debberdoodles Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and have been living together for six months. I am very happy and have felt very secure in my relationship until recently. He has always been open that he has a lot of friends who are female, and that doesn't bother me at all. He texts some of them on a regular basis to keep in touch (he's from florida, but we live in the midwest now) and has never hidden that from me, though he does keep his conversations somewhat private, which I haven't had a problem with either. (I've always been open about all of my friends as well.) A few days ago, I got an email from someone I don't know telling me that my boyfriend was texting with other girls from his hometown, flirting witth them and telling them he wished he could meet up with them. I was very upset and brought this up with my boyfriend right away. He did everything he could to assure me that this wasn't true, showed me his phone and went through all his messages with me, and said if I wanted he would delete all the messaging apps on his phone and ipod, which he did even though I told him he didn't need to. I'm still upset about the fact that someone would take the time out of their day to send a stranger such a false, upsetting message. I think it was someone my boyfriend is in contact with on a friendly level, that wants to be more than friends, but he doesnt seem to agree, and has no ideas who would send me that message or why. Looking for advice on how to get past this and put all my trust back in him. He's been completely open with me through our entire relationship and even more so since this ungly incident, and he deserves all that trust, but I still have that uncertainty because of this email.
sally4sara Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 The person who emailed you may have a different interpretation of what is and isn't appropriate behavior for someone in a relationship to be engaging in and sees your BF texting girls as wrong PERIOD - there by calling it flirting. But since he moved, it is completely normal that he misses friends from where he use to live. If the friends he texted were guys and he said "hey I miss you and wish we could hang out" would it be inappropriate to you? Does it somehow mean something different to you if the friend he sends that to is a woman? For all you know, the someone who sent you the email is a guy dating one of these girls and has a more restrictive outlook on platonic friendships than you and your BF. And since they don't know you, there is no reason in the world to believe they care about your well being. I'd ignore them if there is no supporting evidence or more sinister indications than an email about benign texting activity.
PegNosePete Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Looking for advice on how to get past this and put all my trust back in him. Well he has done nothing wrong has he? You allowed someone else to destroy your trust in your BF. Seems your trust was not all that strong to begin with. If you trusted your BF you would have told the interfering busy-body to get packing. Especially after your BF did all of that to prove his innocence... it seems to me that you owe him big time for falsely accusing him of cheating!
Author debberdoodles Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Well he has done nothing wrong has he? You allowed someone else to destroy your trust in your BF. Seems your trust was not all that strong to begin with. If you trusted your BF you would have told the interfering busy-body to get packing. Especially after your BF did all of that to prove his innocence... it seems to me that you owe him big time for falsely accusing him of cheating! I didn't accuse him. I wasn't even going to bring it up with him. i deleted the email, but it had some very distasteful words for me, in addition to the stuff about my bf. I'd never had someone say such hurtful things towards me and my boyfriend could tell something was wrong even tho i told him i was fine. he made me tell him what was upsetting me, and when i did he showed me his phone, though i told him he didnt have to. my main problem is that the things said in that email about me created some inecurities that im trying to get past because i dont want this affecting my relationship.
stace79 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 If he in fact showed you his phone and all the texts and also offered to delete messaging apps off it, that is a good sign. I agree with others that this could be a jealous girl or someone's jealous bf. I think you should put more stock in what your boyfriend says and particularly his actions than in an email from an anonymous stranger who did not identify himself/herself to you. If the emailer has nothing to hide, they should tell you who they are. And, your boyfriend's actions after the incident seem to line up with that he is being truthful and respectful toward you.
Professor X Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I'm sorry debberdoodles, but what kind of GF are you?! Some complete stranger sends you a faulty email containing nothing but pure bullcrap and you, after looking into things, you still believe that anonymous psycho? You have some MAJOR issues, you really need to give yourself a strong slap in the face and wake the f**k up. Besides, have you considered it might actually be a boy that's after you trying to sabotage your relationship? Well, props to him than, he's succeeding.
Author debberdoodles Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Harsh, Professor. I never said I believed them. I know it isnt true, and that he hasn't done anything wrong. All I asked for was some advice to get over some insecurities that the email created. And the reason that I think it is a girl es because no guy who would be into me would write things like calling me an effing b**** and a POS that no guy would ever want to be with. and those were the nicer parts of the email. I have never had anyone say anything so hurtful to me, so excuse me if I'm a little sensitive now.
Professor X Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Harsh, Professor. I never said I believed them. All I asked for was some advice to get over some insecurities that the email created. You see what I have bolded and why it conflicts? For if you have not believed the mail, you would not have had insecurities problems. From the sound of things, you got a loving relationship. So cherish it, he sounds like a good guy and its rare nowdays. I'm sorry if it's harsh, but that's how I roll sometimes =)
SxB Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and have been living together for six months. I am very happy and have felt very secure in my relationship until recently. He has always been open that he has a lot of friends who are female, and that doesn't bother me at all. He texts some of them on a regular basis to keep in touch (he's from florida, but we live in the midwest now) and has never hidden that from me, though he does keep his conversations somewhat private, which I haven't had a problem with either. (I've always been open about all of my friends as well.) A few days ago, I got an email from someone I don't know telling me that my boyfriend was texting with other girls from his hometown, flirting witth them and telling them he wished he could meet up with them. I was very upset and brought this up with my boyfriend right away. He did everything he could to assure me that this wasn't true, showed me his phone and went through all his messages with me, and said if I wanted he would delete all the messaging apps on his phone and ipod, which he did even though I told him he didn't need to. I'm still upset about the fact that someone would take the time out of their day to send a stranger such a false, upsetting message. I think it was someone my boyfriend is in contact with on a friendly level, that wants to be more than friends, but he doesnt seem to agree, and has no ideas who would send me that message or why. Looking for advice on how to get past this and put all my trust back in him. He's been completely open with me through our entire relationship and even more so since this ungly incident, and he deserves all that trust, but I still have that uncertainty because of this email. Well, you can't trust what you aren't compatible with, so if what he did wasn't good enough, then you aren't compatible. Work on being secure about what you are compatible with, then you will know for sure what you are and aren't compatible with.
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