Author zee75 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I kind of thought I was "owning" my actions, but I guess everyone has the right to their own opinion on that one. My EA partner and I ended things BECAUSE we knew we were heading for a PA. We cared too much about each other to go all the way down that road. We didn't want to hurt anyone and we knew it had to stop. I'll be the first to admit that at first I loved the attention that I felt I wasn't getting from my spouse. He felt like he could share things with me that he couldn't share with his spouse. We did tell each other that we loved each other and shared details of our lives with one another and in that sense it was wrong.
SheilaK Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Thanks zee75 for sharing your experience. I wonder if you were misunderstood earlier...I took your meaning of telling the BS to be about your own spouse - not the other man's wife. My EA didn't "just happen" - we allowed it to build up over time. I don't hold anyone responsible except for the two of us. As such, I don't believe my H needs to be hurt because of MY EA. My EA. My hurt. And again, no spam-o from me-o. Thank you to all the responders as well. It helps to read other perspectives.
BB07 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I kind of thought I was "owning" my actions, but I guess everyone has the right to their own opinion on that one. My EA partner and I ended things BECAUSE we knew we were heading for a PA. We cared too much about each other to go all the way down that road. We didn't want to hurt anyone and we knew it had to stop. I'll be the first to admit that at first I loved the attention that I felt I wasn't getting from my spouse. He felt like he could share things with me that he couldn't share with his spouse. We did tell each other that we loved each other and shared details of our lives with one another and in that sense it was wrong. I apologize Zee........I quoted the wrong post in my reply. I meant to quote SheliaK and my response was meant for her.
Heart On Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I kind of thought I was "owning" my actions, but I guess everyone has the right to their own opinion on that one. My EA partner and I ended things BECAUSE we knew we were heading for a PA. We cared too much about each other to go all the way down that road. We didn't want to hurt anyone and we knew it had to stop. I'll be the first to admit that at first I loved the attention that I felt I wasn't getting from my spouse. He felt like he could share things with me that he couldn't share with his spouse. We did tell each other that we loved each other and shared details of our lives with one another and in that sense it was wrong. Give yourself some well deserved credit for knowing when to STOP! I went "all in" and lost all because xmm wasn't sincere in his love for me. Happens alot more than "happily ever after".
Breezy Trousers Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 (edited) Yes, I agree with Heart On: Thank God you knew when to stop. Be glad! As for sharing what happened with your husband? Well, here's my experience: My husband and I have been involved in recovery for years, where the saying is, "You're as sick as your secrets." In view of that, I wanted to be transparent with my husband. I told him of my intense struggle to resist having an affair with a MM I was attracted to at work. Why? I honestly believed that my feelings for MM were growing because of the secrecy. I believed if I told my husband about my attraction for MM, those feelings would magically disappear once everything was out in the open. That didn't happen. Not at all. The feelings remained. Instead, I inadvertently made an already tricky situation even trickier. I also think I told my husband because a part of me was angry at perceived betrayals toward me on his part. (He had been unfaithful in years past.) The siren song pull of affairs is real. So is the ensuing love fog. If I had to do it all over again, I would spend every day on this website learning and sharing, read books on the subject and perhaps get into therapy or a support group for love addicted/love-fogged women. But I wouldn't tell my husband. He had nothing to do with my attraction to MM --- was and is an attentive husband -- but he's paid the price for it just the same. I'm not sure we're done experiencing the fallout of my "confession" 2.5 years ago. Not recommended. Edited April 16, 2011 by Breezy Trousers
Author zee75 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 I wish I knew how to quote other responses. I haven't figured that out yet! Anyway, I really do appreciate all the perspectives and the support that many of you have given me. Tomorrow will be 1 week NC. God, how I wish I could just stop thinking about him....
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