Dims85 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 She text me tonight asking if all was well and also about some mail still being sent to her house. I was thinking of responding tomorrow with just " all is well hope all is well with u, will fix the mail, have a good one" I don't want to break NC but what do u guys think?? Do I ignore or just respond to let her know it's fixed??
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Many people here will tell you NC! NC!. But I see nothing wrong with the example you gave above of what your response would be. The point of doing NC is to prevent yourself from begging, from acting needy, from pushing them further away. If you're at the point where you can give her a reasonable response like what you typed above, and as long as your fingers aren't going to develop a mind of their own while your phone is in your hands and start typing I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU TAKE ME BACK, you'll be fine. NC is not a life sentence. It serves a purpose in many situations, but you do not have to stick with it all the time. It is mainly a tool to prevent yourself from getting hurt more. You don't sound like the type of person who is so horribly wounded and vulnerable that breaking NC could really backfire that badly on you. Send her that short reply and that's it. I see no problem with it, but that's just my opinion.
Author Dims85 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Many people here will tell you NC! NC!. But I see nothing wrong with the example you gave above of what your response would be. The point of doing NC is to prevent yourself from begging, from acting needy, from pushing them further away. If you're at the point where you can give her a reasonable response like what you typed above, and as long as your fingers aren't going to develop a mind of their own while your phone is in your hands and start typing I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU TAKE ME BACK, you'll be fine. NC is not a life sentence. It serves a purpose in many situations, but you do not have to stick with it all the time. It is mainly a tool to prevent yourself from getting hurt more. You don't sound like the type of person who is so horribly wounded and vulnerable that breaking NC could really backfire that badly on you. Send her that short reply and that's it. I see no problem with it, but that's just my opinion. Thanks exit, I still love her and have feelins for her we were together for 6 1/2 years and engaged.... I just know begging will do no good did that when we went on a break almost 2 months ago and then again when she left me 3 weeks ago. I told her already she has to be the one to fix this as I am here if she wants the rs back but if not I'm moving on as it takes 2 for it to work . I will text her tomorrow what I said and take it from there
VJohnson32 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 NC! NC! lol NC=No Contact, it isnt some kind of a scientifical method or a self healing tool with magical powers. So many threads on here about NC and what it does and and how wonderful it is. Use common sense... its completely logical. The more time you spend apart with no contact whatsoever the better you get with time, its NOT the NC ... its human psychology + time = a state of consciousness. As a matter of fact, the time to reach a clear state of mind is about the same if you keep contact or not. However, your emotional state will be jeopardized throughout the contact period but your mind will reach its conscious point at about the same time as if you were making no contact with less emotional pain. I have met people that have been in no contact with their ex's for years and still have a hard time moving on. No wonders you see all these threads about people leaving their current girl/boy friends for ex's ...its a never ending cycle. Its a battle you cannot win. NC is self-manipulation, a mind trick ...with the goal of reaching euphoria. Im way out of topic
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Yeah.... 6 and a half years and an engagement is a bit beyond "NC" territory in my opinion. It sounds like you're mature enough to handle things in other ways. For someone to text us and say hope you are well and I'm still receiving some of your mail, do we really need to put on our little heartbroken NC face and tell ourselves not to answer? It doesn't have to be like that, life is too short. As long as you aren't inflicting huge amounts of pain on yourself just by answering a simple text, and you can still maintain your sanity, go for it.
Author Dims85 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 the only thing I would say I regret about texting her today is now I have the thought in the back of my mind if she will respond with anything at all. Its not like my text left it open for response but the thought is still there... Damnit why does the mind do these things. Im just gonna consider this a minor bump in my NC. Keep the feet moving forward
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 the only thing I would say I regret about texting her today is now I have the thought in the back of my mind if she will respond with anything at all. Its not like my text left it open for response but the thought is still there... Damnit why does the mind do these things. Im just gonna consider this a minor bump in my NC. Keep the feet moving forward That's one of the evil things about text, I swear I am really learning to hate that whole technology. Would it be the same if text didn't exist and it was a phone call instead?
Author Dims85 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 To be honest like you said eyedont , with a text its sent and they can or can't respond if they want to, so it leaves that communication open technically if they don't respond. If you are on the phone with them speaking they have to at least say something to you or respond to your statements....Much easier to ignore a text than an actualy convo. just a minor setback, I need to move on, the more i think about my situation its like everyone says she made her mind up months ago, it wasn't a blindside, if I only read the writing on the wall. Life lesson learned, time to ride the rollercoaster of emotions til this is over and I fully move on
tyler123 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 DIMS i wrote this yesterday on another board- it's all good bro- but what you are feeling is exactly why i am not calling my lady back after her voice mail yesterday.. listen i know i will have a set back like you even if it's small it will feel large - it's only a matter of time, maybe not but odds are against me, us with PERFECT NC- but for now i feel great that i have some days under my belt- my sleep is better and so is my clarity.. thanks Longterm for writing that so well. the feelings that come with NC do indeed SUCK, no denying that!!! the key for me is to get REAL HONEST with myself- what brings me peace and recovery here are 2 scenarios black and white 1. anytime the feelings/thinking of "CONTACT" arise I call a friend, go to the gym, write on here , read other posts and their experiences gain some wisdom- realize we can heal and things get easier a day at a time. 2. act on my emotions, emptiness and hurt feelings pick up the phone, send a text. I get her voicemail - I WAIT FOR A CALL BACK OBSSESS MORE NOW THAN I HAVE in past days, write a text- I STARE AT MY PHONE waiting for a response- I don't get one - i am angrier-... Oh i call again she does answer and i get cut off, she does not respond EXACTLY how i want- i hang up and i am pissed as hell. she texts me back and agrees to meet- i wait but can't get her to tell me where and when- she says she has a busy week. LOOK AT THIS energy being that can be better used at work, writing on the board.. Sure my emotions are running wild doing the NC and its sucks but i know this is the A GOOD PAIN and the other is a pain of chasing, holding on to the R causes me a way worse type of pain [sIZE=5][COLOR=#660000]tyler123[/COLOR][/sIZE] Member
Author Dims85 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 DIMS i wrote this yesterday on another board- it's all good bro- but what you are feeling is exactly why i am not calling my lady back after her voice mail yesterday.. listen i know i will have a set back like you even if it's small it will feel large - it's only a matter of time, maybe not but odds are against me, us with PERFECT NC- but for now i feel great that i have some days under my belt- my sleep is better and so is my clarity.. thanks Longterm for writing that so well. the feelings that come with NC do indeed SUCK, no denying that!!! the key for me is to get REAL HONEST with myself- what brings me peace and recovery here are 2 scenarios black and white 1. anytime the feelings/thinking of "CONTACT" arise I call a friend, go to the gym, write on here , read other posts and their experiences gain some wisdom- realize we can heal and things get easier a day at a time. 2. act on my emotions, emptiness and hurt feelings pick up the phone, send a text. I get her voicemail - I WAIT FOR A CALL BACK OBSSESS MORE NOW THAN I HAVE in past days, write a text- I STARE AT MY PHONE waiting for a response- I don't get one - i am angrier-... Oh i call again she does answer and i get cut off, she does not respond EXACTLY how i want- i hang up and i am pissed as hell. she texts me back and agrees to meet- i wait but can't get her to tell me where and when- she says she has a busy week. LOOK AT THIS energy being that can be better used at work, writing on the board.. Sure my emotions are running wild doing the NC and its sucks but i know this is the A GOOD PAIN and the other is a pain of chasing, holding on to the R causes me a way worse type of pain [sIZE=5][COLOR=#660000]tyler123[/COLOR][/sIZE] Member Very true.... Those examples are so spot on about how it can go. I know its bothering me today but I'm positive I will get over it. I have gotten to the sh*t happens attitude about her leaving, it hurts a lot don't get me wrong but whats me begging gonna do. I think the month break before the actual split helped me alot in moving forward with my life. I wasn't perfect but neither was she, its a lesson learned on what I need to do to better myself to make sure I enjoy my life and any rs that come my way. Thanks for the replies everybody, I appreciate the feedback and help.
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