lolo1234 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I had been doing so well. I mean I really felt like I was on the mend and that I'd experience some minor setbacks but nothing major. I was happy for a few weeks there! Ugh... I feel like I'm experiencing a major setback. It all started last weekend. My son was sick, I was worried and stressed, I had to cancel some plans. Eventually made it out one night... drank too much. Next day I text him. Yes, I broke NC of more than a month. He texts me back a very impersonal message. He ALWAYS acts the nice guy. I know why he was pissed...I ignored his last text and call. Cut to... my daughter gets sick... I get sick... My son gets sick again... then both my kids get lice! All in one freaking week! My week has been very stressful. I've been worried about my kids' health, busy with dr appointments, etc. I know this is something that happens every so often. they're not always ill. They're just kids. But I can't help feeling so alone in this. My ex husband doesn't show much support. And you know when your life gets stressful all of a sudden everything looks ****ty to you? That's how I feel right now... nothing seems good. And I can't help but think about him. And now much I want him to be with me right now. I just miss the moral support. I really want to call/text him to get some of that right now. But I know if won't turn out the way I'd hope. And I'm still so angry. I verge between being angry at myself and being angry at him. I feel like I need to come to a point of forgiveness here. I made a huge mistake getting involved with this guy. It was all about my ego. He fed it to me real good and I know he was really infatuated with me. He was immature. He thought I was absolutely amazing. ANd you know what... I kinda am ... but honestly it was beyond that. He was absolutely CRAZY for me. I knew it wouldn't last. It never does. That's not real love. But I ignored my gut... cause it felt good to be ADORED. I couldn't leave it at that, there were things I really hated about him and I let him know. He did alot to change. But towards the end he started to resent me. And things shifted. He wasn't the same anymore. The more he started to push me away, the more I started to try to pull. ( I needed my fix you know?) It was never a healthy relationship. We were together 8 months. He was my rebound after my ex husband. He was the exact opposite of what my ex husband is... in all the GOOD and BAD ways. And he was separated as well... and he had the same situation going on. I was the polar opposite of his ex. You know, I don't mind that he pops into my head now and then... whatever, that will go away with time. I just don't want to miss him because I feel like I'm deluding myself and I just feel weak and pathetic. If u read this whole thing... thank u
Duckduckgoose Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I read the whole thing and you're welcome. The stressful times DO get better. I am going through a divorce and my 2 birds have been sick lately. I don't have kids, but I sympathize with the having sick "babies" and wishing for the moral support but not getting any. Not to mention have to care for them and give them medicine and cleaning up after them, and the medical appointments...nevermind how to pay the medical/veterinary bills. Oh yeah it definitely sucks. Everything does look ****ty when you're stressed. AMEN to that one, actually. It seems like crying helps... and I'm not much of a cryer either... but it helps. A new relationship right now isn't the right way to go, divorce is hard and rebounds, while physically satisfying and maybe even satisfying in some other ways, just won't do it long term and you are left with even more of a mess then if you had just stayed out of it. But do it if it helps your ego, cause egos get really squished after a divorce. Sometimes you have to get that back... different strokes for different folks. Take good care of your kids they need you as their Supermom since their dad has split. Keep posting in coping if it helps you.
Author lolo1234 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I read the whole thing and you're welcome. The stressful times DO get better. I am going through a divorce and my 2 birds have been sick lately. I don't have kids, but I sympathize with the having sick "babies" and wishing for the moral support but not getting any. Not to mention have to care for them and give them medicine and cleaning up after them, and the medical appointments...nevermind how to pay the medical/veterinary bills. Oh yeah it definitely sucks. Everything does look ****ty when you're stressed. AMEN to that one, actually. It seems like crying helps... and I'm not much of a cryer either... but it helps. A new relationship right now isn't the right way to go, divorce is hard and rebounds, while physically satisfying and maybe even satisfying in some other ways, just won't do it long term and you are left with even more of a mess then if you had just stayed out of it. But do it if it helps your ego, cause egos get really squished after a divorce. Sometimes you have to get that back... different strokes for different folks. Take good care of your kids they need you as their Supermom since their dad has split. Keep posting in coping if it helps you. Thank you goosey. I am sad to hear about your birdies but I feel some relief in knowing that someone knows what I'm going through. My kids get sick like this maybe once a year but its like a whole month out of the year with this stress. It sucks not having someone to share it with. But I think you're right... I just need to reach out wherever. And posting on here helps me alot.
Duckduckgoose Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 My birds get sick maybe one a year too... but this time they really outdid themselves. I post here because it not only helps me but as a public and anonymous internet forum it helps whoever might read it.
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