Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Earlier this week I tried to put my two weeks notice in (from the restaurant I work at), and since then, every single person who has found out has been trying to beg me to stay. Including my managers who have let it be known that they're willing to try to pull whatever strings in order for me to stay there, and who have told me to really think about it before I do. Although I appreciate everyone's caring, I decided that the only way I'd stay is if all the bullsh*t that's been going on, comes to an end. I'm so tired of arguing, getting upset, and crying each time I go in there, and to me, it's not worth staying if that happens. I want and need to move on from my ex and put him behind me, but honestly, my job has only become unbearable since people started spreading rumors about both of us. Before that, things were great between him and I, and neither of us were looking to quit, and things were even fun there still. Since everyone has started to play the "he said, she said" game these past few weeks, neither of us can look at the other, talk to the other, or even believe the other person. And right now, I have no idea who's lying to me, or to him, and who's not. I only know that one person is a liar for sure, and he's the one person my ex believes above everyone else, surprisingly. But I'm wondering if it'd be a good or bad idea to try to talk to him about things one last time. Not so much about our relationship, but about all these high school-like rumors and lies that have been spread about both of us. For almost a year he was the only person there who I could really trust, and now it feels like I can't believe a word he's said..because of what everyone's telling me. And the same goes for him, he said that according to me, everyone's lying to him and I'm the only one telling the truth, which he doesn't believe. I want to talk to him about things, try to figure out what's the truth and what isn't, and get it back to the point where neither of us has any reason to doubt the other, but I don't want to do something that will be bad for both of us, when it comes to moving on. I don't want to quit..I've been there for over three years, and my coworkers are like a family to me and I love most of them to death. But like I told them, I need to do what's best for me..and I'm not sure if it's straightening things out with him, or just leaving the entire situation, as it is. So, thoughts or opinions would be appreciated. I'm going to talk to close friends about it as well, and try to decide by the end of the day what is the best choice to make. (Oh, and the chick who people have told me he's seeing, is apparently going to get fired soon...is it bad that that makes me happy?? )
Perplexed81 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Rumors are like adding gasoline to the fire, its bad enough you probably have a million things going through your head, but to have actual people start to bring those thoughts to possible life is even worse. I'm sure whatever it is thats been said has gone through your head already but when you hear them its different, you don't wanna believe it and trying to sort our rumors is a waste of time becuase let me tell you, all those people that are saying these things are basically looking to start something for THEIR amusement. They go home at night happy with their lives while your sitting back racking your brains over all the gossip and round round you go. I would suggest not listening to the rumors and if possible just talk it out with your ex..my 2 cents.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Rumors are like adding gasoline to the fire, its bad enough you probably have a million things going through your head, but to have actual people start to bring those thoughts to possible life is even worse. I'm sure whatever it is thats been said has gone through your head already but when you hear them its different, you don't wanna believe it and trying to sort our rumors is a waste of time becuase let me tell you, all those people that are saying these things are basically looking to start something for THEIR amusement. They go home at night happy with their lives while your sitting back racking your brains over all the gossip and round round you go. I would suggest not listening to the rumors and if possible just talk it out with your ex..my 2 cents. Tis true. It's hard to not listen to rumors though when someone has already been caught in a lie before. For anyone who's wondering though, this is what has been said in a nutshell: To me: He's dating another girl we work with, who he swore to me nothing was going on with. From what I gather, him and her cousin both lied to me about her even having a crush on him before we broke up. I'm hearing things like: he left me for her, she likes him, they're not dating, they are dating, nothing is going on, she tries to act cutesy with him, they hang out all the time, he could have cheated, etc. He swears nothing is going on and he's completely single and doesn't want a girlfriend, and that she only has a crush on him (which others do as well) so he doesn't see the big deal, but could potentially date her in the future. To him: I'm talking crap about him. Spreading lies. Confronted different girls about him. Told secrets about him. I'm dating/talking to others. I'm trying to keep tabs on him. I told him that I've said nothing but positive things about him to people (along with why we broke up), yet people are telling him all of these things and he says that I'm behaving immaturely because of this. He said that he tried to be friends, but that we can't be friends if I keep talking crap about him to everyone (which I'm not doing, but he doesn't believe that). It's exhausting. There's at least 15 people saying different things to him and I. Some are liars, some are telling the truth, and some are just plain nosy. This is the reason why I want to quit. I can maybe deal with him dating her in front of me, but I can't deal with liars; and right now there's too many of them around to even be able to tell who's who.
stace79 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I'm not sure of your whole back story, but if your bosses or managers are allowing your fellow coworkers to create a hostile or uncomfortable work environment for you by spreading rumors, then they are breaking the law. They are required to do everything reasonable to provide a safe workplace for you, and you should not feel like you have to quit because others are spreading lies or rumors! Second, yes, I think if a lot of false chatter is going on, then a grown up, mature conversation should be had. Also, both of you need to get a spine, and if someone starts talking to either of you about the other, tell them it's none of their business, that you and he alone know the truths, and that you'd appreciate them not talking to you or about you anymore. Then if they continue talking to you or others, your managers need to involve some disciplinary action.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Today, I came in and at first him and I didn't talk or even look at each other at all. But, I calmed down, and asked my good friend to ask him to come and talk to me and to let him know that I didn't want to start anything, I just wanted to talk to him. So, he came over, and we talked for about five - ten minutes about his sister (and her now arrested ex), how he was feeling, and his weekend plans. He told me that his best friend told him that I was quitting, and that he thought it was a dumb choice to make, but he knew he couldn't tell me what to do. I told him that I wanted to talk to him about things (but not a work again), and that even though I would have preferred doing it tomorrow, that I could wait till Monday. He walked away at that point, but things were good between us. He even smiled and waved goodnight tonight before he left, which was appreciated. People even backed off of me tonight, and I gave the chick that is not really dating him, the cold shoulder all night and let it be known that she meant less than sh*t to me (much to my managers disapproval , but they understood, and I didn't get in trouble..was just told to do whatever off the clock). See, this is how I want things to be. Calm between him and I, and I want to be his friend. Though, yes, I do still want to be with him, I know that being his friend is the best choose that we could make, since he honestly became one of my best friends this past year, and it's hard to let that go. But now, I'm just wondering what to say Monday, how to go about it, and all of that. I want to be friends with him, and to have a calm work environment where I didn't feel the need to quit every night, so I don't want to say anything that risks that even more, but I don't know. Any suggestions would be appreciated
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