southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) Hello all, First off, I’d like to thank anyone who has taken the time to read and respond to my thread. much appreciated. I am not sure if I posted this in the right thread or not. I will try to explain my situation the best I can in short form. I’m a married women, who has been communicating with a married man for about one year. Have known this man most of my life, we grew up in the same area. We have never dated or had any kind of relationship before. He comes from a very respectable family. All very successful people. He is a very successful business man today. He was always the “geeky-less than average” looking guy. Still is. He married a very good looking lady of a different color. They have several young kids. From what info he has told me, his wife could quite possibly be his “first” real relationship. But, when the friendly “hello” turned into, every day small talk/chit chat, is where my confusion started. I am very much trying to understand this man and what he wants. I have enjoyed talking to him “as friends” but that is as far as it goes for me. He, on the other hand keeps pressuring me to meet him and constantly talks about sex to me. I am not interested in a physical relationship, and I have told him so. I love my husband and four kids and have no intentions of being with another man. He claims he loves his wife and kids and has no intentions of screwing that up. He says he is having “fun talking to me” and that’s as far as it goes, but would still like me to have sex with him. It has gotten to the point, that he has started playing head games. He has started wanting to know if I have sex with my husband and when. He seems to get real upset about me vacationing with my husband, etc. Why does he care about that stuff? Is this guy simply that “inexperienced” that he does not know how to act? He is a very intelligent guy. I have a hard time understanding why he acts like this. Has this gone too far and how should I deal with this guy? Edited April 15, 2011 by southerntinkerbell
Lucky_One Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I don't think he's inexperienced at all!! Sounds to me as though he has had an affair before, and he is grooming you hard to be his next OW. If you really really mean it that you have no intentions of having sex with him, and if he is still persisting in sexual talk with you, then WHY are you still talking with him?
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 He's playing you like a fiddle... And he's on your mind alot which is what he wants. Look at the ring on your finger and remember you're married. Don't even bother opening the door to friendship or flirting with this MM... It will only lead to trouble and you know it! Already he's peaked your interest, right? Focus that energy into your marriage and husband, forget the MM. You're married, he's married. Remember that! What's the point of pursuing this path unless you want an affair?
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Yeah! Complicated isnt it? I guess I am still talking to him because I knew him growing up, and I have enjoyed the daily chit chat. Never has cheating on my husband been on my mind with guy but for some reason, he just will not take no for an answer. Hate to tell him to hit the highway. Guess I might have to. Am i to blame for the sexual advancements?
Irishlove Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Tell this guy you have no intention of any physical contact and if he keeps talking in that manner that you can no longer be friends because you are uncomfortable. If he doesn't stop then you tell your husband.
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 You are if you still keep this guy in your life. You know he's looking for something and he's NO true friend. If he was only interested in 'friendship' then he'd be asking you and your H to join him and his wife for dinner. Having "daily chitchat" is feeding your ego, making you feel good. Only a matter of time before you get used to that attention and you'll NEED it to survive, you'll automatically detach from your husband and pour more energy into another (married) man, which WILL cause issues in your own marriage. STOP this before it goes too far. how would you like if your husband was flirting or allowing flirting to happen to him, keeping a friendship going behind your back with another woman?
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I have told him I do not want sex with him. He will still email me daily. What do you suggest I say to him to end the sex talk?
BB07 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 It's not complicated at all, in fact it's incredibly simple. He is telling you he is happily married, (believe him) but is wanting a little sex from you on the side. Women sometimes make a fatal mistake in assuming that since he is looking for action on the side that he isn't content in his marriage. This guy is clearly telling you EXACTLY what he wants. For yourself why are you so seduced by his ego strokes and why are you having a improper relationship with another man? Improper means something you have to hide from your husband.
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I have told him I do not want sex with him. He will still email me daily. What do you suggest I say to him to end the sex talk? Just cut contact with him since he isn't respecting you at all. Why are you still intouch with him? Block him. You owe him nothing, and don't worry about hurting his feelings..Trust me, you won't. If anything, his ego will be bruised.
BB07 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I have told him I do not want sex with him. He will still email me daily. What do you suggest I say to him to end the sex talk? Oh good grief.......if you want it to end, just tell him to f off. This guy is NOT your friend.
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Ever heard the song "Hit the road jack"? You are responsible for who you talk to and how they talk to you. The ball is in your court.
BB07 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Yeah! Complicated isnt it? I guess I am still talking to him because I knew him growing up, and I have enjoyed the daily chit chat. Never has cheating on my husband been on my mind with guy but for some reason, he just will not take no for an answer. Hate to tell him to hit the highway. Guess I might have to. Am i to blame for the sexual advancements? In answer to your question about the blame. If you have listened to him when it starts going south without cutting him off right then and there, yes you have encouraged it.
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Why do happily married men want sex from other women? Does this happen a lot? Why be married than? If he is happy and getting it at home, why does he want it elsewhere?? Just a thought.....
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Have known this man most of my life, we grew up in the same area. Known him as in, you knew him when you were younger...And he's been in your daily life as a friend ever since?? I hate it when people look back and say "I've known that person since I was a kid, like 20 years!" but infact, neither one has been intouch or in eachother's daily lives, let alone SPOKEN in 15 years!! WTF. You do not know him and he doesn't know you. Only thing you know is what he shares with you now and what you've shared with him. Again, he isn't a friend. if he was, he wouldn't be trying to open the affair door and crossing lines with you. You say you've been talking to him for a year and just NOW he's pulling this crap?
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Why do happily married men want sex from other women? Does this happen a lot? Why be married than? If he is happy and getting it at home, why does he want it elsewhere?? Just a thought..... Who cares? But I will answer. Because some MM just want sex on the side. Meaningless, fun hot sex if they can get away with it. I asked you how YOU would feel if your H had a woman friend on the side you didn't know about and this was going on behind his back.. How would you feel?
carhill Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Change your e-mail address. Problem solved. For a stronger response, be transparent with your H about this inappropriate 'sexual advancement' by him, provide H with his contact information and wash your hands of it. Men know how to deal with men.
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 No. He pretty much pulled this crap from day one. Every time he brought up sex i would not respond. I have always kept my conversation on the norm with him. I suppose I have enjoyed the attention. At first i took his sexual comments with a grain of salt thinking he was just joking around. Should have stopped talking to him long ago. Feel like a tool....
BB07 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Why do happily married men want sex from other women? Boredom......ego stroking, risk taking, validation that they still have it. Does this happen a lot? Every day. Why be married than? Because they like being married, but like getting something extra on the side if they can get away with and feel they won't get caught. If he is happy and getting it at home, why does he want it elsewhere?? I said it in a previous post and you are making a mistake in believing that if he was really happy at home, he wouldn't be looking for something else on the side. That thinking has been the FATAL mistake that a lot of women make. Just a thought..... You should ask yourself why are you playing into his little game and why are you needing the ego strokes and the feelings of being wanted? What is missing within you that makes you think you need what he is giving you?
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I would not like it at all if my husband was flirting with another women!! You guys are all right. I am going to tell him, "thanks but no thanks", today! I am glad I posted here. You all are awesome! ps - come to think about it....this guy has also refered to other women in a sexual way also........ Geek with a high sex drive I guess!! lol
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 No. He pretty much pulled this crap from day one. Every time he brought up sex i would not respond. I have always kept my conversation on the norm with him. I suppose I have enjoyed the attention. At first i took his sexual comments with a grain of salt thinking he was just joking around. Should have stopped talking to him long ago. Feel like a tool.... Well, because you continued keeping contact with him and didn't end the friendship, he's learned that you're OK with his behaviour and will put up with it. He knows you were getting something out of it too, attention, ego stroke. Well, now he's pushing to take it to the next level. Just stop talking to him. He isn't a sweet nice guy you USED to know. He's a horny married man looking for some fun on the side.
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Are all men like this? Your scareing me!! My husband could be banging some chick as we speek!! lol
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I would not like it at all if my husband was flirting with another women!! You guys are all right. I am going to tell him, "thanks but no thanks", today! I am glad I posted here. You all are awesome! ps - come to think about it....this guy has also refered to other women in a sexual way also........ Geek with a high sex drive I guess!! lol More like coward without jewels or a backbone.
Author southerntinkerbell Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 So, I could be intimate with my husband each day, and still he could want another women? wtf! How do us women know when he is doing this? to me people like this seem messed up.
BB07 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I would simply tell him that you wouldn't do anything to hurt your husband including talking about your sex life, or talking about sex at all with this friend. If he can't respect your wish to remain respectful to your husband, then this isn't a friend you can keep. Either he respects you as a friend and will respect your boundaries or he will drop you. Either way, you have your answer. Well, because you continued keeping contact with him and didn't end the friendship, he's learned that you're OK with his behaviour and will put up with it. He knows you were getting something out of it too, attention, ego stroke. Well, now he's pushing to take it to the next level. Just stop talking to him. He isn't a sweet nice guy you USED to know. He's a horny married man looking for some fun on the side. Both posts are excellent and get right to the heart of it. OP.....the best thing you can do is cut it completely off, don't listen to his apologies are bull****e excuses or you will be sucked back in. He ISN'T your friend or he would have never disrespected you to start with. He is getting his jollies by fantasizing about sex with you and the talk is just another extension of that. Just stop participating.
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Are all men like this? Your scareing me!! My husband could be banging some chick as we speek!! lol You have me a bit confused. While I understand his actions are reprehensible, you kind of aided him that behavior. If you have a standard and won't allow others to cross it at any time a lot of crap can be avoided. Those people that MM develop relationships with leave doors on, lead them on, or entertain the behavior in some way...for whatever reasons. He is responsible for the sex talk, you are responsible for listening.
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