chelle21689 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 The break up I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years but 2 1/2 years long distance. Distance was never an issue for us. He joined the Army and I dealt with that for a year. One day he asked me to get on Skype and I did. I saw him cry hysterically and it scared the hell out of me because I've never seen him like this. He told me his feelings changed and that he felt like he didn't care about our relationship anymore. He said he would do anything to bring the feeling back but he can't and it was wrong to string me along. He said he didn't know why it felt so wrong to break up with me. I immediately went STRICT no contact and told him to leave me alone so I could heal...and that I would contact him when I'm ready. NC During NC I worked on myself which was hard. I started to go out and keep busy on weekends, I got a new haircut, I started seeing an adventurous new person and did so many exciting extreme things, I'm traveling to Asia, etc. I was happy dating this guy...I felt like I was really becoming close to him. We were taking things super slow and he didn't want to rush me because of my situation. I really thought I was over my ex and into this guy...Originally I wanted to date around but this guy was such a great catch. I was happy with him but unsure if our connection would ever be as strong as my ex and I's. Reconciliation? Right when I felt like I was growing closer to some guy, my ex some how "sensed" this and called me. He gave me the whole speech about it being a big mistake, him missing me, other girls are stupid, I'm it for him, how he took me for granted, etc. He said that he wish he would've worked things out and talked to me first rather than let me go. He said he wanted me but in order for us to be together and NOT BREAK UP something would have to change. He thinks the army stress and possibly the distance got to him and he didn't know how to deal. He said he would FIND out the real reason he felt that way that lead to the break up or he would find a way to cope differently. Then he started to cry when right then and there when he clicked on my page (through his friend's page cuz mine is private) and saw I was seeing someone. He told me he'd be there for me even though it hurted really badly. He said he guess it's the price he had to pay. He told me about getting back together BEFORE he saw the guy in the pics with me. He asked me the next day if I thought about trying to get back together again and I told him "Not right now..." because I was confused. I feel like the timing is all wrong...I'm growing as a person and he needs to grow too. It's been a week now...and I've been thinking. I miss my ex so much and I love him. I feel I'll always love him in some way, I've known him since I was 12 (10 yrs). I want so badly to get back together but I don't know if it's right. Sometimes you have to listen to your head and not your heart right? I want to be with him but I feel like the problem isn't fixed.
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 The problem likely isn't fixed yet. He said he would (FUTURE TENSE) try to figure out what drove him to this point and what was really bothering him. Has he given you a complete answer yet? And even if he comes up with an answer, will you believe it? Or did he just have feelings for someone else and decided to end it with you and then regretted it? If he's still in the army and still far away, I'd see no real point to getting back together right now. If he is scheduled to come home any time soon, maybe then you could talk. Also, you need to be honest with the new guy you're dating. If you still have feelings for your ex but you decide 100% that you don't want to go back there, then fine. If you're undecided and think it could go either way, don't end up hurting this new guy in the process. It sounds like you were honest with him about it in the first place since you said you guys took it slow because of your situation, but I get the feeling he probably isn't aware of the video chats you've been having with your ex. If you can't commit, then it's your turn to tell someone that you wish your feelings were different but you just can't do it right now, and let the new guy go.
Author chelle21689 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) I honestly felt my feelings grow for this guy. I am really into him and like him a lot... it's just I'm not in love with him. I feel like he is a good catch and a great guy. I guess all I had to do was vent. Me and my ex talked again and agreed that although we have feelings for each other we're just at different points in our lives and are moving on. So I guess I know what to do...I know in my heart I CAN'T go back. I want to but I just know I can't... I feel like I should give the new guy a chance. He made me so happy after my break up and I don't remember laughing so much. Maybe I'm just wanting the FAMILIAR? Scared of the new?? Who knows..Maybe my ex or the new guy isn't the one..maybe someone else is. I never meant to start seeing someone soon...it just happened. I just know I'm not committing unless I know I wanna give 100% to that person...wanting it to work. Not wishing I was else where. Me and this guy aren't committed yet. Hell, it's been 2 months and we haven't kissed yet. LOL after 1 month he finally held my hand. So I guess he's being smart about it too.... Me and my ex video chatted WHEN we broke up. not after.. Edited April 14, 2011 by chelle21689
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