Stubbie Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I am a 16 year old female and I have had a crush on a 29 year old for a long time I am not to shore if this is just because my older sister got with a 30 year old at the age of 17 or because I really like the guy? I don't know what to do is it wrong to like someone the is 13 years older than you?
tman666 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Well, depending on the laws in your area, that could end up being "statutory rape" if you guys were romantically involved with each other. As a minor (and I'm assuming you live in the U.S.), the law views you as not being able to make the informed decision on whether or not you want to sleep with this guy. He could go to jail, and he would have to register as a sex offender. If he is showing any interest in you, you need to realize that this is not normal behavior from his end. It is predatory behavior. It makes him a disgusting creep. There is no possible way he can see you as a romantic equal, which is very important for a long term relationship. If you hooked up with this guy, it would likely be a very short term fling resulting in you getting used for sex and nothing else. The differences in the amount of life experience between you two would not allow for a meaningful, healthy relationship. Again, the only thing that would come of this would be you being used by him for sex. You don't want to feel used, do you? Have faith in yourself that you're worth more than that. Go out with boys your own age and enjoy your youth.
maysj18 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 If he is showing any interest in you, you need to realize that this is not normal behavior from his end. It is predatory behavior. It makes him a disgusting creep. There is no possible way he can see you as a romantic equal, which is very important for a long term relationship. If you hooked up with this guy, it would likely be a very short term fling resulting in you getting used for sex and nothing else. What he said. Contrary to popular belief, when you're a teenager age isn't just a number. It matters. Think about this, when you were born he was about to go into high school. That may put it into perspective. Later in life, 13 years isn't so bad, just please be careful and don't follow in your sister's footsteps on this one.
Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Considering the fact that when my friend was 18 she started dating her now fiance, who was 44 at the time (and her former teacher), I have some leniency on this issue. Also, I had a high school friend who would only date older guys who were in their thirties or so, not because she was immature, but because she was more mature for her age, and got along better with guys that old. She is currently married though to someone her age, and is very happy with him, so I'd like to say it was just a phase she went through. But considering the fact that you seem more immature for your age, I think that I'd lean closer to the fact that you're only interested in him because of your sister's track record. Plus, it's hard not to have at least one crush on someone who's much older than you, especially if they're attractive. But I agree with the others..if he is showing interest in you, it is not a good sign. You are practically still a child, and he's a grown man, who should only be interested in women who are at least considered adults (and who has the maturity of an adult). If he acts on anything at all with you, run. Not only would it be a bad sign for things to come if you guys got involved, but it could also mean that he could get arrested and charged with rape and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. Go look for guys your own age. If in maybe...5-15 years, you still like him, and he's single, and not looking for little girls to fool around with, then 13 years age difference wont be as much of a big deal..but only till then.
Irishlove Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I have always liked older men. But.....considering you are sixteen if a thirty year old man touches you then he is sick because in a thirty year olds eyes you are a child still. When you are thirty you'll see what I mean. Now I'm almost fourty and just split up with a man who is fifty and the way he talked about health issues and dr's appts and such was kinda a turn off. I would suggest staying with guys your age because you can never get sixteen back again. Find guys your age to have fun with that like the things you like. Statatory rape isn't anything to mess with and it will be out of your control. The state could pick it up and charge him. If you like him then do him a favor and leave him alone.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Well, I guess I could see a young girl having a crush on an older man in that fashion. But......if he reciprocates i would say there's something mentally wrong with him!!!
Kelemort Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I still think there's a world of difference between 16 and 18. This girl is barely legal to drive her own car and have a job. What could a 29-year-old man see in her? I'm a substitute teacher and I'm 23 - I couldn't imagine having an affair with any of my students. Frankly, compared to me, they're immature, unaware...they're still children. And there's nothing wrong with that, as that's what they're supposed to appear to be to a person of my age. When I'm 29, they'll appear even moreso to me! Don't follow in your sister's footsteps. Look for boys closer to your OWN age - in high school. It can be attractive and alluring when an older man wants you, but at your age you are still too young to pursue someone in that age bracket. You're in different phases of your lives, and that's what matters here. At 16, you're still in high school, still working a dead-end job, all of that. At 29, he's done with his formal education (usually), working at a career (usually), and probably ready to marry and settle down for a family. Even if you were in similar phases (...i.e, you were in college and he's out of college and in the next phase of his life), that would be understandable. But you're two life phases apart here, and that's just not going to work. Avoid it.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 17, 2011 Posted April 17, 2011 I am a 16 year old female and I have had a crush on a 29 year old for a long time I am not to shore if this is just because my older sister got with a 30 year old at the age of 17 or because I really like the guy? I don't know what to do is it wrong to like someone the is 13 years older than you? First of all... separate the vantage point of a 29yo in this scenario from that of a 16yo (especially a 16yo girl). YOU have every right to entertain all of your own private enjoyable feelings A-BOUT this guy. For there is nothing wrong at all with a young woman being attracted to someone, OR even enjoying attention FROM such an older guy. However, when an older guy indulges himself in a much younger female in that way... it is indicative of something a bit wrong with his personality. In this case, you don't mention whether he has been making any eyes at YOU, or not... so this could still be a very decent, very appealing male who is worth every bit of your infatuation. Once such a guy would ever take the bait, that would make it clear to onlookers that he isn't exactly widely-sought-after material. So, go ahead and enjoy idealizing the man... but do so in a manner which would sort of taint your image OF him IF he were to indulge in a 16yo young woman.
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