PinkChic Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Hi everyone, I am fairly new to this board... here is my "story" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t273316/, if your reading it for the first time I would recommend scrolling towards the bottom as I have paragraphed it to make it easier to read... Well, since I wrote that we have continued NC... I can truly tell you I have never experienced such pain in my life before. The weekend before we broke up we spent the weekend at a spa and had the BEST time... we talked about how much fun we had for days after... Because I am really hiding my feelings well and putting on a very decieving front, my best friend sent him an email to let him know my phone number was being changed for work (which is also my personal #)... this was the response she got: "I really appreciate the thought, but I honestly don't think I will need her new number. I know she thinks I just gave up too easily and never tried, but truth is I could have ended it a week earlier but gave it another shot. I just wasn't feeling the "sparks" she's always talking about. I don't blame her entirely, as a matter of fact I can easily say I am mostly to blame. I have heard that a mutual friend of ours has been telling her that I have been talking smack behind her back. That's so much bull I can't begin to explain. I simply have told people I wasn't happy anymore, and that's it. I do wish her the best but I have moved on and I hope she can do the same. She deserves so much better than me. She is lucky to have you as well. Amanda always said good things about you. I don't blame you for how you responded to me. I was just as upset as you. I hope everything works out for you, and you always know when to contact ne (here). " I do not understand how a person just wakes up and decides they no longer want to be with a person they CONSTANTLY tell they love, care about, want to be with, etc. I can not stress to you folks how smooth and perfect our relationship really was. I feel so ridiculous as I have never felt this heartbroken over a relationship... I am a very strong person, very independent and I just do not have it together... At work today I was doing my work.. not even thinking about him and tears just came rolling down my face out of nowhere.. I truly truly with all my heart that he is the person I was put on this eart to be with, and I know you all hear that probably a billion times a day but I truly felt that and when he is angry he is VERY mean.. I feel like from that message, it shows that he is still very angry. Why, you ask? I have not one clue. I have not one clue why our perfect relationship is over. I am so heartbroken... soooo sorry for the ramble.. I just can't sleep and I am so disappointed in myself that I can be feeling/acting like this. THIS IS NOT ME! Thank you so much for you input.
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I don't have a lot of input unfortunately. We don't know if he typed that response to your best friend assuming that you would find out what it said, or if he was candidly speaking about the situation, in which case he was probably being really honest. To some extent, if he knows she's your best friend, he probably composed that response knowing that your eyes would see it some day. I don't see a lot of hope there, and I'm sorry you're hurting. For someone to say they don't even think they need your new phone number and that they hope you can move on.... it's over. Nobody can really answer the painful questions that you have. How does someone wake up one day and fall out of love? Usually, they don't. It's a process. They do fight with it. They might even act MORE loving towards you to try to convince themselves that they're still happy. You guys went to a spa and had a great weekend, maybe he was trying to convince himself that he was happy in this when deep down he wasn't feeling the sparks. Like he wrote, he could have ended it a week sooner, but he kept trying. I'm sorry you're in pain. Most of us are. Every situation is personal and different, and all I know about yours is the couple of paragraphs you've typed, but this one definitely sounds done.
dragonfly22 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I get you PinkChic, as I'm going through the same thing and have the exact same questions. In my case I was with my bf for 5 years and we have gone through so much that I can't understand why now, out of the blue he decided that he is not sure about his feelings for me. This at a time where I'm still completely head over heels about him and was planning to spend the rest of my life with him. I have also considered myself a strong and independent woman all of my life but this is taking all of my strenght and feeling of independece right now. Instead of holding my head high and moving on I just want to crawl back into his arms. I'm sorry that I'm not of much help. I've been through break ups before but never felt so lost and sad. All I can do is think that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. :-( However deep inside I know how strong I am, and I know somehow I will get out of this. As hard as it is we need to love ourselved more than ever now and pull ourselves through. In the meantime hang in there...everyone says only time makes it better...
smudge21 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 2 years ago I was the dumper and so may be able to offer some info here. For me, I can understand the whole 'spark has gone' thing. I was with my then ex for nearly 2 years and our relationship, even though strong, had become dull to me. It's kind of hard to explain, I mean we still did loads of things, went places etc, but it just seemed like it was more of a chore at times. We did try different things to spice it all up but I think as soon as those feelings come on, it's very hard to shake them or get past them. I stayed with her for a good while as I never wanted to hurt her, but eventually realised that I was actually lying to both her and myself. I had to end it. She too thought it was sudden, but to me it wasn't. The feeling like it was coming to an end was there for a long time for me. I've read many times on here that when you get dumped, the dumper has already moved on emotionally a long time before the event occurs. That's how they're able to get on with their lives whereas the dumpee cannot. I never intended to hurt my ex in any way. And I'm pretty sure most dumpers don't either, but it's either they come out and be honest, thus ending the relationship, of they continue to live a lie. My situation is different now as I'm now the dumpee (what goes around comes around I guess), so like you, I have the same questions but I presume for my current ex it's very much the same as it was for me.
zakfar Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm sorry for the condition you're going through. I tell you a little story. It's real, but I can't tell you all the details (it's complicated and sensitive as well.) There was a couple. They were both madly in love with each other, and I knew both of them very closely. The situation turned bad, not because of their personal problems, but they belonged to different cultures (and belonged to different countries, but met in another), and the problems occurred are little complicate to explain. In the end, the man decided to end the relationship, however, the girl was practically ready to 'Die' to get him. He tried to explain her. She did not understand. Not for once, or twice, but she tried serious attempts to commit suicide on four occasions. It's just luck that she was saved from each attempt. In the end, they were 'Forced' to separate. They were both sent back to their homelands, so that nothing bad happens to anyone of them. I know this is a sad love story. But it all happened some 10 years ago. Some 7 years ago (3 years after the separation), I met the guy. He was happy and had found someone. I felt bad for him, as I believed that the girl really loved him. One year passed, and I talked to the girl. It was just a shock for me to learn that she was pregnant with a baby of someone. During those 4 years, she had been with two other guys. Surprising? This is what's life. There is more for me to believe in 'Mutual Understanding' to create perfection in a relationship, rather than 'Love'. Try to hold your emotions, and look the best for you. I hope it helps. Zakfar.
Author PinkChic Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Thank you all SO SO SO much for the replies... It's so nice to be able to read everyone's view points. I would love to agree with you smudge21, however I truthfully don't think it became boring to him... He was constantly telling people he had never been happier. In my heart, I truthfully believe, being his first serious relationship he got scared of his feelings and and the issues of the break up having nothing to do with me but with him. There is a lot to be said for a 26 year old guy who has never had a long term relationship and has never dated a girl before. His personality is very "to himself", however with me he was very open... I believe a lot of the situation has to do with being scared of the feelings he had... Moving on is beyond hard for me,... but like everyone else here... We all know we have to do it as hard as it is...
Jerrica Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 just wanted to add my two cents........ I hate seeing people break up because they don't feel the "sparks" anymore. I don't think it is possible to feel sparks ALL the time, for me they come and they go. They are usually more apparent during the honeymoon phase which typically lasts 1-2 years. Then people mistake not feeling sparks with not being happy, or having no feelings. I mean, you really think if your married for years and years you're going to feel sparks and happy ALL the time?! not possible. There may be months were you might not feel anything. We all get annoyed with our SO, we may lose our loving feelings for awhile, we may not feel sparks and we may go through tough times. Relationships aren't happy all the time, so to expect that and sparks all the time is unreasonable.
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