Perplexed81 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 So I get a call from my old Friend With Benefits, the woman that "came to my rescue after our breakup back in September", telling me that my exe's not bf but guy she was supposably dating died in a car wreck. I've never been through something like that and don't know what to do think of it. This friends with benefits is now just friends becuase she fell in love and I didn't see us going any further. We still remain great friends. I was doing just fine till that call, now for the last 4 days all I can do is think about my ex, its been what......8 months now? Is this normal? Its not like I'm back a square one but I started missing her an irregular amount as of lately. I know that most women check out of the relationship long before, and it got me to thinking that since our breakup 8 months ago, she NEVER ONCE initiated contact, not once, it was only by me each time. Its been 64 days exactly since my last relapse in which I texted her "I miss you and "daughters name" very much and hope you know that both of you will always have a place in heart"...gay I know and of course, no response, however this was prior to the death that happened a few weeks ago. I've been having the itch to text her alot lately but I havent since the last time. I also have been too much of a coward to call her. I can't imagine how hard of a shell a woman could have not to initiate a single type of contact with me, not even once, for the entirety of the breakup so far. Is this woman superman or what? Input appreciated in my moment of weakness.
Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Not every person feels the need to contact their ex, especially if they decided to go NC. There are plenty of girls (and guys) who don't even try to text, call, or see their ex at all, and it's not because they're a super woman or whatever, it's because they know what's best for them, and if what's best for them is NC, then they do it, and stick to it. It's hard to do, and it probably takes some strong people to go through with it, but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. I feel very sorry for your ex though. I've only ever lost grandparents or childhood friends that I wasn't too close to, so I don't know what shes going through right now, but it must be very difficult for her. I think, instead of focusing on why she hasn't contacted you since the breakup, you should focus on what, if anything you could or should do to make her feel better. Though I think NC is the best for most situations, when someone loses someone they care about, it's nice for them to know and hear that others are still there for them, especially if they were close to that person for however long (like she was with you). So, though I don't think you should hope for a response back, I think you should offer her your condolences, and tell her that if she needs anything at all, that you're there for her (if you want or think you can be, that is. If not, don't bother at all). It's just something that a "good" person and friend would typically do.
Author Perplexed81 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Your completely right, I forgot to leave the most important detail of this. As small of a world it is, my FWB got wind of this becuase her mother apparently just showed up out of the blue at her dad's friends house and while asking if someone she was looking for was there, made small talk with her dad and was telling her what had happened to her daughter. The dad called my FWB and told her and explained that her daughter acted like she DIDN'T EVEN CARE about the death and this was comming from her mother. When I heard that, I was completely taken aback becuase I knew my ex had a thick shell and was emotionalness at times but damn, she may not even be human by what i'm hearing, only someone can be so heartless, but to act like you don't even care, WOW. I guess a breakup was a walk in the park for her.
Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Your completely right, I forgot to leave the most important detail of this. As small of a world it is, my FWB got wind of this becuase her mother apparently just showed up out of the blue at her dad's friends house and while asking if someone she was looking for was there, made small talk with her dad and was telling her what had happened to her daughter. The dad called my FWB and told her and explained that her daughter acted like she DIDN'T EVEN CARE about the death and this was comming from her mother. When I heard that, I was completely taken aback becuase I knew my ex had a thick shell and was emotionalness at times but damn, she may not even be human by what i'm hearing, only someone can be so heartless, but to act like you don't even care, WOW. I guess a breakup was a walk in the park for her. Just because someone has a shell built up, doesn't mean that they're emotionless by any means. Sometimes, it's easy for some people to get involved with other things to keep their mind off of what's bothering them, as opposed to focusing on what it is that most people would get torn up about. I don't know your ex, and I don't know how she reacts to something along this nature, but she could be trying very hard to keep herself together right now, even though she may seem to be made of stone when it comes to showing any pain. Also, sometimes it doesn't hit people at first when they lose someone that they care about. Sometimes, they go through this whole "It's not real..it didn't really happen..." phase, and try to ignore the truth..that someone they cared about, died. It may just catch up with her later, when she finally realizes that she can't hide from it anymore, but who knows? But, is she used to death? My ex is, and had been to many funerals, and so losing someone isn't hard for him anymore, even if they are a closer friend or family member. He realizes that death is just another part of life, and something that they talk about in the Bible even to not be feared, so it's not as big of a deal to him as it is to others. That could be another reason she's acting this way. Regardless of her reasons though, I stick to what I said about offering your hand, she may need it, even if she doesn't show it to you or anyone else.
Recommended Posts