Love_sohard Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend now for two months and we have had a wonderful relationship during this time. He has been loving sweet and kind with no problems. He also has a 3 year old son who I have not yet met and him and his ex share custody of him. About a month ago he got very distant for a couple of days and when I asked him about it he said that he "was going through a lot of stress" but, then he wouldn't elaborate at all about what it was. I assumed it was drama with his ex and his son and tried to be as supportive as I could be. He also brought up many times how he was scared that I was going to leave him and move to another state (I have a job that keeps me moving every couple of years) but, I assured him that I wanted love and if I met the right person I would change my plans or line of work. I have done nothing but assure him of my love over and over again and that I really want to be with him. When he would come over and I would try to talk about things that actually mattered --he would always change the subject.. he never wanted to really let me in or let his walls down about what he was feeling or thinking and it started to concern me. Two days ago he became distant again, he said he was "tired" and didnt' want to come over. He said he was feeling "depressed" and like "his life was not going the way he wanted it to go". I told him he could "talk to me anytime". Then he said again that he is afraid I am just going to leave him and started asking me questions like "do you see the love you have for me lasting for a long time It's like he wants a 100% guarantee from me which is impossible to give in any relationship or situation. I keep assuring him over and over again but I am starting to feel like maybe he is just looking for an excuse to break up with me. I told him "I Love you but I am not going to convince you to be with me" Obviously that is his choice. It's just very hard because I love him so very much...but I don't want this drama of him constantly unsure about me and us. Plus if he says he loves me how is he so quick to want to break this off? Last night the final message from him was "could you see us getting married" I said "well obviously I am not looking for a fling and I Love you and the whole point of dating is to see if it leads to marriage" His response maybe I don't deserve a good woman like you. Right now I just don't know what to do with my life" It is so so so hard. I have spent the whole day just feeling empty inside. Is he making an excuse to just end things or maybe he is just really confused about his life in general. Regardless my heart cannot take much more..any advice would be greatly appreciated
Author Love_sohard Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Excuses Excuses! Ugh...I don't understand..if you truly want to be with someone..don't you just make it work?
Lucky_One Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 How long ago did he and his wife split up? Is the divorce final? Has he had any other relationships since that time?
Author Love_sohard Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 They were never married--just living together and the break up is recent, about 4 months ago. I think they were together for about 5 years total. I wonder if he is going back to her?
Lucky_One Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Wow, only 4 months? That is a very short time to be so intensely into another relationship. He may go back to her or not ; I have no way of knowing. I do believe, though, that it is much harder than one realizes to become a primary parent with no help, and much harder than one realizes to kiss that child good-bye and not see him for a few days. Apparently he is struggling a lot. Good luck.
Author Love_sohard Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 You are totally right and I cannot imagine what it is like to have a child and not see them all you want to. I just wish I could help and be there for him but instead it seems he wants to push me out of his life because it's so much for him to handle. I Love him and am willing to go through the ups and downs with him but you cannot force a person to feel a certain way or want you back. I guess I will just have to wait and see.
Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I feel that to be in another quite serious relationship so soon after a long-term relationship that has child involved, was a bad idea. Not only is he dealing with a lot with the child's mother probably, but also after five years of being with her, he's probably still dealing with having their relationship be no longer. Doesn't mean he's planning on going back to her or wants her back, it just means that he probably jumped too soon into another relationship, and that you could potentially be a rebound girl, though he may not see you that way (or he might have, who knows?) If I were you, I'd proceed with extreme caution. I'd even reconsider if you should be in this relationship right now since he obviously is doing that same thing. Maybe put the relationship on "pause" and allow him to be single for more than just a couple of months, since I think it would be good for him. Not only could he try to get his life on track, but he could also think about what he wants and needs in a woman, and decide if you're the right person for him (and you could do the same). I know that you love him, but honestly, this would probably be the best for not only him, but for whatever relationship that you hope to have or future that you want to share with him.
Author Love_sohard Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I think you are right, I may have been rebound girl. I have no idea what it's like to have a child with someone and then split up, I would imagine it's a bond that is very strong and hard to shake. I want to be there for him, I would even be willing to wait a little while for him to collect his thoughts but I thought I was a source of calm and comfort for him but all he is doing is pushing me away
Author Love_sohard Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 So yesterday he texted me to say "lets talk about this tomorrow" well here is tomorrow and not a single message from him all day. I finally broke down and texted him just now (Its 8PM) to say "whatever happened to our talk?" His response "at work" which he told me last week he only worked till 5PM today. I just dont get it..he is obviously avoiding me and confused...but why would you say you want to talk and then ignore me all day ? Ugh..it almost seems like he wants to piss me off to the point that i break it off with him instead of him doing it to me.
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