Imajerk17 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) A few years ago, I was spending the summer in Cali and was taking a yoga class. The instructor was both hot and sweet, and the class was small. I used to chat with her a bit the 10 minutes before class, and I wanted to ask her out. Anyway, one time (before anyone else was there) we talked about surfing. I surf too (a bit), so I said "Hey we should go! What is your number?" She gave me her number, but I could tell by how she gave me her number that she wasn't that enthusiastic about it. Actually, she seemed a bit uncomfortable. So this is what I did. (1) I threw her number out, as in deleted her number from my phone. The number was no good, so why keep it? I didn't send her any texts "apologizing" for making things awkward. Yes indeed, it's kind of poor form asking out your yoga instructor, and if I had read the signs more carefully I would not have asked for her number in the first place. But I still wasn't going to apologize because I wasn't really sorry, and besides, it would only make any awkwardness worse. (2) I did show up for class a few minutes early as before (but not 10 minutes) and when I saw her, I warmly acknowledged her, but then I got to my stretching. I was here for yoga. And because I was so laid-back and had moved on, it wasn't awkward. She was friendly back. I didn't linger after class. I said my thank you's and left. (3) I made a point to go out and meet other women. There are plenty of them! I actually had a lot of fun that summer. (4) She actually did text the class about schedule changes, from time to time over the summer (she was sick for a few days). I never texted her back because there was no need to. (5) I'd love to say that she saw the light and realized what a hunk of a guy I was. That didn't happen. What did happen was still pretty cool though. As the summer drew to a close, I did come in 5-10 minutes early for one class. We had a nice conversation about the summer, how much I improved (see I was there to work on my poses and it showed), and our plans for the fall. (I was headed back East.) I got her email address. One goal, read and re-read this until it makes sense to you. Edited April 15, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author Imajerk17 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) This is something I hope you get: The hungry don't get fed. The guys women go for are the ones who could attract other women. The guys women RUN FROM are the needy ones, and even worse, the creepy ones. Guys who fixate on one woman have work on themselves they need to do. I had to see this girl every class *wearing tights* and *barefoot*. I still kept my cool. Edited April 15, 2011 by Imajerk17
Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 So let me see if I get this straight... You didn't have to have security get involved to know that she wasn't interested? And you didn't have to send her multiple e-mails for her to know that you were interested? You just read her body language and that was enough for you?? But how did you move on so easily? The disappointment that you must have felt....must have made you want to post like ten 20-page threads on here about it, or something.. I didn't think handling rejection was so easy. I wonder how One Goal will take this bit of news.
Author Imajerk17 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Yeah I know. Shocking eh... I even made it a point to meet other women. I talked to women all the time--the supermarket at lunchtime, the beach, you name it. Amazingly enough, some of them even liked me and when I asked for their number, they said yes! (More said no, but who cares. I'm not here to discuss my batting average. I talked to so many that I got my share of yeses.)
andrew-bkk Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Breaking News: Cali guy meets yoga instructor; yoga instructor not interested. More at 11.
somedude81 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 This is something I hope you get: The hungry don't get fed. The guys women go for are the ones who could attract other women. The guys women RUN FROM are the needy ones, and even worse, the creepy ones. And how is that remotely helpful? So if you're hungry, you're going to starve? Yay!
Stung Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 It's actually good information, if you look at it less literally. He's right, inasmuch as desperation is extremely unappealing to women. Not because we're euphoric about the idea that other women want the same guy we do, but because we like to feel special, singled out, chosen, elevated above the herd. A guy who's desperate for anything that moves to settle for him is unflattering and unappealing, and if that's the level someone is operating on, he needs to learn to camouflage it--or better yet, rethink himself into a different outlook.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 So let me see if I get this straight... You didn't have to have security get involved to know that she wasn't interested? And you didn't have to send her multiple e-mails for her to know that you were interested? You just read her body language and that was enough for you?? But how did you move on so easily? The disappointment that you must have felt....must have made you want to post like ten 20-page threads on here about it, or something.. I didn't think handling rejection was so easy. I wonder how One Goal will take this bit of news. I am literally laughing at this. :lmao: Its sad that this sarcasm yet honest post can be put here, but if it was put in the thread of the person who is so afraid of rejection, it would probably get flagged. Bottom line is, if a guy gets used to chickening out, someone has to actually hold his hand to show him how to deal with rejection. All the words in the world online will not convince someone like this to take a chance. Some guys are wolves, the rest are content with bieng sheep.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 It's actually good information, if you look at it less literally. He's right, inasmuch as desperation is extremely unappealing to women. Not because we're euphoric about the idea that other women want the same guy we do, but because we like to feel special, singled out, chosen, elevated above the herd. A guy who's desperate for anything that moves to settle for him is unflattering and unappealing, and if that's the level someone is operating on, he needs to learn to camouflage it--or better yet, rethink himself into a different outlook. In my experience that's a nearly impossible task.
Author Imajerk17 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 There's a few people who got the message of what I was trying to say, but reading the posts from the guys here makes me concerned. No wonder why a lot of guys on here don't get women. And sad to say, until you change your attitudes, you probably never will. If the girl you want turns you down, you can't fixate on her. I've tried that before, it doesn't work. You might be able to try again sometime later, but in the meanwhile it might do you good to meet other women. EVEN if you find that "tiring and never fun". And you might actually like one of those women better than the girl you were hooked on! MORE IMPORTANTLY, it would also do you good to upgrade your social skills, go to the gym, and so on.
Author Imajerk17 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 There's a few people who got the message of what I was trying to say, but reading the posts from the guys here makes me concerned. No wonder why a lot of guys on here don't get women. If the girl you want turns you down, you can't fixate on her. I've tried that before myself, it doesn't work. You might be able to try again sometime later, but in the meanwhile it might do you good to meet other women. EVEN if you find that "tiring and never fun". And you might actually like one of those women better than the girl you were hooked on! MORE IMPORTANTLY, it would also do you good to upgrade your social skills, go to the gym, and so on.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 There's a few people who got the message of what I was trying to say, but reading the posts from the guys here makes me concerned. No wonder why a lot of guys on here don't get women. And sad to say, until you change your attitudes, you probably never will. If the girl you want turns you down, you can't fixate on her. I've tried that before, it doesn't work. You might be able to try again sometime later, but in the meanwhile it might do you good to meet other women. EVEN if you find that "tiring and never fun". And you might actually like one of those women better than the girl you were hooked on! MORE IMPORTANTLY, it would also do you good to upgrade your social skills, go to the gym, and so on. Well, I'm not sure if I'm included in "the guys here" but I never fixate on a girl that turns me down. As soon as she rejects me I ignore her. Completely. She might as well have never existed. But, it does take me a while to get up my nerves to talk to another girl that I'm interested in. And by a while I mean months. I probably come off as disinterested in women most of the time. It is what it is. Most likely not going to change.
Cracker Jack Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) I understand the message, and I agree with it completely. A few yrs ago, I wouldn't have considered any of this, since I thought constantly pursuing the girl (who didn't really want me as much as I wanted her) would convince her that I'm the one for her. I feel silly just thinking about my mindset back then. I know I'm going to (haven't quite got out there yet, but my expectations aren't super high) likely get turned down by a good amount of women for various reasons, but that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes. I can't let it stop me from meeting other women. Edited April 15, 2011 by Cracker Jack
one goal Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 At least you got her number and had a better shot. The teacher never gave me her number. The way it sounds is that I need an idea what she likes, and then invite her to do something. I know my teacher is a libera, into theater junk, and likes music. So at the end of the year maybe the last day of class I could possibly ask if I can stay in contact, and maybe find an activity she likes and then maybe see if she wants to go out?
Stung Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 In my experience that's a nearly impossible task. I hope I didn't seem to be implying that it would be easy. Of course personal change and growth are difficult, and the lessons learned are usually hard-won. Cognitive-behavioral rewiring is possible, but it's not exactly a walk in the park for anybody.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 The truth is that guys who aren't good with women do tend to be needy, without even realizing it. It's breaking out of that cycle that's the hard thing.
one goal Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Is there anything I can work with here? Like ask for her personal email addy? (note it's on google but I can't just email her like that) If I asked for her number to stay in touch you think she would finally budge?
Eddie Edirol Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Is there anything I can work with here? Like ask for her personal email addy? (note it's on google but I can't just email her like that) If I asked for her number to stay in touch you think she would finally budge? Dont feed the troll.
Cee Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) Her personal email is on Google? Seriously? Gah, imagine the spambots and the creepers who must be spamming her. I think you should email her and warn her about that. Maybe in the email, send her a little picture. Like a failboat or something. Everybody loves the failboat. And lolcats. Edited April 15, 2011 by Cee
one goal Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Her personal email is on Google? Seriously? Gah, imagine the spambots and the creepers who must be spamming her. I think you should email her and warn her about that. Maybe in the email, send her a little picture. Like a failboat or something. Everybody loves the failboat. And lolcats. Not like that. Just on a website about something. Anyways based on the posters story, would it be possible to possibly talk her into giving me her number the last day of class? If I behave the rest of the year and not bug her? Best shot would have to find a activity she likes and ask her out that way.
daphne Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 This is something I hope you get: The hungry don't get fed. The guys women go for are the ones who could attract other women. The guys women RUN FROM are the needy ones, and even worse, the creepy ones. Guys who fixate on one woman have work on themselves they need to do. I had to see this girl every class *wearing tights* and *barefoot*. I still kept my cool. You're a badass. Great post.
fishtaco Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Dont feed the troll. Yeah, I'm starting to think one goal is a troll too.
Intricategirl Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 A few years ago, I was spending the summer in Cali and was taking a yoga class. The instructor was both hot and sweet, and the class was small. I used to chat with her a bit the 10 minutes before class, and I wanted to ask her out. Anyway, one time (before anyone else was there) we talked about surfing. I surf too (a bit), so I said "Hey we should go! What is your number?" She gave me her number, but I could tell by how she gave me her number that she wasn't that enthusiastic about it. Actually, she seemed a bit uncomfortable. So this is what I did. (1) I threw her number out, as in deleted her number from my phone. The number was no good, so why keep it? I didn't send her any texts "apologizing" for making things awkward. Yes indeed, it's kind of poor form asking out your yoga instructor, and if I had read the signs more carefully I would not have asked for her number in the first place. But I still wasn't going to apologize because I wasn't really sorry, and besides, it would only make any awkwardness worse. (2) I did show up for class a few minutes early as before (but not 10 minutes) and when I saw her, I warmly acknowledged her, but then I got to my stretching. I was here for yoga. And because I was so laid-back and had moved on, it wasn't awkward. She was friendly back. I didn't linger after class. I said my thank you's and left. (3) I made a point to go out and meet other women. There are plenty of them! I actually had a lot of fun that summer. (4) She actually did text the class about schedule changes, from time to time over the summer (she was sick for a few days). I never texted her back because there was no need to. (5) I'd love to say that she saw the light and realized what a hunk of a guy I was. That didn't happen. What did happen was still pretty cool though. As the summer drew to a close, I did come in 5-10 minutes early for one class. We had a nice conversation about the summer, how much I improved (see I was there to work on my poses and it showed), and our plans for the fall. (I was headed back East.) I got her email address. One goal, read and re-read this until it makes sense to you. Regarding your signature line, it's later. I'm thanking you. Can you give classes or something? I've had two guys treat me like this. I didn't reject them for small reasons. I rejected them because I saw things that told me it wouldn't work. And yet... the way they handled it, the maturity, the accepting my decision even if they didn't know the reasons behind it, the understanding that they could find someone else that did love them, just kind of the general having their ish together- I still wonder what might have been with one of them especially. I know he's still interested. And he's beyond perfect on paper. None of that changes anything, mind you. He asked me, I saw a strong incompatibility, and I rejected him. But sometimes I still wonder "what if". And oddly enough, the way he accepted my decision hints that I may have misread him, which only feeds those nagging thoughts. I guess I'm saying that these are the guys that get stuck in my head. All the guys I dated, I wouldn't go back to any of them. I know how things turned out with them, and it's easy to leave them behind. I KNOW it didn't work, so if they ask, it's an easy decision. But the guys I didn't go out with?? I can't say that I know, because I never dated them.
lolo1234 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 So let me see if I get this straight... You didn't have to have security get involved to know that she wasn't interested? And you didn't have to send her multiple e-mails for her to know that you were interested? You just read her body language and that was enough for you?? But how did you move on so easily? The disappointment that you must have felt....must have made you want to post like ten 20-page threads on here about it, or something.. I didn't think handling rejection was so easy. I wonder how One Goal will take this bit of news. :lmao::lmao::lmao: I had to run to the bathroom because this almost made me pee my pants.
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