BB07 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 You have me a bit confused. While I understand his actions are reprehensible, you kind of aided him that behavior. If you have a standard and won't allow others to cross it at any time a lot of crap can be avoided. Those people that MM develop relationships with leave doors on, lead them on, or entertain the behavior in some way...for whatever reasons. He is responsible for the sex talk, you are responsible for listening. Absolutely correct! OP...........you need to take ownership of your own behavior in this. Admit it.......you got something out of it and a part of you liked it or else you would have shut him down the 1st time he went over the line. You are not the innocent party either.
Owl Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 You have soft boundaries. You allowed him to cross those boundaries with these discussions without enforcing them...basically that gives him permission to continue. You need to enforce SOLID boundaries. When someone crosses those lines, you need to enforce them immediately, clearly, unmistakably. You need to make it clear that they've crossed a line and that you're willing to enforce that line. It's a key tool to protecting your marriage from this kind of situation.
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I ended things today. My boundaries are now solid
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I'm just a little worried about what to do when he keeps pestering me. Do I not talk to him at all anymore? Suppose that is a dumb question...
carhill Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 If the pestering is in person, let H or the cops handle it. If via contact means, like phone, e-mail, text, etc, presuming you 'ended things' requesting him to not contact you further, simply change the contact information. No need to talk to him. Personally, I've found women have no problems cutting off communication when they want to. They're actually quite good at it. I've learned a lot.
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 It's not that I mind if he talks now and than, if he would not get sexual in conversation. He has never called, shown up. Strictly email and chat. We don't live any where near each other, so I don't think I have that worry. Have not heard from him since I told him I didn't want to hear any more sex talk from him and that there would never be anything physical between us. I'm pretty sure it is a completely done deal.
Lucky_One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 It's not that I mind if he talks now and than, if he would not get sexual in conversation. Why? What is it that he is giving you, that you need so badly? What can he talk about that you can't find from a person in your "real" life? Does your H know about this entire pseudo-friendship? Who got in touch with who, first?
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 He contacted me by email today. Just that his job was making him feeling drained. I have not replied.
Lucky_One Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Why? What is it that he is giving you, that you need so badly? What can he talk about that you can't find from a person in your "real" life? Does your H know about this entire pseudo-friendship? Who got in touch with who, first? Why haven't you blocked him?
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