Im hurting...

[skeet392]

She's a coworker. Beautiful as hell. But of course, she's married. Im not. I do have a girlfriend, but nothing serious.But back to this woman.We have been working in the company for 12 yrs, although in different departments. I see her from time to time. Normal hi and hellos, how ya doins and what not. Then, in October of last year, is when it all began.

 

Facebook. Saw her profile, checked it out, I was curious. Some of the stuff she posts are pretty mundane , normal stuff. But some lines caught my attention. Stressed at work, at home, the kids, fights with him. Almost every week, a vent or a rant concerning all of these, comes up.

 

Of course, the knight in shining armor in me or perhaps the prey on the weak mentality, decides to message her on FB. She responds, a day later. Surprised by my poke, she says. A couple more messages in the week, I thought nothing of it, just being a pal. A week later, a friend request. Its her. So of course, I took the bait.

 

A few more exchanges on FB more a couple of weeks, actually, more like everyday. Almost any post we put up , we hit the "like" button. Hmmm, Im thinking , something is going here, perhaps? Now, the times we get to meet at work, a smile here and there. A hello my FB friend here and there. A nervous giggle here and there. Mutual friends on FB noticing our banter. We just laugh about it. Yup, I thought, something is really going on here.

 

I notice she stopped posting about her stress and the craziness in her life. A month later, still talking on FB, she gives me her phone number. Well, now. This is taking things to another level.

 

The texting begun right away. Flirty messages, innuendos and all. Telling me her life after work. Housework, homework with the kids, the arguments with the hubby. Talking on FB was forgotten. The instantaneous nature of texting was exhilirating. She tells me she needs to watch her back, after all, she's married. I ask, happy? She says, no. The whole thing was a mistake. Life for her, since getting married, was hell. But could not leave the hubby, for the sake of their kids.

 

OK, so why talk to me. Finds me interesting, likes to flirt, felt very comfortable with me, she says. The new year starts. January. A cold winter night. I text her telling her Im in bed, thinking of her. She asks me, am I touching myself?. Kinda surprised, but I took the bait. But of course, she remains a mystery when I start the sexual stuff. Which was ok to me.

 

Its now April. Ive fallen for her. Yup, believe it or not, thru the magic of texting. We havent really talked, you know, about, real stuff, face to face. Weve talked on the phone a couple of times, but of normal stuff. Ive asked her out, she declined. Which was fine with me. Thinking, she was being careful.

 

Two weeks ago, I get a "uh-oh" text. He's snooping around, she says. Wants her to hand him the phone bill. She has to stop texting. But she tells me, we can still talk on FB. OK, I told her. Bummed out, of course, texting was so much easy.

 

Two nights ago, I get a one word answer on FB. I asked her, if everything OK? Tells me she she's stopping the whole thing. I was surprised. Shocked, is the better word. Heartbroken comes next. Damn, I told her, thought we were going somewhere here. Tells me, she bit more than she could chew.

 

Hurt. The pain. Its almost been two days. Since October, constantly in touch with her made the winter months go quick. We both became emotional crutches for each other. I see the signs, the signals, all the things that a man needs to know, if a woman is interested in him.

 

Then all of the sudden, she stops? Just like that. Granted she never guaranteed anything at all, but really, why go, for so long,

letting me hang on a string. She could have nipped this at the bud a long time ago.

 

Told her, Ive fallen for her. She tells me she doesnt want to see me frustrated and hurt, so she must stop this. Too late. I am hurt.

 

 

Been a while since I felt this way about a woman. I get the fact that she has a life. I get that. The whole thing was flawed to begin with.

 

 

Going to take awhile for me to get over this. But the urge of wanting her back is driving me bonkers.

 

 

Thanks for reading. Felt better writing about it. Comments , anyone?

[Kinder-Horror]

I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for regarding this.

I can tell you that it is much easier to fall for someone you've only contacted through the internet and texting... because you get to fill in all the blank spaces with wonderful and perfect traits - when chances are, they aren't really like that.

 

How long did you plan on continuing this with her anyway? She's married, and you barely spoke in person. How much have you really lost? Put that energy into meeting someone new and available and you will have a much more rewarding relationship

[Professor X]

Wooha man, I gotta say.. I relate so much.

It's almost exactly what happened to me, except that I went a bit further with my relationship with the married woman (also, I was single at the time), we got to have sex together.

Still, when it came to the moment of truth, she wouldn't break up her family for me.

I never asked her, nor did I live in the illusion she would leave everything for me, but still, the hope was there.

 

And it hurt like hell when it came to an end.

Took me well over 2 years to forget about her. The first 6 months were living hell.

 

Sometimes I think to myself that the purpose of this relationship was to break my heart just so I could rebuild it better.

 

Well, like the saying goes, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, right?

[skylight79]

It may not seem so now but you are probably better off. It sounds like she was using you as a distraction...but only she knows the truth...wait awhile then ask her if you need to know. I know it sounds like a cop out but I am always confused as to if I should choose mind over lusty tempting matter...I started posting donations to charity on this site that lets you donate to charity for different levels of cheating....lol and when they sent me an email notification saying I helped with water and food distribution in Africa, I Did feel better! Then I deleted the email evidence of course....But I think it's a great idea for something positive to come out of something negative. You should try it, and I hope you feel better soon.... http://www.startledputt.com/pay-charity-2-cheat.php

[Memphis Raines]

She's a coworker. Beautiful as hell. But of course, she's married.

 

then leave her alone

 

 

Im not. I do have a girlfriend, but nothing serious.

 

its usually nothing serious when someone wants to better deal their committed partner.

 

 

Facebook. Saw her profile, checked it out, I was curious. Some of the stuff she posts are pretty mundane , normal stuff. But some lines caught my attention. Stressed at work, at home, the kids, fights with him. Almost every week, a vent or a rant concerning all of these, comes up.

 

Of course, the knight in shining armor in me or perhaps the prey on the weak mentality, decides to message her on FB.

 

yup, this is what I thought before I even read it. first things first. break up with your girlfriend and quit wasting her time. she could be out dating decent guys.

 

 

I notice she stopped posting about her stress and the craziness in her life. A month later, still talking on FB, she gives me her phone number. Well, now. This is taking things to another level.

 

and you don't mind taking things with someone elses wife to another level do you?

 

 

The texting begun right away. Flirty messages, innuendos and all. Telling me her life after work. Housework, homework with the kids, the arguments with the hubby. Talking on FB was forgotten. The instantaneous nature of texting was exhilirating. She tells me she needs to watch her back, after all, she's married. I ask, happy? She says, no. The whole thing was a mistake. Life for her, since getting married, was hell. But could not leave the hubby, for the sake of their kids.

 

well then she should be getting a divorce shouldn't she? I suspect she isn't happy because she has a bad home life, she is just a bored housewife who simply doesn't like life with the same guy for the long haul.

 

for the sake of the kids? Especially seeing that she is the mother, thats a load of bunk. And if she were thinking of her kids, she wouldn't be an untrustworthy louse and disrepect their father behind his back.

 

 

OK, so why talk to me.

 

your new and validating her attractiveness and feeding her inner attention whore.

 

 

Finds me interesting, likes to flirt, felt very comfortable with me, she says.

 

and you think its because you are all that dontcha? sorry, it could have been almost any guy that flashed her a little attention.

 

 

Two nights ago, I get a one word answer on FB. I asked her, if everything OK? Tells me she she's stopping the whole thing. I was surprised. Shocked, is the better word. Heartbroken comes next. Damn, I told her, thought we were going somewhere here. Tells me, she bit more than she could chew.

 

this tells me she doesn't want to end her marriage for reasons other than the kids. if her line of bulls##t that she fed you were true, then being found out would actually be a relief.

 

 

Then all of the sudden, she stops? Just like that. Granted she never guaranteed anything at all, but really, why go, for so long,

letting me hang on a string. She could have nipped this at the bud a long time ago.

 

Since you knew she was married, and this is just a thought, you could have nipped this a long time ago:o

 

but like you said, you were looking to prey on a woman who is simply bored with married life, and you wanted to swoop in on some other man's wife. so you were looking to bed down a married woman. so don't try to cry victim here.

 

 

Told her, Ive fallen for her. She tells me she doesnt want to see me frustrated and hurt, so she must stop this. Too late. I am hurt.

 

really, well gee, I'm thinking anyone that is hurt in this whole scenario that deserves any sympathy is her husband.

 

 

Going to take awhile for me to get over this. But the urge of wanting her back is driving me bonkers.

 

one can only hope that you get married some day, and some guy does to you what you are doing to her husband. then maybe you'll get it.

[627]

there are no more beautiful single women in this world that you chose to go after one who is married and with kids?

 

this could have easily been worse, what if her husband knew?

[P&R]

You deserve to be hurting. I have no sympathy for people that go after people that are married.

[skeet392]

Sorry for the late response, people. Just got home from work. Actually saw her today, we exchanged smiles, that was it.

 

Anyway, like i said on my post, i knew the whole thing was flawed. Falling in love with a married woman, is really a dead end deal. I know that.

 

But what if she's unhappy in her marriage? ( She is.) What if her husband has been cheating on her? ( He did, several times) What if she faces work at home after a hard day at work ( everytime).

 

Now . there's two things I want to happen. Not break up her home and have an affair. Or leave her husband for me. Im ready for both.

 

I understand why she got cold feet. Maybe she realized Im not the guy for her. Maybe she reconciled with the guy. Or maybe she doesnt have time for a relationship, with any guy. Whatever.

 

My question is - what her true feelings are about me. Was she just using me? Does she really want me but feels she's not ready for an affair? Maybe I was too open about my feelings for her, she wanted a little bit of mystery.Did she find another guy to play with?

 

These are questions that I need answers- for my piece of mind. Like should I wait for her to be ready, or should I completely abandon the thought of being with her?

 

Listen folks, I want her. Married or not, its about love. If two people find love with each other, no matter what , they'll do anything to fulfill their feelings for each other. Being married doesnt mean you cant find love with another person other than your spouse. Especially if the marriage is a bad one, in this case, it is. She's looking for an outlet, to get away, whether temporarily or permanently from her living hell. Its not a marriage anymore, if one is looking for love outside.

[jnj express]

Hey skeet---you better wake up---you want her---she has kids----and if she were to cheat, I guarantee you because you wrecked the life of those kids, and since you are attempting to do that---you just may have a very pis*ed off H. looking for you----

 

Why would you even wanna get involved in a mess like this, with a woman who cheats----you don't know that she has a bad home life do you????---You only know what she tells you---and what she tells you is coming from a woman who is trying to cheat on her own family

 

Why did she quit---come on---you know the answer---she got caught---and her H, most likely laid it out real straight for her---NC with you or D---and she sure as He*l is not gonna prefer you to her own kids, no matter what she thinks of her H----and I doubt very much if she figures you are gonna finance her life----or had you even thought of that

 

You need to wake up, and go find a good single woman----why???---how about this statistic---97% of A. hook-ups FAIL

[Professor X]

My question is - what her true feelings are about me. Was she just using me?

 

Yeah, she was using you. She was bored, her marriage life isn't so great and she wanted to spice things up - thats you.

 

Does she really want me but feels she's not ready for an affair?

Highly unlikely.

 

Maybe I was too open about my feelings for her, she wanted a little bit of mystery

No way.

 

Did she find another guy to play with?

Probably reality hit her and she realized you weren't (and never will be) worth her kids getting hurt.

 

These are questions that I need answers- for my piece of mind. Like should I wait for her to be ready, or should I completely abandon the thought of being with her?

Abandon the thoughts of her. Move on with your life, she's not worth putting your life on a hold.

If she ever becomes single, then you might break up whatever relationship you will have (if) in order to be with her (if she'll even want that), but until then... MOVE ON!

[betterdeal]

Of course, the knight in shining armor in me or perhaps the prey on the weak mentality, decides to message her on FB.

 

I don't like to take things from people who are unwell, and that's to be what you appear to be doing.

[skeet392]

 

 

 

Abandon the thoughts of her. Move on with your life, she's not worth putting your life on a hold.

If she ever becomes single, then you might break up whatever relationship you will have (if) in order to be with her (if she'll even want that), but until then... MOVE ON!

 

 

 

Listen to me folks....she comes to me right now...and tells me she loves me, but she cant be with me...Ill take that. Or if she admits that she just flirted because she liked the attention, ill take that too. Ill definitely move on. Or a one night stand will do it for me too....Wham bam...boom...I go away into the sunset. The point is, I want to know what her true feelings are. I bared everything about me to her. Just tell me the truth. Dont give me the I bit more than I could chew vague BS.

 

 

its the "What if"..that's killing me.

 

 

BTW....she hit the like button on a couple of FB posts I put up just this morning. Youd think if she wants to stop me from wanting her, she'll do anything not to get my attention. Hell, I was ready for her to delete me off her list.

 

Or maybe I should delete her off FB......hmmm..there's a thought. Ill eventually have to do that...but ill do that later. you know....for dramatics...LOL

[skeet392]

I don't like to take things from people who are unwell, and that's to be what you appear to be doing.

 

 

If you are a man like me....

 

 

.....youd understand where Im coming from. Well or unwell. Sane or insane.

[betterdeal]

If you are a man like me....

 

 

.....youd understand where Im coming from. Well or unwell. Sane or insane.

 

I am a man, but not like you, apparently. I have been like you and confused compassion with passion, in the past. It didn't work for me. Hurting people, inadvertently, negligently or deliberately really doesn't make me feel good.

[skeet392]

What is wrong with you? Are you a idiot? She was flirting just to boost her ego, it went too far and she cut it off before it cost her everything. How lonely are you that you have to chase a married woman through the internet?

 

 

yeah...im an idiot with emotions....yeah...i get it...she flirted to boost her ego....i guess thats the normal thing to say ...well, then..i get that....but come out and ADMIT it ....tell me straight to my face...dont give me these vague answers leaving me wondering.....she tells me that, then i move on.

 

OR...

 

 

is she into me, but doesnt know how to express herself....guess to most people, that is not part of the equation.

 

 

BTW people...she came on to me...first. Not me. It all started on FB. She requested me to be her friend. I accepted. She gave me her phone number, I took it. She started with the innuendos and all that.

[jnj express]

Hey skeet---A MAN , would not wreck another woman's family no matter how she came at him-----A MAN, has enuff class to tell a married woman to stay in her mge----skeet---you are definitely not a MAN-----all you wanna do is get in her pants---IS THAT STRAIGHT ENUFF FOR YOU

[Professor X]

Hey skeet---A MAN , would not wreck another woman's family no matter how she came at him-----A MAN, has enuff class to tell a married woman to stay in her mge----skeet---you are definitely not a MAN-----all you wanna do is get in her pants---IS THAT STRAIGHT ENUFF FOR YOU

 

That's a pile of bullcrap.

She didn't respect her marriage, therefor there's no reason he should of either.

Same goes that when you don't respect yourself, no-one will.

 

@Skeet392 - she probably didn't know it herself that all she wanted from you is an ego boost.

It's not like she was lying in bed thinking to herself "hmm, I'm gonna hunt myself a man to boost my ego so I can be with my H"

Edited April 15, 2011 by Professor X

[skeet392]

Hey skeet---A MAN , would not wreck another woman's family no matter how she came at him-----A MAN, has enuff class to tell a married woman to stay in her mge----skeet---you are definitely not a MAN-----all you wanna do is get in her pants---IS THAT STRAIGHT ENUFF FOR YOU

 

 

OK...assuming youre a man....a beautiful lady comes on to you...hurting from a bad marriage....flirts with you, probably wants to have you ( but you dont know that)...youre telling me, youre not even gonna think about it, at least?....who the hell are you...God? ...a perfect people..i laugh at hypocrits....

 

Im just that...a man.

 

i think a real man is one who can take no for an answer. In my case, her no is vague...very misleading. Give me this. Tell me you like me a lot, but I cant be with you right now . Give me a solid NO. Then...I walk away.

 

 

Just wanna be in her pants? Ill marry her right now if she asks me to. ....

 

 

folks...im asking her to be upfront about her feelings about me. I dont think shed be flirting with me if she didnt have an ounce of liking me.

 

 

Remember...she started this.

[perfectlyunique]

OK...assuming youre a man....a beautiful lady comes on to you...hurting from a bad marriage....flirts with you, probably wants to have you ( but you dont know that)...youre telling me, youre not even gonna think about it, at least?....who the hell are you...God? ...a perfect people..i laugh at hypocrits....

 

Im just that...a man.

 

i think a real man is one who can take no for an answer. In my case, her no is vague...very misleading. Give me this. Tell me you like me a lot, but I cant be with you right now . Give me a solid NO. Then...I walk away.

 

 

Just wanna be in her pants? Ill marry her right now if she asks me to. ....

 

 

folks...im asking her to be upfront about her feelings about me. I dont think shed be flirting with me if she didnt have an ounce of liking me.

 

 

Remember...she started this.

 

remember shes married now ..yeah she may divorce him and then eventually marry you who is to say she doesnt get bored in your marriage and do exactly the same? dont tell me that you wouldnt worry about her leaving you for someone else who pays her attention if you got married and things went through a rough patch.

 

If she loved you that much she'd leave him to be with you and stop doing it behind his back.

[jnj express]

Hey Prof X---so your telling me cuz a woman who is married with kids, who seduces, manipulates, flirts, for whatever reason---should be accomadated---no matter what---is that what you are saying?????

 

It doesn't matter that she has kids, whose lives will very possibly be wrecked, it doesn't matter she has an innocent H, whose life will be wrecked---for more often than not when a cheater does attempt to cheat with another, they demonize, their partner, make it sound like their Mge., is really bad, to justify their cheating actions

 

If you are saying that you will take this woman into an A., instead of trying to get her to go back to her H., you are--- (I won't state what I am thinking)

 

As to Skeet----it is obvious that this woman has been "outed" in some way---and for whatever reason she is trying to save her mge, and keep her family, and keep her kids from a terrible life, such as having to be in split homes---that is why she is NC, with you---she doesn't have to do anymore in the way of explanation, to you----If she does, contact you, and her H--catches her---her life as she knows it could be over---and she will have lost everything

 

You are the victim of a manipulating, seducing, married woman, who for whatever reason wanted to mess around---she has been caught---it is over---you never had a chance---but you yourself, with the way you are complaining, moaning, and groaning, about this, are turning yourself into a potential homewrecker, and that is what you would do if given half a chance----you have no complaint coming---YOU SHOULD NOT BE MESSING AROUND WITH A MARRIED WOMAN WITH KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE

 

Stop with the I will marry her---you don't even know her---why would you be so stupid to marry a woman, who only is in contact with you cuz she herself is cheating----go find yourself a single woman, and stay out of where you do not belong

[Professor X]

@ jnj - If one side in a marriage does not respect it, than a marriage becomes nothing more than a piece of paper not even worth what it's been written on.

And what do you even know? you're an idealist. You don't know jack about what's actually happening in the marriage, so you cannot come up and make assumptions about a situation you have no clue about.

Her H could be a cheater, could be an abusive person in whatever way - far from innocent.

Her kids could be mature enough to accept what has happened.

When that what happened in my case, her H was addicted to computer games and was unemployed and they were going bankrupt.

She eventually ended up leaving with some other guy, AFTER her H left her for someone else while they were both married yet their kids accepted it (both are fairly young) and we still happy and all, cause they knew that their parents were not happy together - and so, they grew in an unhappy family.

 

My point is, you have no idea, things aren't as black and white as you think.

And the fact that you haven't been in that situation before only suggests you shouldn't be so judgemental.

[Professor X]

My point was, if a marriage was meant to end, it will end, whether from his actions or inactions, and assuming not doing anything will benefit someone or calling it "a mans choice" is irrelevant.

 

And oh please, he nor I have capitalized on anyones weakness, the W did.

It's not like anyone here prayed and stalked after the W seeking weakness, get out of your movie.

Same as when an unmarried chick goes to a bar, gets drunk and has sex with someone.

It's not the guys fault nor is it the alcohols fault, it's the chicks fault.

 

"The weak minded will always find a reason to justify their actions" - Please, don't try to sound smart and come up with a quote.

[jnj express]

Far different outcomes when a single woman has sex---than when a married woman, with kids has sex, and is cheating

 

Whether you like it or not---there are some people out there who would not be the partner of a spouse attempting to cheat, then there are those including our OP who would aid a spouse attempting to cheat at the drop of a hat---otherwise known as homewrecking

 

It doesn't matter what is going on in the other persons mge---it is inappropriate to be a 3rp party in 2 other people's mge.

[Darren Steez]

This guy is just winding you all up, he's asking you what her feelings are, I think she made it pretty clear when she dumped his ass as soon as hubby came calling.

Go out and meet somebody instead of hunting for vulnerable woman on the internet, if you were such a knight in shining armor you'd be happy she's trying to work on her marriage...unless of course your reasons for "helping" her were entirely self centered and delusional and now you can't let go of the elaborate fantasy you constructed in your head which would have had her running off with you whilst leaving her kids and husband. A knight indeed.

[Professor X]

I haven't said single, I've said unmarried.

Marriage is valid only as long as the 2 sides in it value it, if one doesn't than its nothing more than a piece of paper.

I would love to say that marriage is like a contract, but with the divorce rate today it became more of a joke.

I'm in a 2yr RS now and my GF has been through some really rough stuff, to be honest, I don't think it will ever get harder than what she's been through.

And hey, guess what, we're not married, yet I stuck to her in her worse moments, while some married couples will cheat, leave, [-insert whatever bad action that comes to your mind here-] and even kill, for the dumbest reasons.

 

I'm sorry, but the way I see it, home is what you make it to be, not a label called Marriage or Family.

 

Again, what was meant to be, will be. The guy didn't "(home)wreck" anything.

People should be measured by their actions when they got other options, not when they don't.