souper_caitlin Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I have a bad history of cheating on boyfriends. I am in college and have been through a string of 4 long-term relationships, one after another. Sometimes there was a short break in between, but I often cheated with one guy and then broke off my current relationship to be with him. I was dating this one guy (whom I have lived with for the past 1.5 years , along with 3 other friends) for 2 years and broke up with him last October because I felt as if he was not treating me like he used to and I had also found someone else I was interested in and moved on to. During that 2 year relationship, when I was apart from this guy (at home for the summer or for winter break) I cheated with 5 different people. He knows about one time. He forgave me for it and we started fresh. It could be a proximity thing--I don't do well with long distance. It could be the fact that he was not meeting all my emotional needs. Excuses don't change the action though. When I broke up with him in October, he became really depressed and is still so--I think he still loves me and thinks we're meant to be. I was recently dumped by the guy for whom I dumped the 2-year-guy. This is my first time ever being dumped in a relationship--he didn't feel for me what I felt for him. My friends and family think I need to be single for awhile. I completely agree. I don't need to jump headfirst into another relationship. The 2-year-guy (whom I still live with until the end of May) has just started talking and being friendly with me again. I think he thinks that this is his chance to get back together with me. And although I want to entertain that possibility for the future, I think I need to tell him about the 5 times before anything can ever happen. How should I go about this? I am aware that he may not want to ever speak to me again. I know I deserve that. I'm just really scared.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I have to agree with you not getting involved in any relationship until you have been through some serious therapy. Someone always gets hurt from this kind of behavior, I can attest to that. It does not feel good to know that the person you loved with all your heart deceived you in such a way, as well as thought nothing of putting your health at risk. You are young, you have a whole life ahead of you, and the habits you start now will stay with you for a lifetime. Do what you need to do to get yourself on track with the relationship jumping behavior as well as the cheating, not only for yourself, but for those who you are involved with that care about you and have feelings.
Professor X Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 You are a by the book SLUT. How should I go about this? I am aware that he may not want to ever speak to me again. I know I deserve that. I'm just really scared. You need help, and now. Go seek therapy. DO NOT go into relationship with the poor bastard, you cheated on him 5!!!!!!!! freaking times, stop torturing him you sadistic bitch. Just leave all men alone until you fix yourself.
Stilicho Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 honestly, people like you are some of the worst people around. dont you understand how much pain and anguish you cause people?! people that love you no less. you are a selfish, insecure little girl. do the world a favor and never date again.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 While I wouldn't choose the same vocab as some of the responses here, I agree with the general direction of the replies. If you routinely cheat on your BFs, including five times on the 2-year guy, you have bigger issues than whether or not to be honest with the 2-year guy about the extent of your cheating. You need to stay out of relationships for awhile, and get some counselling. Cheating is something that is COMPLETELY within your power to control, and yet you choose do it anyway. Repeatedly. It's not clear from your posts whether or not you recognize that cheating is wrong (i.e. hurtful and disrespectful to your partner, who places trust in you and your loyalty). If you don't recognize that, then that's the place to start in your counselling. If you DO recognize that but cheat anyway, then there's something else going on. Either way, you need to get to the bottom of those issues before you're ready to be in a relationship again. If you don't, the same pattern will continue.
drifter777 Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 I see this quite differently than the others who have commented thus far. To me, you are simply too young and immature for a "relationship" so stop doing that to yourself and others. There's nothing wrong with a young women exploring her sexuality and having casual sex whenever and with whomever you choose. The problem is that you think you want to be in a committed relationship, and that simply will not work as long as your mind is in the place it is currently at. It's ok to be single and free. Don't get involved in a relationship until you fall in love with someone and are sure you want to make a commitment to each other to be monogamous. What you are doing now is reckless and hurtful so just stop trying to be someone you are not.
WorldIsYours Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 You are a by the book SLUT. You need help, and now. Go seek therapy. DO NOT go into relationship with the poor bastard, you cheated on him 5!!!!!!!! freaking times, stop torturing him you sadistic bitch. Just leave all men alone until you fix yourself. Agreed. She needs to stop.
LadyD06 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 i loved reading everyone's reply expecially prof X i can totally sympathize with your situation, i've been known to break hearts of a few boys and a friend. i regret everything i've done and feel horrible about the way i went about the situations i put myself in. smh. but now im in a relationship and its like the roles flipped he claims he can't be with me cause of etc etc (mainly BS) and i've fallin deep in love with him. i've dated my first serious bf and broke it off because i got attention from someone else, then had a son by the second guy. then once i lost intrest in him i cheated with my first bf. stupid i know. now this is the third guy that i'm with and he doesnt feel thee same way i feel about him. im just saying KARMA IS A BITCH.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Hold on, when somebody is doing something like this that is very counter-productive there really is an underlying issue. OP get into EMDR therapy, check out some books on affairs and cheating and find out what the Hell is triggering this for you. Seriously. Check out some resources on Sexual Addiction as well: Out of the Shawdows and Don't Call it Love are great resources. Very few people empathize with those that cheat and many on these boards have been hurt by the actions of those that cheat. Jut try to find the responses that will actually help and curb the situation. Stay single until you resolve this.
smudge21 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Can't help but agree. A friend of mine has been with her now fiance for nearly 5 years, and left him easily 4 times. They've always flat/house shared which also makes things difficult. I really do not understand how he stays around, unless he's just accepting of the situation (she is simply stunning and he is fairly plain looking, so maybe in his mind he thinks he won't do any better). Her attitude when she cheats and leaves him seems to be one of not caring at the time, until she goes back to him. I too think she's got issues that need dealing with, but unfortunately some people are impossible to help - you can only help those that want it. On the flip side, I see no problem with people, men or women, enjoying life, casual relationships and the like. As long as they play safe and don't hurt anyone in the process. Sadly this doesn't seem the case for this poster, or my friend.
Recommended Posts