kris-26 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 So i was proud of myself that i have made it one month of no contact from my ex. It was a very unhealthy relationship w tramutic bonding. He has serious emotional issues. So we had talked for 6 months every day after we broke up and finally a month ago, we had a huge fight and he said he didnt want to talk to me and he was saving me from his poison. and i told him i wouldnt speak to him again either. Well even though all my friends and therapist have told me "oh he will def contact you again" it has been one month with zero contact. I am torn on how i should feel. On one hand relieved that drama and horrible feelings i had are out of my life. But on the other hand it makes me really sad and feel like wow , clearly i meant nothing, if it was so easy for him to walk away. And everyone says he is prob having just as much difficulity as i am but most times I doubt that and my mind wonders about him prob dating someone else etc. I just wondered the people w experience with NC, does it get better?? Does it stay like this forever? this aniexty feeling of will he ever call again? I can say 100% if he did contact me i would ignore him. I just want to start to really feel better. Some days I do really well, then others creep up on me. I get mad at myself , why waste anymore thinking on someone who treated me so badly? ugh....anyone have any words of wisdom?? Do they normally contact after month of NC? is it better this way?? help!!
Blueberry7691 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Wow! I just posted on my Healing Log similar feelings you are having. I made it to 4 weeks of NC and then I broke it which pisses me off. I'm with you..I want to feel better too and stop the damn thoughts!! Anyway, back to you, I'm sure your ex misses you and is going through the same feelings unless he's not human. He's just sticking to his guns. Don't worry about him. Take care of yourself!!! Take it from me, and DON'T break NC!!! He will contact you. But do you really want him to?
ilovedhim Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm going through a similar situation as you except i just started NC. Did you ever feel guilty for leaving him to "fend" for himself with his emotional issues? I'm new at this also sorry can't be of much help but would suggest keeping the nc, you've come this far stay strong. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMBpBjFfVyo
Author kris-26 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I used to feel guilty, but then with the help of friends and my therapist I realized I cant fix him or change him and he most likely will never be able to be in a healthy relationship or be trust worthy or truely be able to love. I dont want that for myself. I put so much into fixing him and sticking by him to get better and only got hurt and lost myself in the process. and he told me many times after we broke up that he is poison to me and will only hurt me and bring me down. so if someone tells you that, you really have no choice. and NC wasnt as hard this month just the last few days i have been thinking alot and sad and just get angry that its seems easier. but everyone always says dont think about them, think about me, which is soooo hard!! and do I want him to contact? sometimes yes, just so I can ignore him and show him that i am not this weak person that always responds like I did before. he said to me you always say we wont talk and we always do, which pushed me the last month not too. its so hard!
DollyGirl12 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I'm sorry you are going through this, but realize what you are going through is normal. When you begin to feel that anxiety try to find something that you can do that helps relieve it. Maybe it's posting here,,,,maybe it's going for a brisk walk. It could be a number of things. Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to feel it and move through it. They say that the only way to actually be able to move on, in a healthy way, is to go through the feelings, not around them. It will take time for you, especially if you were in an unhealthy relationship with traumatic bonding. You will get there, one baby step at a time. But, if your relationship was unhealthy I would definitely suggest no more contact with him at all, or you will be right back at step one and going through all these feelings over and over again.
Cassandra92 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 My ex contacted me about a month after he told me everything was over between us and that he needed to move on. He said that he missed talking to me and wanted to know what was going on in my life. It was a huge surprise to get that email since I had not expected to hear from him for a good few months. Strangely, it calmed me down to know he was thinking about me and missing me, until he went and screwed me around with his bull**** again... But basically, expect the unexpected and be the strong one. I know how validating it was for me to get that email from my ex and that is not the kind of validation you want to give someone who has hurt you. I'm trying indefinate NC now and hoping this gives me a better chance of moving on.
broken-and-lost Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I used to feel guilty, but then with the help of friends and my therapist I realized I cant fix him or change him and he most likely will never be able to be in a healthy relationship or be trust worthy or truely be able to love. I dont want that for myself. I put so much into fixing him and sticking by him to get better and only got hurt and lost myself in the process. and he told me many times after we broke up that he is poison to me and will only hurt me and bring me down. so if someone tells you that, you really have no choice. and NC wasnt as hard this month just the last few days i have been thinking alot and sad and just get angry that its seems easier. but everyone always says dont think about them, think about me, which is soooo hard!! and do I want him to contact? sometimes yes, just so I can ignore him and show him that i am not this weak person that always responds like I did before. he said to me you always say we wont talk and we always do, which pushed me the last month not too. its so hard! My ex girlfriend was in a similar position to you and i give her very little choice in the end but to walk away, i did manage to change and sort myself out so there is always hope for people to do it, But you have probably done the right thing for you by sticking to NC, i'm guessing in one way he wants to know your there in the background but can't emotionally give you want you need right now as he is stuck in his own personal hell in the end he is the only person who can get himself out you not being there might force him to drag himself out, but for your health try and give yourself some space for now and don't judge him too harshly. People can change and do sometime losing something very special to you forces you to challenge even the worse monsters. I know it did for me, hopefully it will for him but for you i think it's important to try and focus on space for now, i know that's what my ex did and she's moved on which makes me sad but her happy and at the end of the day her being happy and you being happy is what's important!!! Stay strong
Author kris-26 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Broken and lost- thanks for your reply. I do know the best thing was for me to walk away and I know he pushed me away b/c he wanted me to be happy and deep down I know 95% of him staying away is so I have a chance to heal. the other 5% is prob relieve of not having to be truthful and open with me or anyone anymore. It does make me sad thinking he isnt thinking about me but like you said he most likely is and just knows he cant give me what I need or anyone for that matter. he is in intense therapy and even the therapist didnt think he could change and if he did not much, def not to the point you seemed to have changed which is even more a reason to stay away. Just have those feeligns like ugh, is he having a hard time like me. but you seem to be saying he prob is. How long did you stay away from your ex?
broken-and-lost Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Broken and lost- thanks for your reply. I do know the best thing was for me to walk away and I know he pushed me away b/c he wanted me to be happy and deep down I know 95% of him staying away is so I have a chance to heal. the other 5% is prob relieve of not having to be truthful and open with me or anyone anymore. It does make me sad thinking he isnt thinking about me but like you said he most likely is and just knows he cant give me what I need or anyone for that matter. he is in intense therapy and even the therapist didnt think he could change and if he did not much, def not to the point you seemed to have changed which is even more a reason to stay away. Just have those feeligns like ugh, is he having a hard time like me. but you seem to be saying he prob is. How long did you stay away from your ex? for me it was a little different as for the last year of our relationship i decided to try and fix my depression to save my relationship with her because i could she how much she was getting upset and that's the last thing i ever wanted so something snapped in me when kind of went casual for that year only spent limited time with each other unfortunately she decided to walk away about 6 months ago even tho i'd sorted myself out and we hadn't argued or anything. it's been two months since i've contacted her before that it was low contact, i still think about her everyday but i know it's for the best i stay away and i think she has met someone and is moving on it's a bitter pile to swallow but i'm happy for her if she is happy...... Trust me he is probably thinking about you just because he hasn't contacted you doesn't mean he doesn't still care, not a day goes by i don't think about her and what i lost but i'm not going to contact her now she deserves to be happy, but doesn't stop me thinking about her and what i've lost, not sure i'll ever forget her or be able to start fresh with someone new but i owe her so much and i'm sure he will feel the same at some point about you!!!!
smith1975 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 So i was proud of myself that i have made it one month of no contact from my ex. It was a very unhealthy relationship w tramutic bonding. He has serious emotional issues. So we had talked for 6 months every day after we broke up and finally a month ago, we had a huge fight and he said he didnt want to talk to me and he was saving me from his poison. and i told him i wouldnt speak to him again either. Well even though all my friends and therapist have told me "oh he will def contact you again" it has been one month with zero contact. I am torn on how i should feel. On one hand relieved that drama and horrible feelings i had are out of my life. But on the other hand it makes me really sad and feel like wow , clearly i meant nothing, if it was so easy for him to walk away. And everyone says he is prob having just as much difficulity as i am but most times I doubt that and my mind wonders about him prob dating someone else etc. I just wondered the people w experience with NC, does it get better?? Does it stay like this forever? this aniexty feeling of will he ever call again? I can say 100% if he did contact me i would ignore him. I just want to start to really feel better. Some days I do really well, then others creep up on me. I get mad at myself , why waste anymore thinking on someone who treated me so badly? ugh....anyone have any words of wisdom?? Do they normally contact after month of NC? is it better this way?? help!! nc will make you stressed at first but your doing the right thing. Nothing is going to change between you two if you get back together. He might say he has chaged but you cant change your personallity. In all my years I have changed alot but my personallity hasnt. Remember that when he calls you and he will. Look at the call or text and just laugh and say I told you so.
Author kris-26 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 I'm sorry your ex didnt stick around! at least you are trying to get better. And mine did the same thing for 6 months was better and great. Then he said I just cant. I am too messed up and cant love and cant feel. So we broke up. Then for 6-7 months after break up talked everyday. then we had a huge fight. he said he was poison, like i mentioned and he did tell me he would think of me everyday and the hurt he caused. So I know deep down like you said he is thinking about me. I just wish deep down I could know he was feeling like I was. I do know as more time goes by it will start to get better and easier and I know he will always stay the same. He told me he never loved anyone as much as he did love me and i believe that, so if he couldnt change for me, doubtful he will. So i am sticking to NC and hoping as time goes by it will get easier and easier.....even though EVERYONE keeps saying he def will contact again. and a month isnt that long and that give it time.
broken-and-lost Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I'm sorry your ex didnt stick around! at least you are trying to get better. And mine did the same thing for 6 months was better and great. Then he said I just cant. I am too messed up and cant love and cant feel. So we broke up. Then for 6-7 months after break up talked everyday. then we had a huge fight. he said he was poison, like i mentioned and he did tell me he would think of me everyday and the hurt he caused. So I know deep down like you said he is thinking about me. I just wish deep down I could know he was feeling like I was. I do know as more time goes by it will start to get better and easier and I know he will always stay the same. He told me he never loved anyone as much as he did love me and i believe that, so if he couldnt change for me, doubtful he will. So i am sticking to NC and hoping as time goes by it will get easier and easier.....even though EVERYONE keeps saying he def will contact again. and a month isnt that long and that give it time. It sounds like he has a long way to go yet and the changes are he will contact you again and trust me he is feeling the same inside..... It was a shame that my girl decided to bail as i'd really had sorted myself out it was never really to do with her and i did try my best to explain that at the time but i guess i just caused her a few too many bad memories in the end and she is a very good kind person and i don't blame her for leaving, thankfully i'm ok i did manage to beat my depression and in part i owe that to her as she made me face a monster in my closet just ashame the cost of that was losing her...... People can change don't be shocked if your ex turns himself around some day may not seem possible right now but you really never do know and maybe you'll both be in better places to talk then, but for now take comfort in the fact he thinks enough of you to give you the space you need and deserve to heal, wish my girl was a bit more like you and maybe we would still be together as you seem to have done everything to stick with him and not give up.
stopthemadness Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 So i was proud of myself that i have made it one month of no contact from my ex. It was a very unhealthy relationship w tramutic bonding. He has serious emotional issues. So we had talked for 6 months every day after we broke up and finally a month ago, we had a huge fight and he said he didnt want to talk to me and he was saving me from his poison. and i told him i wouldnt speak to him again either. Well even though all my friends and therapist have told me "oh he will def contact you again" it has been one month with zero contact. I am torn on how i should feel. On one hand relieved that drama and horrible feelings i had are out of my life. But on the other hand it makes me really sad and feel like wow , clearly i meant nothing, if it was so easy for him to walk away. And everyone says he is prob having just as much difficulity as i am but most times I doubt that and my mind wonders about him prob dating someone else etc. I just wondered the people w experience with NC, does it get better?? Does it stay like this forever? this aniexty feeling of will he ever call again? I can say 100% if he did contact me i would ignore him. I just want to start to really feel better. Some days I do really well, then others creep up on me. I get mad at myself , why waste anymore thinking on someone who treated me so badly? ugh....anyone have any words of wisdom?? Do they normally contact after month of NC? is it better this way?? help!! Hi sorry for your pain and heart ache. The part when you said that you guys still kept contact for 6 months after the break up made me sad for you. I too tryed that for a few months after my breakup, soo we kept L/C for a few months the whole while him dating women from facebook and myspace(so i learned later) Well..in Jan he met a lady and in Feb he moved in with her..We havent had contact for 3 months on the 20th. Iam soo proud. Me and this man had been doing the breakup makeup thing for 8+ years. And now he can do that with his new women. Ya i miss him, but oh well life goes on..I joined a gym (going there now) and i see a therapist every few weeks. I was very broken..Iam so much better now then i was at first. Its the NO CONTACT that helps you heal, without it your still going round and round. So hang in there, your doing good 30 days and counting right? You (we) will one day love again..BUT we have to get past this the whole way!! for that to happen...GOOD LUCK
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