Arenette Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I had been seeing my boyfriend for over 6 months. For most of the relationship he pursued me and wanted me to spend time with him. I am 14 years younger than him (24, he is 38) but we got on well and spend time together every day. I supported him though an accident and moving house. We were very close and as far I could see happy together. He spoke to me a few times about the future. He even asked me if I'd like children one day and asked me to move in with him, which I didn't as it was too soon. This was a few months ago and we continued to have a happy relationship. Then a few weeks go he went cold. Stopped wanting to see me as much. Then, he dumped me via text. It was really vague, "this isn't working for me anymore". And that was it. He wouldn't answer my calls or messages when I tried to get an explanation. I have no idea why he has done this. It seems a cruel way to treat someone who is so close to you and has treated him with such kindness. I don't know why it is. I have started to blame myself. I have been down because I lost my job in January and although I was initially hopeful to find a new one, I haven't and I've had 15 job interviews in 3 months and still no job. I feel maybe the fact I was down pushed him away - although we still had fun together and it wasn't like I was miserable all the time. The other thing I can think is maybe he used me for company. He used to live alone and that's when he wanted to see my so much. Since he moved into a room in his friend's apartment (male friend and he's not gay so nothing going on there) he hasn't wanted to see me as much until now he won't see me at all. I am heartbroken because I was in love. I had recently moved to a new city when I got together with him so it's hard to adjust to life there without him. I also miss him because I really did think he was wonderful. I just cannot understand why, after everything he can't give me an explanation or even talk to me. You'd think we had a big fall out or something but it was totally unprovoked. It is such a cruel way to treat someone that A) you know is down anyway and B) you had a special relationship with. He also has stuff of mine I'd like back but he won't reply to messages asking for it back either. How can I understand what happened if he won't explain what's happened?
Nick71 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I have a very similar 'mirror' story Arenette. I'm 12 years older than my ex fiancee, we planned of marraige this year. Then without good reason or explanation it is gone from me. 3 months later and I think I am slowly falling out of love with her but the unanswered questions I am asking are keeping me awake every night and in my head most of the day. I hope you get the answers you need but I am slowly accepting she does not respect me enough to give me the answers I have asked for and she really isn't the person I believed she was so it is not worth pursuing. I look forward to the day I have a clear head & heart over this. I know it is coming...
milkmaterial Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Same exact thing happened to me before.. it was weird because a week before it happened, the guy told me he was in love with me and wanted to marry. I never doubted him. Always saw him as someone who knew me ..and I saw him as someone I could trust It actually got to a point I was preparing myself to take care of him if he got sick from smoking too much..cause he does..to a very unfavorable extent. I still feel happy when I think about him. Anyway a month or 2 before we were gonna be on a trip..he just said that "i am bad at this ugh.." and then he said it wasnt working out. I really wanted a reason, but he said there is no reason..I just ended up blaming myself. I hated myself for what I was, my whole being. I didnt understand. I wish he gave me a reason, not because so I would rationalize and explain myself, but so I can "defend" myself. After this "defense" he doesnt have to take me back..I knew there was something but he just wouldnt tell me. Sad part really I looked up to this person..I wanted him to be a part of my life forever but whenever I tried to get close..he just seemed to change. He changed in a bad way and I felt that it was my fault..yet he wouldnt give me a reason. I felt like I was drowning every day and the one person who can save me, didnt. IT took me such a long time to survive, it was unbearable pain. I felt like I was a victim of those little boxes in Hellraiser movie. Like as if my insides were ripped up and turned inside out. I drowned myself in vodka ..I didnt consume anything for months ..unless i felt i really had to..i just had vodka. I got really ugly then..looked like a zombie. From crying too much and every day i developed an infection on my eyelash follicle and I looked even more horrible. At least my heart mirrored my physical being right? hehe. I did try to NC but i dont think it worked. We didnt talk for a while. Eventually my life sort of turned back to normal. I just had to count the days, and I prayed a lot. Im not religious, but im spiritual. I just needed to have faith that I could survive it, because the pain was very overwhelming. Mind you, I talked to a lot of men who courted me before... and they consoled me. I was surprised these people gave their time to me when I didnt even give them my time when they expressed interest on me..I found friends in strange places. When I tried to talk to the guy again, I was at my best behavior. I wasnt needy, I was just there. His attitude turned me off though. Little by little I grew stronger. A few weeks ago I stumbled on a discussion here in loveshack, about Grass Is Greener Syndrome. Basically, WutheringH explains that there is a reason why some men leave, and some men stay. Its too long to explain so I hope you read it Eventually, if you just try hard enough, you can and WILL move on. You need to believe in it and want it so much for it to happen. I am still hurt but I am in no way as messed up as I was before. I think I am a better person now though, whenever someone breaks my spirit..it sort of resets me. by the way here is the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3339371
Nick71 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Thanks Nana That's the first time I've inspired someone. Wow, maybe I'm making a little progress finally It doesn't feel like it though?
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