whoknowswhattodo Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I had the girl of my dreams and we were engaged. We just celibrated are 9 month anniversy and she said she loved more then anyone in the world. two days later we were cuddled up in bed and she said she loved me so much. Then 2 days later she said she needed space and then she called her exboyfriend and talked to him on the phone I was paying for for 3 1/2 hours. I also noticed that she called him the next day 5 times and he called her twice. I saw it on the phone bill and asked her about it and she just said she was sorry she didnt want to hurt me. That she loves me just not the way she should love me and began crying. That she still had feelings for her ex. and me. She said she needs time. So whats going to happen? If she leaves me will she ever come back and how long will it be? She said that she told him not to text or call her out of respect for me, is she lying? What should I do? We broke up now because she needs space but she is not going to date him. is that a lie?
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Sorry that you're hurting. None of us can really answer all the questions you have. Not even she can right now if she's confused. One connection I made right away as I read this, if she was being so affectionate and telling you she loved you so much right before all this happened, she might have been trying to convince herself. She might have already made contact with her ex and had feelings for him, so she was trying to cover that up by telling you and telling herself that she's so in love. I don't know what will happen, and I don't know if she told the truth that she told him to leave her alone and that she won't date him. The only thing you have an answer to right now is "what does she want?". SPACE. Give it to her. Look at her ex, he's been out of the picture for a while, and suddenly she can't resist talking to him again. You can use that same tactic. Disappear, don't beg, don't call, and she'll wonder what's going on with you.
smudge21 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 How did she and the ex break up? If he dumped her, then just like so many of us on here, she may still have those feelings for him. She may be the dumpee who never got over her ex. I do agree with giving her space. She knows how much you love her (if not, tell her) so just step back and hopefully she'll see what it's like without you. If her ex was the dumper, then maybe she'll remember how he hurt her before.
zakfar Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm sorry for your situation. But dude, the reality is 'She still has feelings for her ex'. This is exactly what she told you. Some truths are painful, but we have to accept them. We have no option, and we can't change this. You can't force her to love you. It's just about the feelings. I don't know what's gonna happen. Whether she is confused, and deciding between you two guys, or she is actually trying to find out the way to leave you so that it would hurt you least, no one can say. I would highly recommend you to bring the strength in yourself. As no matter what happens, the next few steps would hurt you a bit. I hope you can go through with this situation with enough strength. Zakfar.
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I had the girl of my dreams and we were engaged. We just celibrated are 9 month anniversy and she said she loved more then anyone in the world. two days later we were cuddled up in bed and she said she loved me so much. Then 2 days later she said she needed space and then she called her exboyfriend and talked to him on the phone I was paying for for 3 1/2 hours. I also noticed that she called him the next day 5 times and he called her twice. I saw it on the phone bill and asked her about it and she just said she was sorry she didnt want to hurt me. That she loves me just not the way she should love me and began crying. That she still had feelings for her ex. and me. She said she needs time. So whats going to happen? If she leaves me will she ever come back and how long will it be? She said that she told him not to text or call her out of respect for me, is she lying? What should I do? We broke up now because she needs space but she is not going to date him. is that a lie? Will she be thinking about me anytime soon? she always said I was her other half, what is going to happen????
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 How did she and the ex break up? If he dumped her, then just like so many of us on here, she may still have those feelings for him. She may be the dumpee who never got over her ex. I do agree with giving her space. She knows how much you love her (if not, tell her) so just step back and hopefully she'll see what it's like without you. If her ex was the dumper, then maybe she'll remember how he hurt her before. I have told her that and she said I know this is what we have to do. Thats was before my post and she said she needed space. Idk this is driving me crazy. I miss her so much. I miss talking to her. We talked everynight for the last 9 months and now its like she is just walking away. What do I do?
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 1 thread is plenty, dude!! Right now you're desperate. But follow the advice above. don't ask unanswerable questions, just follow NC (read my signature, by Caliguy).
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) Sorry that you're hurting. None of us can really answer all the questions you have. Not even she can right now if she's confused. One connection I made right away as I read this, if she was being so affectionate and telling you she loved you so much right before all this happened, she might have been trying to convince herself. She might have already made contact with her ex and had feelings for him, so she was trying to cover that up by telling you and telling herself that she's so in love. I don't know what will happen, and I don't know if she told the truth that she told him to leave her alone and that she won't date him. The only thing you have an answer to right now is "what does she want?". SPACE. Give it to her. Look at her ex, he's been out of the picture for a while, and suddenly she can't resist talking to him again. You can use that same tactic. Disappear, don't beg, don't call, and she'll wonder what's going on with you. I got more bad news from a friend. That she added her ex on facebook and blocked me. Now he is going to take my place. So much for her not going to be in contact with either of us. Wtf I'm still left thinking is she ever going to call me. I'm so lost. NC is going to kill me. What do I do if she calls me to tell me she chooses the other guy. I know she has now that's my proof. Some good friends said it would probably be after they brooke up. I'm still saying how did this develop? Why did she loose feelings for me? How long does everyone think it will be? Will she call me? Will she think of me at some point and miss how we were together? Edited April 15, 2011 by whoknowswhattodo
poorguy Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Dude I'm sorry this is happening to you. She definatley still had feelings for her ex. How long were they broken up prior to you two getting together? That will determined alot. Also did you say you were engaged after 9 months of being together!?!?! Sometimes, well most times, relationships that move that quickly burn out just as fast. When you give someone all of you that fast sometimes after 6 months a year maybe a little while longer there is just nothing left to give and they fade
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Dude I'm sorry this is happening to you. She definatley still had feelings for her ex. How long were they broken up prior to you two getting together? That will determined alot. Also did you say you were engaged after 9 months of being together!?!?! Sometimes, well most times, relationships that move that quickly burn out just as fast. When you give someone all of you that fast sometimes after 6 months a year maybe a little while longer there is just nothing left to give and they fade They were appart for 2 months and she said she fell in love with me. Her and I were together for 9 months we were engaged for 6. Do you think she will think of me if they break up again? Also they were together for a year a 3 years ago broke up and then dated again but that time it lasted 5 months. What do you think is going to happen. Her and I made love many times do you think she will remember that? This is killing me, all these questions? Last week at this time she was with me and everything was great. Do you think she will change her mind? My main question is will she call me if they don't last and do you think they will?
Chi townD Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Sorry about your situation. Well, she blocked you but added him, why? Well, doesn't matter. She lied. She said she wasn't gonna contact either of you. You said she's using a phone your paying for, if you still are check the records online. I'm pretty sure you'll find that she lying again. There's might be a lot she's lying about dude.....
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Sorry about your situation. Well, she blocked you but added him, why? Well, doesn't matter. She lied. She said she wasn't gonna contact either of you. You said she's using a phone your paying for, if you still are check the records online. I'm pretty sure you'll find that she lying again. There's might be a lot she's lying about dude..... The not knowing is what is killing me. Should I have a member of my family contact her mom and ask what's going on?
poorguy Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 They were appart for 2 months and she said she fell in love with me. Her and I were together for 9 months we were engaged for 6. Do you think she will think of me if they break up again? Also they were together for a year a 3 years ago broke up and then dated again but that time it lasted 5 months. What do you think is going to happen. Her and I made love many times do you think she will remember that? This is killing me, all these questions? Last week at this time she was with me and everything was great. Do you think she will change her mind? My main question is will she call me if they don't last and do you think they will? Dude this is how the end always ends. She was'nt going to contact either of you??? Guess what-chicks LIE!!!!! They especially lie during a breakup (not the girls on LS but all the rest of them lol) Now as far as her remembering you goes? Of course she will. It's just when you two were together she was constantly comparing the two of you and for some reason he won. The only thing you can do now is post here and learn about patience and NC....You can do ZERO do bring her back but you can do all kinds of things to not bring her back So for now go off quietly into the night and let the sun set on this relationship...You deserve better
tyler123 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 you will get better one day at a time- do not beg for answers, shoot for progress not perfection- i did NC for 10 days then responded to a text- and i do not feel horrible or back at square one. be gentle on yourself; take a couple of days of healing and just let her contact you- SHE WILL if you seem like you don't care. We all care when we go NC - sure we are using it to heal, we get less emotional and more clarity. It can be confusing. I wrote notes with stickys on the back of my phone to remember the reality and not the fantasy- I AM A BREAD CRUMB TAKER- and i want to change this. i don't think today i am ready to eat bread crumbs and i know she is not capable of giving me the pie i deserve- sound familiar? Take it easy, work on breathing, and remember all you have is now? the unknown is not happening - what are your plans for the night/weekend? i booked myself with friends for both nights - it helps.
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 you will get better one day at a time- do not beg for answers, shoot for progress not perfection- i did NC for 10 days then responded to a text- and i do not feel horrible or back at square one. be gentle on yourself; take a couple of days of healing and just let her contact you- SHE WILL if you seem like you don't care. We all care when we go NC - sure we are using it to heal, we get less emotional and more clarity. It can be confusing. I wrote notes with stickys on the back of my phone to remember the reality and not the fantasy- I AM A BREAD CRUMB TAKER- and i want to change this. i don't think today i am ready to eat bread crumbs and i know she is not capable of giving me the pie i deserve- sound familiar? Take it easy, work on breathing, and remember all you have is now? the unknown is not happening - what are your plans for the night/weekend? i booked myself with friends for both nights - it helps. Tomorrow I'm going with some friends and were going to Hooters, she always told me she didn't want me going to eat there or winghouse. She said I didn't care when we first started dating but now I love you and don't want you going there. Will you do that for me ? I would always say, I won't go to those places for you. And she would make me promise I wouldn't. What do you think her reaction would be? Will that make her say, "I'm glad I'm not with him now." What do you think?
Chi townD Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Dude, she blocked you from FB but friended her Ex. Do you really thinks she cares? You made promises to her, BUT she made promises to you and she broke them, all bets are off! Dude! Go to Hooters! They have great wings! And the last time I checked, Hooter girls don't strip or do lap dances.... Have fun with your friends! They want to help you, so let them!
The_411 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 This is a lesson for you. a) Judge a woman on what she does not what she says. b) your neediness and desparation are off the charts - for example you talked to her every night for 9 months and got engaged after 3 months. You basically set up your own demise. c) She was in a long relationship took a break and met you- you are the rebound guy This girl left you because you smothered her. She may come back but only in times of desparation or to have you think you have a shot when you have none. Block her on facebook, delete all of her numbers, e-mail etc. You then need to sit down and ask yourself why did I get engaged after 3 months. you also need to ask yourself why you talked to her every night for 9 months. Women want mystery intrigue they start looking around or get bored when you are too predictable, too nice. She basically fell out of love with you becuase you're boring and you don't create sexual tension or energy for her. Not to mention her ex was always in the back of her mind. Clearly she needed to experience a different relationship to realize that you weren't what she wanted and that what she had with her ex was pretty good or at least good enough for her to return back to temporarily. Chances are she's just using both of you until she finds some other guy who gets her aroused. People may think I'm harsh but guess what if you don't wake up to some certain realities you will keep having the same crap happen to you. I know as I used to be that needy guy who would lose girls and pine over them and ruminate over scenarios etc. You need to have your friends slap you around a bit give you a reality call and get moving to something new. The more time you mope the more time is wasted from meeting someone else better for you. Also, stop this nonsense with her being your dream girl. No woman should be a dream girl. She's a woman you liked. You're putting her on a massive pedestal and as a result she feels uncomfortable and you look like a supplicant rather than a man. This is part of growing up matureing and udnerstanding how things work rather than the hollywood ending bullcrap that is forced fed as some sort of reality.
PelicanPete Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Block her on facebook, delete all of her numbers, e-mail etc. You then need to sit down and ask yourself why did I get engaged after 3 months. you also need to ask yourself why you talked to her every night for 9 months. Women want mystery intrigue they start looking around or get bored when you are too predictable, too nice. She basically fell out of love with you becuase you're boring and you don't create sexual tension or energy for her... ..Chances are she's just using both of you until she finds some other guy who gets her aroused. I don't agree with this entirely, but on some aspects he's right. Generally getting engaged after 3 months isn't exactly the best idea. You're still getting to know each other, there is still all this mystery and unknown about the person in 3 months. Engagement is for people that really know each other and love each other. If you start treating a 9 month old relationship like a 5 year relationship, its a gamble and almost guaranteed to fail. If it doesn't, then I would be very skeptical and concerned. This is typical emotionally driven behavior your ex is displaying though. Her ex is the flavor of the month, and he might have always been sadly. Please don't take her back if she ever comes crawling back, if she has the potential to do this imagine what else she's capable of. Go out with your friends to hooters! They'll help you through it a lot better than we could on a forum.
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 I don't agree with this entirely, but on some aspects he's right. Generally getting engaged after 3 months isn't exactly the best idea. You're still getting to know each other, there is still all this mystery and unknown about the person in 3 months. Engagement is for people that really know each other and love each other. If you start treating a 9 month old relationship like a 5 year relationship, its a gamble and almost guaranteed to fail. If it doesn't, then I would be very skeptical and concerned. This is typical emotionally driven behavior your ex is displaying though. Her ex is the flavor of the month, and he might have always been sadly. Please don't take her back if she ever comes crawling back, if she has the potential to do this imagine what else she's capable of. Go out with your friends to hooters! They'll help you through it a lot better than we could on a forum. If she ever comes back. I would take her back. Fool me once shame on you, fool twice shame on me. There is not a third chance though. I would love to get back together with her and yes, I would take it a lot slower. I wouldn't get engaged for at least a 2 years. That's what I want but now its nc and I'm getting better. What is the sucess of nc? What's it sound like to all of you my chances in the future will be? I would deffenetly not be as needy and take it slow.
PelicanPete Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 If you really want her back, make her miss you. Only way to do that is disappear from her life completely. Block her on everything and don't fall for small talk. No contact. Only respond to her if its something you HAVE to, or if shes specifically saying she wants to get back together. Let her realize what she's missing. NC isn't about trying to win her back though, its about dealing with the emotions you're feeling and getting over her. There is a chance she can come back when you cut all the lines of communications, because right now she's probably treating you like a safety net. Don't hang and wait for her to come back to you though, start looking for other ways to make you happy and really take a plunge in your own identity and desires and see what you find. Most people after going NC realize they don't want to be with their ex when they come back. She really isn't worth it though buddy, I know it feels like you have all the answers to fix your relationship with her but relationships take two to tango, and it looks like she wants a different dance partner. Don't settle for being her second pick, because I'm sure there are tons of girls out there that would have you as a first pick.
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 I know what your saying but like all of you have said I think I scared her because she's young she's 20. I'm older then her and everytime we had a fight it was over commitment stuff, like buying a house. Hell she told me to buy a house closer to her so I was then she told me this bull****. This is day 3 of nc and I'm still feeling like ****. No matter what I do run, bike ride, and cook. It always reminds me of her. I know I sound like a pussy, that's why I'm on here. I've always been the nice guy and I can see how that has hurt me. I haven't ate, I can't sleep and the thought of her being with him having fun somewhere. Idk I've have never done nc in the past and all of those relationships failed but all of those never hurt me. I wasn't boreing either we would always go and do things when we could. Maybe she did get bored? I'm tryimg not to think about them together. I'm hopeimg this nc will turn her back to me. A friend he said it would.
PelicanPete Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Yea I know it sucks buddy. Don't think of yourself as a pussy, infact you're quite the opposite. Asking questions, looking to change, and dealing with your emotional problems is much more brave than bottling them up and trying to forget about them. Keep that in mind. I know its bad now, but trust me it will get better. Just have to take it one day at a time. In the mean time give yourself some space from her, you will definitely hear from her in the future believe me so don't worry about that. Analyze the entire relationship, what she did wrong, what you did wrong, be honest with yourself but don't beat yourself up over it. Learning and becoming aware is a lot better than choosing to be ignorant. Write it down in a journal or post on here and get some opinions, self reflection is very good for you. Hey your emotions are all over the place right now. You'll be over her one day, and thinking about going to her doorstep and begging her back the next. If you feel like you're going to make a big decision regarding the relationship, please post it on here and get some advice before following through. Most of us on here have been in your situation, and it can be really hard to make logical and good decisions when your head is clouded with emotions. Just start NC and follow through with it. You can do it! We're all supporting you.
Author whoknowswhattodo Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Yea I know it sucks buddy. Don't think of yourself as a pussy, infact you're quite the opposite. Asking questions, looking to change, and dealing with your emotional problems is much more brave than bottling them up and trying to forget about them. Keep that in mind. I know its bad now, but trust me it will get better. Just have to take it one day at a time. In the mean time give yourself some space from her, you will definitely hear from her in the future believe me so don't worry about that. Analyze the entire relationship, what she did wrong, what you did wrong, be honest with yourself but don't beat yourself up over it. Learning and becoming aware is a lot better than choosing to be ignorant. Write it down in a journal or post on here and get some opinions, self reflection is very good for you. Hey your emotions are all over the place right now. You'll be over her one day, and thinking about going to her doorstep and begging her back the next. If you feel like you're going to make a big decision regarding the relationship, please post it on here and get some advice before following through. Most of us on here have been in your situation, and it can be really hard to make logical and good decisions when your head is clouded with emotions. Just start NC and follow through with it. You can do it! We're all supporting you. Well I'm trying to stay busy. Now its day 4 nc and I'm thinking if she ever does call will she want to get back together. I'm holding on to hope that she really does love me. All of this just came out of knowhere. Will she ever miss me holding her? Kissing her? Being with her?
Fufu Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 The truth is no body knows. Don't wait around for her, move on and forward.
nana841121 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 You are the roboundee, she doesn't deserve you Get over her
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