Author memento1985 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 Don't beat yourself up over this. Do remember that no one is trying to be harsh or jugemental when we tell you not to sleep with someone so early- because doing so can be the difference between being gf material and being a sexual object. If you're aggressive that early on, you're giving the wrong impression, believe me. A guy will like a sexually aggressive girl intially, but he'll never see her as gf material. As soon as you allowed the convo after your first date to go to sexually suggestive texts, you changed your dynamic. He began to see you as someone he could fu^k instead of someone he could spend his life with. Thanks...I wanted to hear everything that was said here. I appreciate all the advice and next time I will be more careful.
Author memento1985 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 This is my thinking too. He could be maintaining contact as to not appear jerky, but enough to keep you interested. He got the cookies, so he doesn't have a very keen interest in seeing you, as he did before. He'd want to see you again afterwards, not just keep "in contact" with you. Que Sera Sera! Yeah...I know for a fact he is not that busy when he can be checking FB and his dating site page. It was in fact a polite brush off...that much I figured out. Which is fine...there is something out there better for me. But if in the event he does contact me again; no booty calls...I am better than that.
D-Lish Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Yeah...I know for a fact he is not that busy when he can be checking FB and his dating site page. It was in fact a polite brush off...that much I figured out. Which is fine...there is something out there better for me. But if in the event he does contact me again; no booty calls...I am better than that. Good girl! Keep teeling yourself that. You might even want to delete him from FB so you aren't tempted to see what he is doing. Just wipe the slate clean and move forward.!
Eddie Edirol Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 The texts are likely just a polite brush off because he does not want to feel like the bad guy. He may also figure it is in his best interest to not totally burn that bridge lest he want sex again. You give it up easy once, and they assume that will be an encore. Thats a woman thing, women dont want to feel like the bad guy. Guys dont feel like the bad guy, especially when he got what he wanted. He just gave you the text to not burn the bridge. He may not want to LOOK like the bad guy to the woman, but he already knows hes bieng a bad guy, and its only a matter of time before a woman wisens up to that. Im just so surprised that so many women dont know how to take a hint. His text was the most blatant "dont call me Ill call you" convo that ive ever seen.
D-Lish Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Thats a woman thing, women dont want to feel like the bad guy. Guys dont feel like the bad guy, especially when he got what he wanted. He just gave you the text to not burn the bridge. He may not want to LOOK like the bad guy to the woman, but he already knows hes bieng a bad guy, and its only a matter of time before a woman wisens up to that. Im just so surprised that so many women dont know how to take a hint. His text was the most blatant "dont call me Ill call you" convo that ive ever seen. Well I suspect that the OP is young, and she is listening to what people are telling her- which is a good start. It's through situations like these that people actually have the opportunity to develop wisdom. You live, learn, and hopefully use these life experiences to operate differently next time. If she can collect some wisdom from this experience, she's on the right track.
Author memento1985 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Thats a woman thing, women dont want to feel like the bad guy. Guys dont feel like the bad guy, especially when he got what he wanted. He just gave you the text to not burn the bridge. He may not want to LOOK like the bad guy to the woman, but he already knows hes bieng a bad guy, and its only a matter of time before a woman wisens up to that. Im just so surprised that so many women dont know how to take a hint. His text was the most blatant "dont call me Ill call you" convo that ive ever seen. To be honest I knew after we had sex that he would give me the brush off text. That's why I wanted to wait; but we had had such a nice time and it just seemed so sweet. I only texted him afterwards just to see if he would even respond...and of course he did with exactly what I thought. But if he thinks that he can text me again and get more sex he's going to be mistaken because I will be too busy.
Author memento1985 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Well I suspect that the OP is young, and she is listening to what people are telling her- which is a good start. It's through situations like these that people actually have the opportunity to develop wisdom. You live, learn, and hopefully use these life experiences to operate differently next time. If she can collect some wisdom from this experience, she's on the right track. I seriously take all the advice given; that's why I am here is to seek out people who have been there and can help. I still feel bad though because it didn't seem like it would just end like this simply because we had been getting to know each other so well a lot of nice e-mails, conversations etc...he didn't seem like the type. But in the end I guess he was...
D-Lish Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 I seriously take all the advice given; that's why I am here is to seek out people who have been there and can help. I still feel bad though because it didn't seem like it would just end like this simply because we had been getting to know each other so well a lot of nice e-mails, conversations etc...he didn't seem like the type. But in the end I guess he was... Like I said, don't beat yourself up. You never really know someone until you spend a lot time with them. It may have been the sex too soon that turned him cold, or he couldn't have been just after sex in the first place. That's why it's good to get to know someone first before giving into the sex!
Survivor12 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Don't beat yourself up over this. Do remember that no one is trying to be harsh or jugemental when we tell you not to sleep with someone so early- because doing so can be the difference between being gf material and being a sexual object. If you're aggressive that early on, you're giving the wrong impression, believe me. A guy will like a sexually aggressive girl intially, but he'll never see her as gf material. As soon as you allowed the convo after your first date to go to sexually suggestive texts, you changed your dynamic. He began to see you as someone he could fu^k instead of someone he could spend his life with. I agree 100%...PLUS your response to his "morning after" text, "So we met again at his place and had a really nice date and of course it ended with some really good sex. I went home got a text from him the next day saying he had a great time. I texted him back and told him we should do it again if he wanted to and he said for sure" makes it sound as though you were making yourself available for sex whenever HE wanted it. Of course, hindsight doesn't change things, but perhaps it would have helped if you'd said something along the lines of, "I had a great time, too, and would enjoy going out with you again" to make it known that you wanted more than just being an easy booty call. But, hey, we all make mistakes and the lessons you learn from them can serve you well in the future.
Author memento1985 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 Like I said, don't beat yourself up. You never really know someone until you spend a lot time with them. It may have been the sex too soon that turned him cold, or he couldn't have been just after sex in the first place. That's why it's good to get to know someone first before giving into the sex! Agreed. What's funny is it just felt so much different though; I met a guy almost the same way long before I moved to CA and we had sex on the second date and we knew less about each other than with this guy and we were in a good relationship for almost 9 years. I guess it just really depends on the person too, not everyone is the same. But when I think about a lot of what this guy said to me over the course of 2 dates and a weeks worth of phone calls and e-mails he did make sure to mention that his work came first and that he liked living alone. He also seemed to complain a lot so maybe it was for the best. I believe that everything happens for a reason and makes you a better person the next time.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 But when I think about a lot of what this guy said to me over the course of 2 dates and a weeks worth of phone calls and e-mails he did make sure to mention that his work came first and that he liked living alone. He also seemed to complain a lot so maybe it was for the best. I believe that everything happens for a reason and makes you a better person the next time. You already noticed this stuff, but you let them slide. All you have to do is make sure you think catch this stuff alot earlier.
Author memento1985 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 I agree 100%...PLUS your response to his "morning after" text, "So we met again at his place and had a really nice date and of course it ended with some really good sex. I went home got a text from him the next day saying he had a great time. I texted him back and told him we should do it again if he wanted to and he said for sure" makes it sound as though you were making yourself available for sex whenever HE wanted it. Of course, hindsight doesn't change things, but perhaps it would have helped if you'd said something along the lines of, "I had a great time, too, and would enjoy going out with you again" to make it known that you wanted more than just being an easy booty call. But, hey, we all make mistakes and the lessons you learn from them can serve you well in the future. Thank you for your post. Your insight is greatly appreciated
Author memento1985 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 You already noticed this stuff, but you let them slide. All you have to do is make sure you think catch this stuff alot earlier. Yes your right. Next time I will catch what's being said a lot more quickly; instead of giving into my feelings of attraction.
Crazy Magnet Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 The biggest and hardest lesson I have learned is to have the exclusivity talk BEFORE I take my clothes off. Any man worth my time is going to be ok with that. It seems like most of the guys who wanted to take me out on match thought emails built enough report between us to justify some kind of sex after a date. Man, were they ever in for a surprise! Not this girl!
Author memento1985 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 The biggest and hardest lesson I have learned is to have the exclusivity talk BEFORE I take my clothes off. Any man worth my time is going to be ok with that. It seems like most of the guys who wanted to take me out on match thought emails built enough report between us to justify some kind of sex after a date. Man, were they ever in for a surprise! Not this girl! You are a hundred and ten percent right....any guy worth it will be okay with that. I met this guy on a dating site called Mingle2. Yeah I should have been more careful; I just found myself overwhelmed with desire for something new and I gave in too quickly. We went out on a nice second date, he took me to the movies and we went back to his place having a glass of wine and watching another movie. I should have just left before it got too heated....but it just felt really right. He started it but I should have stopped it....even though he told me he was the shy type....sure whatever.
Author memento1985 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Posted April 18, 2011 So I wanted to get some more feedback. So this past Saturday I recieved texts from this guy, yeah saying he wanted to say hi and see how I was and that he wished he could see me but he had a "full plate" going on and that he wanted to reach out earlier. I don't know what to think about all that? Is it sincerity or just BS? Was he just sending me a text because he was trying to be nice about saying he would text me back? Should I respond? I really want too; but I want some input first...before I decide.
Back Burner Gal Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 What do you have to lose by telling him the truth. "I'm surprised to hear from you. When you didn't contact me after we had sex last time, I figured you got what you wanted and were brushing me off. You said you were busy, but no one is too busy for a text or two with someone they had sex with--unless they are just using. So what's up?" Ask HIM, he has the answers. Maybe he'll come up with an acceptable response (altho I can't imagine how). Or maybe you'll never hear from him again ever. Or maybe he'll try to BS you. Whichever it is, what do you have to lose? Why not hold him accountable for his behavior? You are interested in knowing, so...ask! I think Sat was just a booty call quest.
lolo1234 Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 What do you have to lose by telling him the truth. "I'm surprised to hear from you. When you didn't contact me after we had sex last time, I figured you got what you wanted and were brushing me off. You said you were busy, but no one is too busy for a text or two with someone they had sex with--unless they are just using. So what's up?" Ask HIM, he has the answers. Maybe he'll come up with an acceptable response (altho I can't imagine how). Or maybe you'll never hear from him again ever. Or maybe he'll try to BS you. Whichever it is, what do you have to lose? Why not hold him accountable for his behavior? You are interested in knowing, so...ask! I think Sat was just a booty call quest. I like this idea. It would put him on the spot. Also I think it would let him know that you're not willing to have no strings attached sex again and he will likely just stop texting you. I think the whole point of him texting you now is because he wants to keep the communcation open in case he gets the urge to get laid again. Don't feel bad about it, I made lots of mistakes like this when I was younger. You live, you learn.
Author memento1985 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 What do you have to lose by telling him the truth. "I'm surprised to hear from you. When you didn't contact me after we had sex last time, I figured you got what you wanted and were brushing me off. You said you were busy, but no one is too busy for a text or two with someone they had sex with--unless they are just using. So what's up?" Ask HIM, he has the answers. Maybe he'll come up with an acceptable response (altho I can't imagine how). Or maybe you'll never hear from him again ever. Or maybe he'll try to BS you. Whichever it is, what do you have to lose? Why not hold him accountable for his behavior? You are interested in knowing, so...ask! I think Sat was just a booty call quest. Well I decided to be nice and play like I didn't even notice he hadn't bothered to text me. I actually thought it was because he wanted me to come over but he didn't. He told me that he wished he could but couldn't. Never mentioning when he would want to again...typical. Then he texted me again last night and we talked for a couple hours via texting. I really don't understand what's going on with this guy I mean is he interested or is he just trying to be nice. But why would he keep this up if he was just trying to be nice? he could just never text or call me again. I know he's still on his dating site...frequently. So why bother with me? He's not making anymore effort to see me but he's still texting. Ugh...I will never understand guys.
Author memento1985 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 I like this idea. It would put him on the spot. Also I think it would let him know that you're not willing to have no strings attached sex again and he will likely just stop texting you. I think the whole point of him texting you now is because he wants to keep the communcation open in case he gets the urge to get laid again. Don't feel bad about it, I made lots of mistakes like this when I was younger. You live, you learn. I know in reality it's probably just all in the event he might want to have sex with me again. You are right I should have just asked him; but he coughed up an explanation before I had time to. I don't know what anything is anymore...now I know why I don't normally date.
Recommended Posts