memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I need some advice. I am sure many of you go through this; but I just want some feedback (from men and women). Okay so here it goes: I met this guy through a dating site. We hit it off exchanged e-mails, talked on the phone etc. Seemed like we really hit it off so we decided to meet. We met for drinks; had a very nice time. Seemed like there was an amount of chemistry...or so I thought. After that night we exchanged some rather steamy texts (not sexting but steamy) for the next week or so we talked (phone, e-mail etc) and decided to hang out again. So we met again at his place and had a really nice date and of course it ended with some really good sex. I went home got a text from him the next day saying he had a great time. I texted him back and told him we should do it again if he wanted to and he said for sure, so a couple days went by and I heard nothing, not a peep. So I decided to text him instead to see if he would even respond. He did and told me he was busy but that he would text me back later. He texted me the next morning telling me he had a bunch of (which sounded legit) crap going on but that he would drop me a note soon. With smiley faces etc. I texted him back wishing him everything get better and that he could text me anytime. So people what do you think? Do you think it's a polite brush off or do you think it's sincere? Please share your thoughts with me...right now it's driving me crazy! I just want to know before I continue investing my time with it.
veggirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 How long ago was the last text from him? Don't initiate anything right now. You have made your interest clear, he knows you are receptive to him texting you. Let him come to you now. Your work is done for the moment. You will get your answers with a bit of patience I'd say he needs to contact you/set something up w/in 5 days of the "will drop you a note soon" text.
bac Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 He is looking for a FWBs. It means he wants only sex with no emotional/intellectual connection. He wants to have a list of FWBs to call them sometimes when he needs some sex. If you are not into FWBs(needy for emotional connection), he will drop you. If you are OK with FWBs, he will probably have sex with you sometimes.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 How long ago was the last text from him? Don't initiate anything right now. You have made your interest clear, he knows you are receptive to him texting you. Let him come to you now. Your work is done for the moment. You will get your answers with a bit of patience I'd say he needs to contact you/set something up w/in 5 days of the "will drop you a note soon" text. The last text from him was this morning. I texted him last night. I am not going to send anything more at this point. Yeah I am guessing if I don't hear anything within a week I am not going to.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 He is looking for a FWBs. It means he wants only sex with no emotional/intellectual connection. He wants to have a list of FWBs to call them sometimes when he needs some sex. If you are not into FWBs(needy for emotional connection), he will drop you. If you are OK with FWBs, he will probably have sex with you sometimes. Well that's what confuses me. They say that want dating and relationships. Why can't they just be honest?
veggirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 He could be juggling a few girls, you may be one on the back burner. Or he could legitimately be busy. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, OP. Give him one week to contact you. If he doesn't, ignore future attempts to contact you and just go onto the next...
bac Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Well that's what confuses me. They say that want dating and relationships. Why can't they just be honest? They can not say it because it is an unpleasant thing to say. Also, they will never get laid if they are going to be so truthfull:) They expect girls to be mature and intelligent enough to know the truth. It is called "white lies" and people say white lies all the time.
bac Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 He could be juggling a few girls, you may be one on the back burner. Or he could legitimately be busy. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, OP. Give him one week to contact you. If he doesn't, ignore future attempts to contact you and just go onto the next... IMO he can not be legitimately busy. If he cared for her, he would find some time to let her know about it. He would be so happy and excited and he could not wait to see her again.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 He could be juggling a few girls, you may be one on the back burner. Or he could legitimately be busy. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, OP. Give him one week to contact you. If he doesn't, ignore future attempts to contact you and just go onto the next... Thanks veggirl. I think at this point I am just done. I went back to that same dating site and of course he's still active on there. I am so not in the mood to be played; if what a guy wants is sex then that's what he should say. I know it's not a nice thing to come out and say but I would rather hear that than be played. I think I am just going to leave it alone; if I had not texted him he would have never gotten back to me. So if for some reason he does; I will be "BUSY" like he claims to be.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 They can not say it because it is an unpleasant thing to say. Also, they will never get laid if they are going to be so truthfull:) They expect girls to be mature and intelligent enough to know the truth. It is called "white lies" and people say white lies all the time. Agreed; but I would rather hear that then a bunchof BS. I am straight up as to what I want and I expect the same. If a guy wants casual sex and so do I -fine let's do it. But don't make me think you want something and then just back off. That's not cool... Also too yeah I agree if he was too busy to contact me; he wouldn't have time to be visiting dating sites still. I am so over it... Thanks for the feedback.
Nexus One Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 He can genuinely be busy. Either school or work perhaps. Tests and turn-papers don't wait and money doesn't sleep.
daphne Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 1) You slept with him entirely too soon. 2) You pursued him afterwards. 3) He is losing interest. Even if he had been super interested in you before, I suspect that any chance for a potentially serious relationship just went out the window when you decided to act like a guy and pursue him. You should not jump into bed with a guy so soon. Get to know him and qualify him. Or accept that most likely it will be a fling and not leading towards a relationship.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 1) You slept with him entirely too soon. 2) You pursued him afterwards. 3) He is losing interest. Even if he had been super interested in you before, I suspect that any chance for a potentially serious relationship just went out the window when you decided to act like a guy and pursue him. You should not jump into bed with a guy so soon. Get to know him and qualify him. Or accept that most likely it will be a fling and not leading towards a relationship. Well actually I didn't want to have sex that soon but it just kind of happened. We both had been talking about it and flirting with the idea; so I knew it was coming. Well I had been trying to get to know him 2 hour phone convos...e-mailing which went on for about a month or so. The problem is I put myself in situations where I know something will happen and then when it does I try to fix it so it will keep going and it doesn't. I am pretty much over it, if he contacts me again great if not then it was fun.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 He can genuinely be busy. Either school or work perhaps. Tests and turn-papers don't wait and money doesn't sleep. Well he told me that he was in the middle of getting a new car purchase squared away and that he lost his wallet and stole money on his credit cards and had a field day with it. So IDK...
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 1) You slept with him entirely too soon. 2) You pursued him afterwards. 3) He is losing interest. Even if he had been super interested in you before, I suspect that any chance for a potentially serious relationship just went out the window when you decided to act like a guy and pursue him. You should not jump into bed with a guy so soon. Get to know him and qualify him. Or accept that most likely it will be a fling and not leading towards a relationship. I agree with everything Daphne has said. It's often prudent to wait before stepping into the sex too soon.
Irishlove Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Well actually I didn't want to have sex that soon but it just kind of happened. We both had been talking about it and flirting with the idea; so I knew it was coming. Well I had been trying to get to know him 2 hour phone convos...e-mailing which went on for about a month or so. The problem is I put myself in situations where I know something will happen and then when it does I try to fix it so it will keep going and it doesn't. I am pretty much over it, if he contacts me again great if not then it was fun. Don't sleep with them too soon. The next time a guy tries that with you ask yourself "is this man worth dying for?" I'm always worried the condom will fall off and I'll catch HIV or STDs and no man is worth that. Make these men work for you. Inviting him to his apartment was a red flag. He got what he wanted and now he's done. That's just my opinion.
D-Lish Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Well he told me that he was in the middle of getting a new car purchase squared away and that he lost his wallet and stole money on his credit cards and had a field day with it. So IDK... It doesn't matter how "busy" someone is- if they are interested in you, they will make the effort! And truly, how much effort does it take to shoot off a text? It takes 6 seconds maybe?
hoping2heal Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I need some advice. I am sure many of you go through this; but I just want some feedback (from men and women). Okay so here it goes: I met this guy through a dating site. We hit it off exchanged e-mails, talked on the phone etc. Seemed like we really hit it off so we decided to meet. We met for drinks; had a very nice time. Seemed like there was an amount of chemistry...or so I thought. After that night we exchanged some rather steamy texts (not sexting but steamy) for the next week or so we talked (phone, e-mail etc) and decided to hang out again. So we met again at his place and had a really nice date and of course it ended with some really good sex. I went home got a text from him the next day saying he had a great time. I texted him back and told him we should do it again if he wanted to and he said for sure, so a couple days went by and I heard nothing, not a peep. So I decided to text him instead to see if he would even respond. He did and told me he was busy but that he would text me back later. He texted me the next morning telling me he had a bunch of (which sounded legit) crap going on but that he would drop me a note soon. With smiley faces etc. I texted him back wishing him everything get better and that he could text me anytime. So people what do you think? Do you think it's a polite brush off or do you think it's sincere? Please share your thoughts with me...right now it's driving me crazy! I just want to know before I continue investing my time with it. You exchanged steamy texts for a week, which signaled to him this could likely end in sex for him. Within a week, he gets the sex and then he bails. The texts are likely just a polite brush off because he does not want to feel like the bad guy. He may also figure it is in his best interest to not totally burn that bridge lest he want sex again. You give it up easy once, and they assume that will be an encore.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Thanks everyone for your feedback. It is much appreciated! You are all right...once they get it that's pretty much it. I know that's why he sent me a reply text after I texted him. He doesn't want to be the bad guy...it's cool. Next time I will be more careful; I guess even when you are attracted to someone you need to wait. Also; he is on my Facebook page as well should I just delete him or just leave it? I guess I just feel kind of bad...I feel so stupid for sending a text back yesterday saying how bad I felt for his situation and to text me back whenever....can't wait blah, blah, blah. What an idiot I am. I knew better too...I guess I need to wake up to reality!
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 It doesn't matter how "busy" someone is- if they are interested in you, they will make the effort! And truly, how much effort does it take to shoot off a text? It takes 6 seconds maybe? YES...you are 100 percent right! I guess in most relationships I have been in; I always thought guys liked aggressive girls...so I try to be aggressive. But in reality IDK what they want other than sex. What amazes me is how much money and time they will invest just for one night of casual sex.
Author memento1985 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Don't sleep with them too soon. The next time a guy tries that with you ask yourself "is this man worth dying for?" I'm always worried the condom will fall off and I'll catch HIV or STDs and no man is worth that. Make these men work for you. Inviting him to his apartment was a red flag. He got what he wanted and now he's done. That's just my opinion. I agree with your opinion. Thank you for posting. I have never been great at dating and for the longest time I never gave it up; then I lost relationships for waiting and now if I give it up I still lose out. I think I will just focus on my work and forget men for a while.
hoping2heal Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I agree with your opinion. Thank you for posting. I have never been great at dating and for the longest time I never gave it up; then I lost relationships for waiting and now if I give it up I still lose out. I think I will just focus on my work and forget men for a while. If a guy dumps you because he has to wait and you take that as a signal to have sex so soon, you are doing yourself a major non favor. If a guy leaves because you do not give it up right away you should consider yourself happy that you just got rid of someone who did not have genuine intentions for you. There are good guys out there, but there are also plenty of guys who will exploit a situation for their interest if given the chance. Do not use sex or the inuendo of it to get a man interested for one, because that will just attract the wrong guy altogether. Yes, sex is important but the type of guy who is looking for more than sex and substance beyond that is going to want to see substance first and sex in time.
Author memento1985 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 If a guy dumps you because he has to wait and you take that as a signal to have sex so soon, you are doing yourself a major non favor. If a guy leaves because you do not give it up right away you should consider yourself happy that you just got rid of someone who did not have genuine intentions for you. There are good guys out there, but there are also plenty of guys who will exploit a situation for their interest if given the chance. Do not use sex or the inuendo of it to get a man interested for one, because that will just attract the wrong guy altogether. Yes, sex is important but the type of guy who is looking for more than sex and substance beyond that is going to want to see substance first and sex in time. You are right. I am just going to be true to myself and go with what feels right. I agree there are good guys out there; just after such bad experiences for the past god knows how long I don't know if there will ever be a right one for me. You know I have done the online dating thing before but since I moved across country I thought I would give it a try. It's all the same crap...and to be honest this guy was nothing that special. He was nice (or seemed nice) and decent looking so I decided to try it. But so far since moving to Los Angeles I have met nothing but such shallow and insincere guys. I know they are everywhere but they seem worse out here. Ugh...
snug.bunny Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 You exchanged steamy texts for a week, which signaled to him this could likely end in sex for him. Within a week, he gets the sex and then he bails. The texts are likely just a polite brush off because he does not want to feel like the bad guy. He may also figure it is in his best interest to not totally burn that bridge lest he want sex again. You give it up easy once, and they assume that will be an encore. This is my thinking too. He could be maintaining contact as to not appear jerky, but enough to keep you interested. He got the cookies, so he doesn't have a very keen interest in seeing you, as he did before. He'd want to see you again afterwards, not just keep "in contact" with you. Que Sera Sera!
D-Lish Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Don't beat yourself up over this. Do remember that no one is trying to be harsh or jugemental when we tell you not to sleep with someone so early- because doing so can be the difference between being gf material and being a sexual object. If you're aggressive that early on, you're giving the wrong impression, believe me. A guy will like a sexually aggressive girl intially, but he'll never see her as gf material. As soon as you allowed the convo after your first date to go to sexually suggestive texts, you changed your dynamic. He began to see you as someone he could fu^k instead of someone he could spend his life with.
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