thromback Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Hey, so I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years. She lives in Holland, I live in America. We are probably going to get married within 1-2 years, but the only problem is that she has this irrational fear of death. We are both 23, and basically her grandma died like 6 months ago (her grandma was 89). She was really upset about it, and has been saying that she needs me to move to Europe because she has to be able to take care of her parents when they get sick. I think it's sweet she worries about her parents, but i think it's irrational because they are around 54, and they are in extremely good health. I don't think there's anything I can say to her to make things better, but at the same time she has this irrational fear of people dying ever since. What should I do? I have been listening and not telling her this, because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Lucky_One Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Where are you planning on living after you marry? It sounds more like she has a fear of leaving her family, rather than of people dying. "A son's a son, until he takes a wife. A daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life." Women are usually the ones to take care of dying, aging parents. Sounds like she wants to stay close to her parents.
Author thromback Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 We agreed on America, but now it seems like it's changing because she's bringing this up right when I graduate school. It bothers me because I am goal-driven, and would've went to college in Europe if I knew this was the case because she told me all the time how she hates Holland, but now the story changes, and you do have a valid point, but I am kind of pissed about it
la vie est belle Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 Does she have a legitimate phobia of death or is she just a natural worrier? I'm asking because my bf recently admitted to me (surprisingly) that he has an irrational fear of death, but like a legit phobia since he was a kid and it's improved as he's gotten over but he said there's still nights where he'll cry himself to sleep. When he first told me that I was like, "wtf" but after looking it up on Google apparently it's a REALLY common thing. I can understand your frustration, but whether she has a legitimate phobia or not is something you should look into... if she does, there's a good chance she's gonna need lots of support.
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