people, we always end up together again for some reason. One week he wants to live together, the next he wants to be on his own. I'm 48 years old and don't want the "grade nine" crap any longer. This trip has pretty much solidified my feelings ... I don't want to be with a man who wants to do whatever he wants, when he wants, with no compromise. I did ask if I could borrow money for half the trip and then I would join in, paying him back in installments, but the answer was no. That is stuck in my head ... "NO", which pretty much sums up my answer whether or not to continue this relationship. Hm okay. Yeah that would probably bother me too. I was thinking maybe you guys were much younger or hadn't been seeing each other long! I wouldn't be up for being with a man who wants to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants either! That isn't a healthy relationship.
mitchell Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Had you discussed whether he would call you before he left? It can be quite difficulty to make international calls from Cuba. Perhaps he is standing in a phone line crying his eyes out missing you and is upset that he cannot make a call. Or, he might be sipping an exotic drink on the beach and relaxing after banging his roommate all night long.
Author jayto Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 There are many ways of communicating from Cuba ... the internet for example, but nothing. As for the exotic drink and the banging, that's probably closest to the truth. All inclusive, adults only, clothing optional beaches?? Temptation is an understatement.
jane100 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I did ask if I could borrow money for half the trip and then I would join in, paying him back in installments, but the answer was no. That is stuck in my head ... "NO Absolutely, that is your answer.
Author jayto Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 so when he returns and starts calling, which he will, should I just end it over the phone? I find it hard to see him as my feelings for him are still very strong and I'm afraid I'll go "weak" and give in ... again.
Back Burner Gal Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Just consider it ended. Go no contact. When he comes back he can't get ahold of you--he'll understand what it means. What's there to talk about? What on earth can he possibly say that will make this all right? There's really nothing to discuss. And your silence will have more impact than an official break up discussion. He after all understands no contact. It's what he's doing with you. You said in your last thread that you went no contact with his a couple weeks before he left? Or do I remember wrongly? Have you tried to contact him since he left? In any case, I'm sorry for the pain you feel.
nothappyjan Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I agree with the above poster. Totally disappear and never enter into one aspect of communication with him AGAIN. That will be very annoying for him and that is all he deserves. If you try and have a conversation with him he might try to sweet talk you back which you know would only be a lie. So get out and live your life, away from this awful man
Author jayto Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 yes, what he has done is very awful. Four years is a long time with someone, even if the relationship didn't take the course I had hoped. But I know he will be calling, begin to "pursue" me again, I've gone through this with him before. He has broken my heart and although time will help heal, it's still so very fresh. I researched phone calls and internet communication from Cuba to Canada and didn't realize that both are not only very expensive, but some areas have no internet for tourists at all. That I'm sure will be the excuse for not communicating. He's due back Monday. I plan on "no contact" and not taking his calls for a while. My question is this: Is that a good plan, or should I answer and end it right away? A part of me does want to ignore him and drive him crazy, but I know the phone calls will drive me crazy too. Thanks.
veggirl Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Answer when he calls and break up with him. I'm worried from your thread that you will allow him back into your life, tbh. Please don't. Just end it. Don't listen to his excuses, please!!!
Author jayto Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Arrived home less than two weeks ago and has phoned relentlessly. Of course he has said numerous times "nothing happened, we were just friends". Then, just yesterday, I saw the vacation photos posted on Facebook. First he goes away for two weeks and shares a room with another woman. Then he agreed with his friend to post their vacation memories on a social network, for everyone to see. In every photo of him, she's there. Bikini clad, getting a piggy back ride into the ocean, posing at the hotel, etc. I actually believe I hate him. This is one of the cruelest things I've ever encountered. I've ignored him to this point. Now what??
veggirl Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 So have you spoken to him? If not, call him or hell even just text him (he doesn't deserve more, imo) and tell him IT IS OVER, STOP CONTACTING ME. Delete and block him from Facebook. If he continues to contact you, change your phone number. Seriously. This whole thing is so weird and he is sick!
Author jayto Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 yes I've spoken to him. He showed up in my driveway just after returning home. Said he would have called first but his phone was screwed up. It actually was. Tried giving me 'trinkets" from the trip. Said the "girls" picked them out for me. He isn't on Facebook ... extremely computer illiterate. His friend (husband of the other couple) posted the pictures after asking him if it was okay. I haven't commented on the photos. I believe there is dignity in silence. My only problem is my anger. I know it will subside but right now it's at a high level. I can't even eat. I really believe I've gone from true love to absolute hatred for this man.
stace79 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 I think you keep doing what you're doing. Ignore him. MAYBE text him just to say to leave you the F alone, that it's over for good. He clearly doesn't respect your wishes and feelings and never will. Maybe he is just one of those guys that needs to be with a relatively non-committal woman or a woman into "open relationships". I have a guy friend who is into that. I think he (and she) are just nuts, but hey whatever works for them. So sorry. It WILL get better. Just take care of yourself! Journal or talk to someone or take up kickboxing. Whatever to get out your anger.
CambridgeGirl Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 What kind of a jerk goes to an adults only all inc holiday with another woman, share with them, and not contact his actual gf? You should have dumped him the moment he said he was going, never mind wait until he goes and then not hear from him. Forget the turdball, tell him to piss off and get back out there and find a decent man, they do exist.
lizwashere Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 To the OP this man does not respect you or care about you if he did he would have made arrangements with you to go on a vacation you could both afford and enjoy together. I don't see how you could possibly have a future with someone who is so dismissive of your feelings.
John Michael Kane Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 What kind of a jerk goes to an adults only all inc holiday with another woman, share with them, and not contact his actual gf? You should have dumped him the moment he said he was going, never mind wait until he goes and then not hear from him. Forget the turdball, tell him to piss off and get back out there and find a decent man, they do exist. Yea he was cheating. Hooked up with that woman and probably had a foursome with the married couple. And now after having someone post those pathetic pictures on Facebook, he decides now is the time to come running back to you and see if he can have his cake and eat it. Go NC with this trash and don't look back.
Author jayto Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Thank you for your posts. They have all helped. I dediced to go out tonight and have some fun, so I texted a friend. Big hockey game on here and she, her husband and another couple are going to a bar to watch it. I said I would join and then found out he will be there (mutual friends). I really need to get out but I don't even want to be seen with this man. Even more angry now, as my social life is plumetting all because of him.
NoMagicBullet Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Thank you for your posts. They have all helped. I dediced to go out tonight and have some fun, so I texted a friend. Big hockey game on here and she, her husband and another couple are going to a bar to watch it. I said I would join and then found out he will be there (mutual friends). I really need to get out but I don't even want to be seen with this man. Even more angry now, as my social life is plumetting all because of him. Have you told your friends yet that you've broken up with him and why? I hope they can be supportive of you and be willing to do things with you where he isn't going to be around. Or even make it a point to keep him away from you. Do you have some friends, preferably single, that are not in the same social circle as him?
John Michael Kane Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Have you told your friends yet that you've broken up with him and why? I hope they can be supportive of you and be willing to do things with you where he isn't going to be around. Or even make it a point to keep him away from you. Do you have some friends, preferably single, that are not in the same social circle as him? I agree with this. You need to heal from this man. He'll try and use that mutual friendship social circle to manipulate you or worse, to hurt you.
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