noleaf Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Hi all. I'm new to this forum, so sorry if this isnt the sort of thing i should be posting, but i really could do with some advice. Here's the deal... i split with my ex almost two months - we'd been together only 3 months. He messed me around a bit and so i called it off. I feel like i could have done more to try and make it work - but at the time, i felt angry and hurt so i ended it. Now ive given myself some time to think, i really want to try and make it work. The only thing is - a couple of weeks after we split i texted him to say i missed him and he told me he did to but was confused and wanted me to leave him alone. Do you think now i should respect that and never contact him, or should i ignore his wishes and try and make contact again? Whenever i start to write a text to him - just casually asking how he is - it seems so ridiculous, like i'm desperate and going against his wishes. Please could anyone give me their opinion on whether or not i should bother to contact him? What would you do? Thanks
veggirl Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Wait, what do you mean that you could have done more to make it work? After he CHEATED ON YOU? Don't contact him. a) he asked you not to and, b) he cheated on you!!!
Author noleaf Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 oh, just to clarify he didnt cheat on me. Just had some drama's - drunken arguments. Which i was really impatient with, as they had been a major factor in my last relationship... thanks for the quick reply though
Jazzari Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Others may disagree with me, but in my experience people don't change. If you are willing to be with him AS HE WAS, then maybe. But don't expect to work at it and change him. You have to do what is right for you, but I would let this one go. He requested that you not contact him. He clearly meant it since he hasn't tried to get in touch with you. It's taken you two months to decide you want him again. Not a good sign. I would move on.
Lilmisus Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 It's hard to breakup with someone and not wish that you could have gone about things differently, but before you even consider contacting him again (no matter what you want to say to him) you have to remember and keep in mind exactly why things didn't work out. You may feel regretful and wish that you were more patient, but if the reason you guys broke up was enough of a deal breaker for you to break up with him one time, what makes you think that you will be more patient for him in the future? I say, keep NC, at least for right now, especially since he said that he didn't want you messaging him or anything like that. If in a few more months, you still want to talk to him, still miss him, and still message him, then a simple "how are you?" would be okay, but if he doesn't want you to, then you should respect his wishes.
veggirl Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 oh, just to clarify he didnt cheat on me. Just had some drama's - drunken arguments. Which i was really impatient with, as they had been a major factor in my last relationship... thanks for the quick reply though Ahhh I see. Okay, then. Well, so then you contacted him a couple weeks after you split, so it has been about 6 wks since then? I apologize him for reading quickly and seeing "he messed me around" as "he messed around", dohh Anyhow, I think when you contacted him last time, it left the door open for HIM to contact you again if he'd like...and he didn't do that. If you aren't going to have peace unless you contact him, then sure send a "how are you" text or whatever, but you have to be mentally prepared for him not to respond, or for him to respond in a way that doesn't make you happy. If you can deal w/ that, then text him if you would like to text him. But only ONCE.
Author noleaf Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 hey thanks all of your for replying. I think you're prob all right, i shouldn't be contacting him. I guess sometimes it just feels like i should have done more - i dont think i realised at the time how lucky i was, but it's that old cliche you dont miss what you've got til its gone. If it meant to be i guess he will contact me, until then i should respect his wishes and stay out of his life, i guess i had my chance thanks again for your quick replies x x
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