dng Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 So I'm still on the demon FB but not friends with my ex. Out of nowhere my previous ex - that's over 10 years ago - adds me on facebook. She has three kids and still with the guy. Her mom is sick, her kids are getting older and now she's saying things like "I've realized I forgot myself in all of this". After a few emails she started asking me to go for a beer. I've said no, told her I was quite vulnerable at the moment on account of my current breakup but she came back with it anyway. This has been eating at me somewhat. It took me 2 years to get over her, that breakup was way worse than the current one. So today I sent her an email saying she doesn't know who I am anymore, I was devastated when she left and I changed and became another person after she left, told to her to be careful and suggested she keeps her distances. I clearly remember I always had the gut feeling she wasn't reliable, I dont know if this proves it but I feel it sort of does. I don't want to presume she was ready to go off the reservation or anything but she was certainly being flirty in her tone.
GreenPolicy Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Well you're certainly right to not get involved with a married woman. You don't want to be the OM. And I guess you told her what you needed to tell her, that she hurt you deeply. My ex ended things in a pretty abrupt manner. We didn't really have a breakup conversation...she came over, told me she was dumping me, offered little in the way of an explanation, and then left. You can read the background story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253770/ Part of what has helped me maintain NC is that I realize anything I say to her is beyond her understanding. Nothing good would come of it.
health Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 So I'm still on the demon FB but not friends with my ex. Out of nowhere my previous ex - that's over 10 years ago - adds me on facebook. She has three kids and still with the guy. Her mom is sick, her kids are getting older and now she's saying things like "I've realized I forgot myself in all of this". After a few emails she started asking me to go for a beer. I've said no, told her I was quite vulnerable at the moment on account of my current breakup but she came back with it anyway. This has been eating at me somewhat. It took me 2 years to get over her, that breakup was way worse than the current one. So today I sent her an email saying she doesn't know who I am anymore, I was devastated when she left and I changed and became another person after she left, told to her to be careful and suggested she keeps her distances. I clearly remember I always had the gut feeling she wasn't reliable, I dont know if this proves it but I feel it sort of does. I don't want to presume she was ready to go off the reservation or anything but she was certainly being flirty in her tone. What a dumb ass ho! LMAO..keep your distance you're in a WAY better place!
Author dng Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Maybe I'm insane or skewed. Certainly I'm jaded, perhaps she was really trying to just be friends, as a welcome distraction in her I suppose quite boring life. I don't have that available for her. I feel a little bad but I know it will subside. I think I would put myself at risk by seeing her.
GreenPolicy Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I feel a little bad but I know it will subside. I think I would put myself at risk by seeing her. You both would be risking a lot by seeing each other.
weedsandposies Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 you're doing the right thing by keeping your distance. there will be nothing platonic about it. I also had my ex reach out to me on facebook (cursed venue), met up for drinks, started an 8 month affair, then ended it. now my marriage is suffering. and im in so much pain. I would also recommend unfriending AND blocking her.
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Out of nowhere my previous ex - that's over 10 years ago Delete her. This is why adding ex's from the past is NOT a good idea. Why people do this, is beyond me. My ex tried to add me, he wrote me a message too. I never replied nor did I accept his friendship request. It just opens doors that should always stayed closed! Why would one want to reach backwards and bring ex from their past back into their lives, especially after so many years is mind baffling. She hurt you in the past, and you're vunerable, she has stuff going on in her life.. Last thing you need is to be sucked into drama and have an affair. You owe her nothing. Remember that. Delete her and don't feel bad about it either.
Author dng Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) you're doing the right thing by keeping your distance. there will be nothing platonic about it. I also had my ex reach out to me on facebook (cursed venue), met up for drinks, started an 8 month affair, then ended it. now my marriage is suffering. and im in so much pain. I would also recommend unfriending AND blocking her. Reading you freaks me out a little bit more. I've changed so much since when I was dating her, in large part because of the casual way in which she dumped me and how she moved on in about 5 days. I was totally baffled but I went NC in about 3-4 days. Met up with her one last time a month later to exchange our things. I told her I would never see her or call her again and she scoffed. I never did, as much as it was insanely painful. From this breakup I came out a changed man. I was a total sweetheart when we met, I loved nothing more in the world than I loved her and there's nothing I wouldnt have done for her. After, I was hardened, I wasnt able to let anyone in my life for years. I broke many hearts. My current ex was really jaleous and scared of that relationship that happened before her. Even after we were done, she referred to it a few times for some retarded comments - stuff like I've loved you the most in my life but for you it was your ex, etc. She told me I could go back to her now that I was single. I dont remember telling her anything about it either, I guess she knew there was something there because I really avoided the subject of the ex. I also came out with a list of rules for what my next girlfriend would be. Yeah, that doesnt really work, the current ex was very similar, in the end. I just didn't see it because she hid it better. Another reason it freaks me out is it shows me how much I've changed. I toyed with the idea of letting this unfold and then tell the guy. This is so evil but I was very tempted by it. What stopped me is that I'd rather try and date someone not totally insane, and also that this other guy has done nothing to deserve the hell this would unleash on him. I'll settle with being glad she left. I had a rough start, awesome moments and deep anxieties but I've been alive and thriving. Edited April 15, 2011 by dng
weedsandposies Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) My ex tried to add me, he wrote me a message too. I never replied nor did I accept his friendship request. Smart. So wish I knew about this site back then, wouldve run the other way! My ex had pics of his ex gf and her kids. I assumed they were his and felt ok reconnecting. I was very very wrong. Nope. He was single and on the hunt, probably happy I was married, less work. Jerk. (sorry i'm not even a week in nc with raw emotions) Edited April 15, 2011 by weedsandposies
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