JadedAmore Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I haven't added anything useful because I'm hopping aboard late. Life gets in the way of LS sometimes. Add me to the list of wanting to know how you're doing. You can do this, you have your own team of supporters rooting you on!
Author MLC64 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Posted April 21, 2011 (edited) I am adding to my list of why NC = no new hurts... -so I don't have to hear him say "I have many other priorities right now on a much Grander scale"....(nice hey). I have no time for this right now. If that comment doesn't make a person with any type of self esteem or consideration for self and well being see true colors....then I won't know what will. I see that sentence and could throw up to think I would tolerate that type of behavior from ANYONE in my life. Never have before, never will again. I am keeping very busy. Am I hurting, yes. Do I miss him? Yes, like crazy. I cared deeply. That is what I have to move through. The feelings of "love" or what I thought were love was not actually love. They were false feelings of love, it was an escape, a fantasy. People who truly love you DO NOT say the above; ever. I was used and ultimately, I guess I used him too. Cold hard fact. I was a convenience for him when his schedule allowed...another cold hard fact of being an OW. Stupid stupid thinking I had that I am paying for now. I appreciate the links to the narcissistic, PA and the other links that really have helped me see what is really going on with my xMM. I actually feel sorry for him. But he is NOT my problem. He is hers. thanks for my team of supporters rooting me on....this as many of us know is difficult going thru alone..... Edited April 21, 2011 by MLC64 thanks...
Amour7 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Hang in there, MLC. It's good to hear from you, and it sounds like things are coming to clarity for you. I have been thinking, too, "it must not have been love," but I usually come back to accepting that I did in fact love him very much and even if he hurt me and couldn't give me what I needed, he did have love for me. It feels so strange for me to cycle through so many different thoughts and feelings as I'm trying to recover from my affair with my xMM. You are right; you're not alone. And everything you are feeling is ok, and it's part of a process. I talked to my therapist the other day about the difference between being in the A and feeling hurt and STUCK, and grieving the loss of xMM, which hurts like hell, but the hurt feels like it is MOVING THROUGH me. She said there is research that tears of grief actually have a different chemical composition compared to other tears, and it appears they really help rid your body of the unique hurt that comes from losing a loved one. Hugs! I am adding to my list of why NC = no new hurts... -so I don't have to hear him say "I have many other priorities right now on a much Grander scale"....(nice hey). I have no time for this right now. If that comment doesn't make a person with any type of self esteem or consideration for self and well being see true colors....then I won't know what will. I see that sentence and could throw up to think I would tolerate that type of behavior from ANYONE in my life. Never have before, never will again. I am keeping very busy. Am I hurting, yes. Do I miss him? Yes, like crazy. I cared deeply. That is what I have to move through. The feelings of "love" or what I thought were love was not actually love. They were false feelings of love, it was an escape, a fantasy. People who truly love you DO NOT say the above; ever. I was used and ultimately, I guess I used him too. Cold hard fact. I was a convenience for him when his schedule allowed...another cold hard fact of being an OW. Stupid stupid thinking I had that I am paying for now. I appreciate the links to the narcissistic, PA and the other links that really have helped me see what is really going on with my xMM. I actually feel sorry for him. But he is NOT my problem. He is hers. thanks for my team of supporters rooting me on....this as many of us know is difficult going thru alone.....
fooled once Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I am adding to my list of why NC = no new hurts... -so I don't have to hear him say "I have many other priorities right now on a much Grander scale"....(nice hey). I have no time for this right now. If that comment doesn't make a person with any type of self esteem or consideration for self and well being see true colors....then I won't know what will. I see that sentence and could throw up to think I would tolerate that type of behavior from ANYONE in my life. Never have before, never will again. I am keeping very busy. Am I hurting, yes. Do I miss him? Yes, like crazy. I cared deeply. That is what I have to move through. The feelings of "love" or what I thought were love was not actually love. They were false feelings of love, it was an escape, a fantasy. People who truly love you DO NOT say the above; ever. I was used and ultimately, I guess I used him too. Cold hard fact. I was a convenience for him when his schedule allowed...another cold hard fact of being an OW. Stupid stupid thinking I had that I am paying for now. I appreciate the links to the narcissistic, PA and the other links that really have helped me see what is really going on with my xMM. I actually feel sorry for him. But he is NOT my problem. He is hers. thanks for my team of supporters rooting me on....this as many of us know is difficult going thru alone..... Good girl - he isn't YOUR problem!! I know you are struggling at times, but each day, you are getting stronger and stronger. And don't you dare ever let anyone "use" you again You DO deserve better! And if you can't be someone's priority, never settle for being their option!
Author MLC64 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Good girl - he isn't YOUR problem!! I know you are struggling at times, but each day, you are getting stronger and stronger. And don't you dare ever let anyone "use" you again You DO deserve better! And if you can't be someone's priority, never settle for being their option! I am not sure how I can live with myself...right now I feel so sickened, and mad. He keeps txting me......he is just toying with me and I am not going to reply. It is a game to him, so very annoying. Anyone reading this who is considering an A with a MM, don't do it. And if you are involved, quit now!!! They will mess with your mind, heart and soul. It takes a lot of work to undo the damage inside, when they push and pull, manipulate and hurt. They are masters at this. They want you but they don't. They love to be intimate with you on "their" terms, when it is convenient for them only. It is like the OW has NO priority, no say, no anything. How friggin pathetic, and why? Why did I allow this? That is what I have to ask myself. I am missing the affection and attention in my M, which is the only thing I can come up with. I have amazing people in my life other than my H, I am trying to surround myself with them. Crap this sucks. Thanks for letting me vent.....
kimpppp Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 -no more searching for him on all the dating sites he is on I hope you are doing better. The comment above was a red flag to me. I know it hurts but, be grateful that you are no longer with this man. This could be a very dangerous situation for you. You really deserve someone who treats you better and isn't on a bunch of dating sites. Good luck, it will get better.
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