PurpleReign Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 OP, you're right. There are absolutely no single, decent people over the age of 30. It's too late! Prepare yourself for a life of loneliness, longing, and depression. There is, of course, something wrong with everyone who does not tie the knot before the eve of their 30th birthday. After all, if they weren't unacceptable, surely someone would've grabbed 'em up by now! Get over yourself and GROW UP! You're obviously not married yet because you're still simply too immature to make that kind of commitment.
Author iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 OP, you're right. There are absolutely no single, decent people over the age of 30. It's too late! Prepare yourself for a life of loneliness, longing, and depression. There is, of course, something wrong with everyone who does not tie the knot before the eve of their 30th birthday. After all, if they weren't unacceptable, surely someone would've grabbed 'em up by now! Get over yourself and GROW UP! You're obviously not married yet because you're still simply too immature to make that kind of commitment. I understand the sarcasm in the first paragraph. I can even understand my question being annoying to unmarried men over 30. I don't understand where the second paragraph came from. Where do you get immature from? I think it would show that I'm not ready for commitment if I had a history of dating short term and breaking it off. That has never been the case. My last relationship was over 4 years. I've never dated anyone unless I saw there being long term, marriage potential.
Disillusioned Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Imagine some of the women in their early 20s now when they get old and wrinkled, sitting in their wheelchairs, but still smug and self-satisfied... "heh heh! No guy ever got me!" BTW some people get married for some pretty immature reasons.
elastica Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) I am with those who don't really know a lot of decent available single (never married) men in their 30s. And I live in a huge city! I am almost 30 years old now, and my BF is 35+. I have just recently started to realize that what I have is a treasure. Due to my job I meet (and spend time with) a lot of 30+ men on a daily basis (like, at least 100 per day), and I gotta tell you, the situation is bad. Just before I elaborate on what I mean by "bad", let me say that I will focus only on the appalling characteristics now. I certainly don't think this is true of all men, however, in my honest opinion and experience, if you take for example 100 men in their 30s, definitely more than 50% will show one of the following signs. (Note: just in case you think it is relevant, men I talk about have average, above average, and way above average earnings) The ones that have never been married are very lonely, desperate for attention and so afraid of ending up alone that it unconsciously adds to their insecurities. This is a lot of time true about very successful, good looking men in "positions". I am sure a lot of women see a nice looking, handsome men in business attire, and melt away from hotness, but if this man is 30+ and has never been married before, it is very likely that he is so unhappy and depressed that spending a few days with him will make you want to run away from the world. The divorced ones have an emotional baggage from previous marriage and are generally also very sad and negative, automatically assuming women will trick them and cheat on them - another factor that turns decent women off. I mean, it is not a good start when you constantly have to prove that your feelings are genuine, when it should all be natural. Also, some men are so horny they feel free to touch women when and where they like, not realizing it is inappropriate and they are crossing a certain line with being "too much". Others think just because they have money, they can have everything, and can talk to people without respect. Again, a big turn off. I have also noticed that a lot of men in their 30s will just sit and wait for women to fight each other for them. And I know a lot of people will say this is not true, women do not do anything and blah blah blah. I usually do not get involved in those threads, because in the real world it doesn't work that way, well, at least in my experience, women will go and get what they want, if they want it. Of course, some men are obviously looking for marriage, a life partner. They are decent and in good shape. But they are so sad and lonely, you won't see them genuinely smile more than once a year. And who wants to date a sad man? Even the good ones are affected. Another thing, and I hope you don't get me wrong. Education and career, in my personal opinion, are overrated. Sometimes people talk about these things as if they were mutually exclusive. Like, you can have one OR the other. I don't see it that way. People graduate from universities and they are so lonely and without any connections in the "real" world, they start saying "oh I am on my own now because I focused on my career"... Statements like this do not make sense to me (but hey that's just me). Edited April 14, 2011 by elastica
zengirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Sure. Within the past year, 2 of my friends (both over 30) got married, and one is now pregnant. Another of my friends just turned 31 this week, and she's engaged and will get married next year. Most of the people I know in healthy marriages got married either pretty close to 30 or after. Among an educated crowd, it's not uncommon to get married in your 30s. It takes some time to get an education, build a career, etc, and feel like you know yourself well enough to find your mate. Marriages are almost twice as likely to last if the bride is over 26, by the way (Bride's age matters more than groom's in these things, statistics have shown), so seems like a good enough trend to me. I'd think it starts to get somewhat more difficult in your 40s as so many people seem to pair off in their 30s, if they want that sort of thing, and many of the folks left simply WANT to be single, but I've still seen people have their first marriages then, as well. My cousin was a confirmed bachelor till he was 46 and just married a woman (widowed years ago) with 5 kids! He never wanted kids or marriage before, so **** happens. He's never been happier and he loves those kids and has adopted all 5 of them.
layla1983 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm in my early 20's and my ex is in his 30's. He's never been married although he was engaged in his 20's. He is extremely desirable. I now know why he never married in his 20's. It's because when he was in his 20's he would date girls (like me) in their 20's and most girls in their 20's get a little grass is greener and a guy will break it off. I know he wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry hom but I took him for granted and he bounced like a grown man should/would. Man O man if second chances are possible I will be his wife
milkmaterial Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 its funny, i generally expect good things from people and ive never seen a single post from mr cairo that didnt make me pissed, or annoyed..and i am not the only one feeling this way. sounsd like a very unhappy person...and like someone here posted before "hurt people..hurt people." misery loves company. anyway i'd rather spread good feelings than bad feelings..first off, there are so many women who have had babies after 30. usually we want to make sure that we marry a good guy..and that isnt even a guarantee nowadays. most guys prefer the women to have careers, to look good, have a nice fit body, be understanding, be wild in bed..all at the same time. and while "most" women nowadays endeavor to reach these things (for their own personal gain) it also makes them too busy to look around and date. it takes a while for a person to find out if they really like/love the one their with enough to marry them. so lets say u started dating at 20, it took 3 yrs to find out guy number 1 was a cheater..then u rested from the dating scene for 2 years or so..dated another guy...who was distant..etc the thing is its not easy to find a suitable mate for marriage..especially nowadays that marriage is just something that can easily be dissolved within hours with a divorce.
Leeway Harris Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I am with those who don't really know a lot of decent available single (never married) men in their 30s. And I live in a huge city! I am almost 30 years old now, and my BF is 35+. I have just recently started to realize that what I have is a treasure....The ones that have never been married are very lonely, desperate for attention and so afraid of ending up alone that it unconsciously adds to their insecurities. This is a lot of time true about very successful, good looking men in "positions". I am sure a lot of women see a nice looking, handsome men in business attire, and melt away from hotness, but if this man is 30+ and has never been married before, it is very likely that he is so unhappy and depressed that spending a few days with him will make you want to run away from the world. ...Of course, some men are obviously looking for marriage, a life partner. They are decent and in good shape. But they are so sad and lonely, you won't see them genuinely smile more than once a year. And who wants to date a sad man? Even the good ones are affected. You're even luckier than you realize. Not only do you have a good relationship, you must have had a life that let you feel secure and trusting enough of other people that you don't have to worry about becoming one of those "sad and lonely" people. Definitely treasure what you have. its funny, i generally expect good things from people and ive never seen a single post from mr cairo that didnt make me pissed, or annoyed..and i am not the only one feeling this way. sounsd like a very unhappy person...and like someone here posted before "hurt people..hurt people." misery loves company. Yeah, totally. Put him on ignore, no sense allowing him to take up space in your head.
irc333 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 RIght, that'll be their FIRST round of marriages....wait till you're in your mid 30's, and they're all divorced. lol Then you won't feel so bad. lol Yep. I'm 25 years old and pretty much everyone I know has gotten married now.
sunshinegirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Iris, I met my husband when I was 35 and he was 37; we married at 36/38, respectively. (We were both never-marrieds with no children.) I loved turning 30 and did a lot of dating in my thirties before meeting my husband. (Honestly, 30's are SO much better than one's 20's, IMHO: you know yourself better, you've lived a little, you have a better sense of what you want and what you believe.) True, I had my moments of wondering if there were any good men left, and I had a couple of big heartbreaks in there from dating the wrong men, but I managed to keep the faith while building a life that I loved as a singleton. And what do you know, H walked right into that great life and we got married 1.5 years later.
Disillusioned Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Seriously though... instead of playing games and destroying trust, why can't some people just tell it like it is and admit they don't want anyone? It would be better than jerking others around.
zengirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Seriously though... instead of playing games and destroying trust, why can't some people just tell it like it is and admit they don't want anyone? It would be better than jerking others around. I agree. They totally should. And then they could casually date and hook up with each other, and wouldn't everyone be happier?
Author iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I'm a 30 year old single man but it's more so by my own choice than anything else. It's not that women don't desire me but it's just that I don't want to get married. I see you are about the same age as me. Most women your age want to get married & that's why I wouldn't last in any relationship with women. So now I target the older women who have already been married, divorced, raised their kids, & their kids are grown up and left the house. You are, therefore, considered undesirable and confirm my fear that there are no decent men over 30. I'm kidding! To each his own. Are you saying you don't want to spend the rest of your life with one person? Is that why you don't want to get married? Otherwise, I don't see a difference between marriage and deciding to commit to one person.
Stung Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) Iris, I live in a major metropolitan area, and at least in the circles I move in (a lot of tech geeks, entrepreneurs, scientists and artists) it's the norm to not marry until 30+. I of course know a few people who married in their 20s, but the ones who married in their early 20s were widely regarded as a little bit crazy (and indeed they are both on their 2nd marriages now). Most of us were busy traveling the world and pursuing higher education, and not looking to settle down so young. I myself met my husband when I was 30. My husband was 35 when we met, and never married. He had had a few serious live-in relationships before he met me, which had ended because he didn't want to marry those women, but he did want to marry--he was waiting for the right one for him. I obviously thought he was desirable, since I married him. My best girlfriends are 35 and 36, and they are both engaged right now. Two other close female friends married at 33 and 31. I had our healthy, perfect son when I was 33, and he was a beautiful accident, I wasn't even planning on trying for another couple of years. I had my son a year or two earlier than most of my friends, there was a baby boomlet among my circle when the women started hitting 35. Regardless, as another poster said, a lot of the people who married young are going through divorces in their thirties. If you don't want to move to an area where getting married later is the norm, just keep your eyes open, realistically a lot of slots are likely to start opening up. Edited April 14, 2011 by Stung
zengirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 You are, therefore, considered undesirable and confirm my fear that there are no decent men over 30. I'm kidding! To each his own. Are you saying you don't want to spend the rest of your life with one person? Is that why you don't want to get married? Otherwise, I don't see a difference between marriage and deciding to commit to one person. He also doesn't like sex. And just wants a woman he can see like a couple times a month for the rest of his life. He writes all sorts of weird stuff. Women aren't missing out on this one.
Star Gazer Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I am 32 and not yet married. 95% of my friends are in their 30's and about 80% of them are single.
Alma Mobley Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Iris, I live in a major metropolitan area, and at least in the circles I move in (a lot of tech geeks, entrepreneurs, scientists and artists) it's the norm to not marry until 30+. This is what it's like where I live too. I've seen this question asked here before and I always find it odd but then remember that it's not the same everywhere. I think people are better off delaying marriage until their 30's, except my husband, of course.
Author iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I am 32 and not yet married. 95% of my friends are in their 30's and about 80% of them are single. I'm the same age as you and it's not that I'm dying to get married. It's that I don't date because I can't find any age appropriate single men. Maybe I need to move.
Thedude22 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 There is a lot of unfair things for different genders. What is unfair for women is that your desirability to men goes down exponentially when you hit 30-35. A man in his 30s can still date women in their 20s, why would he opt for women in their 30s who are desperate for marriage/kids and are frankly less attractive? I know single men in their 30 very content and happy with life. I know/heard of many more single women who are miserable and are desperately scraping for whatever they can get before their biological clock tick-tocks for the very last time.
Disillusioned Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 The ones that have never been married are very lonely, desperate for attention and so afraid of ending up alone that it unconsciously adds to their insecurities. This is a lot of time true about very successful, good looking men in "positions". I am sure a lot of women see a nice looking, handsome men in business attire, and melt away from hotness, but if this man is 30+ and has never been married before, it is very likely that he is so unhappy and depressed that spending a few days with him will make you want to run away from the world. Don't you think you're being a bit judgmental? I mean, just because a guy is lonely and desperate, doesn't necessarily mean he's going to want to do perverted things to you if you agree to be with him for a while. So what if he's depressed? I beat depression 8 years ago on my own. The divorced ones have an emotional baggage from previous marriage and are generally also very sad and negative, automatically assuming women will trick them and cheat on them - another factor that turns decent women off. I mean, it is not a good start when you constantly have to prove that your feelings are genuine, when it should all be natural. Sounds pretty much like my divorced male buddy. Also, some men are so horny they feel free to touch women when and where they like, not realizing it is inappropriate and they are crossing a certain line with being "too much". Others think just because they have money, they can have everything, and can talk to people without respect. Again, a big turn off. OTOH many women don't think of that when they say they want a rich guy or a horny guy. There ARE downsides, after all. Sure, the guy who runs the company where I work during the day is a stylish, slim, good-looking guy, but he talks to me and everyone else who works for him as if he's talking to an idiot. I have also noticed that a lot of men in their 30s will just sit and wait for women to fight each other for them. And I know a lot of people will say this is not true, women do not do anything and blah blah blah. I usually do not get involved in those threads, because in the real world it doesn't work that way, well, at least in my experience, women will go and get what they want, if they want it. I've yet to meet a woman who's that direct on the romantic level. Of course, some men are obviously looking for marriage, a life partner. They are decent and in good shape. I used to be one of those guys, but women wanted to play games when I wanted to be serious and they wanted to be serious when I wasn't. I got so tired of that whole bait-and-switch routine that I stopped giving women that privilege of pushing my buttons, and took myself off the market altogether. I don't want a life partner who's unpredictable and contrary. I have enough stress in my life without a person like that. Another thing, and I hope you don't get me wrong. Education and career, in my personal opinion, are overrated. Sometimes people talk about these things as if they were mutually exclusive. Like, you can have one OR the other. I don't see it that way. People graduate from universities and they are so lonely and without any connections in the "real" world, they start saying "oh I am on my own now because I focused on my career"... Statements like this do not make sense to me (but hey that's just me). Now THAT, I don't dare doubt. For some people, it's the only life they know. The world is full of educated dummies, people with a lot of book learning but so few street smarts that they're clueless about how things work in the real world. As for career types, some of them let it go to their heads. They start to think of themselves as emperors/empresses, and anyone with more status is their enemy to be conquered (or their butt buddy, depending on sense of brotherhood). They also don't have a life beyond conquering the next guy's empire and bossing the serfs around. I agree. They totally should. And then they could casually date and hook up with each other, and wouldn't everyone be happier? Players + other players = happiness Keepers + other keepers = happiness Players + keepers = our current broken reality The way I see it, bottom line is that Trust was the first casualty of the war Between the Sexes, and some of us are pushing for Mutually Assured Destruction when we should be talking about a truce. Unfortunately there are plenty of people (you know who you are) who have a vested interest in making sure the struggle continues.
green_tea Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 There was this woman who was 41 on POF, single, never married, has no children...and she said she WANTS to have children. And I was thinking "At 41??" I thought around 40 was past the point of no return or something. I figured if a person reached a certain age, ie. 40 years old....they'd loose the desire to have children. (and with some, the chance to have or even barely have the ability) Saw a woman, age 42, divorced, she HAS children and has "Yes" to wanting more. Usually, if they've been there, done that...figured they'd not do it again. Who are you to judge if someone wants children after age 40? Plenty of women have done it.
pandagirl Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) I'm about to turn 33 and I'm completely single. I would say I know more unmarried than married friends in the 30-35 year old range, men and women. Life doesn't run on some sort of time line. Things happen when they happen. I *understand* why people start to settle down around 30, but it's ridiculous to think that everyone must follow this same path. Statistically, it isn't plausible that everyone meets their match at the same time in their life. I actually think it's kind of strange when people marry *before* they turn 30! I say marry when you meet the right person and you want to. And that can happen at any age. Edited April 15, 2011 by pandagirl
J200 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 (edited) I come from an Asian family of high achievers. All the women in my family (I'm talking about my aunts who are now in their 40's and 50's) were always taught that no man would respect them unless they had a degree and were successful by my grandma (she only had like an 8th grade education and my grandfather cheated on her). So I don't think any of my aunts married at all until their thirties, had kids in their late 30's or even 40's I think... I don't know many people who married under 30. This is in California. At work, yea there are many people in their twenties who are married but I'm talking about Asian women here... We were all taught to be really independent and super high achievers. All my cousins are doctors or getting advanced degrees; I am sure they will not married until thirties either. It's the norm in my family and among other asian folks here. MAny people have a false impression that Asian women are submissive and all that nonsense but all the women in my family are independent and don't rely on a man for financial independence. Mostly all are very career focused and marry late. I am 33 and not married. Don't ever want kids but I'm very non-traditional so I don't care about marriage; I am ok with never being married and I don't need a man to make me happy either. I am happy being single and I intend to stay single for a long time. Never felt any pressure from society or anyone else to get married. I think marriage is outdated anyways. Edited April 15, 2011 by J200
Duckduckgoose Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 Its pretty common to be married for the first time over 30. Part of me wants to think they are a loser but that's not always true. Some people put more focus on their career. It is mostly that way in this city. They want to be established... they have the "If you build it they will come" mentality. They build their good life and expect the mate to show up. Of course as 27 and divorced I can't call the never married 30 somethings losers cause I wasn't the one that made the best decisions either.
Disillusioned Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 All of these guys are different. The main thing about men that all men share is this: all men want sex. And most are capable of selling their mothers to get some. Bull. I don't want sex, so I guess I must be some kind of robot. And even if I did, I'd have gone broke years ago from driving to the ranches in Nevada.
Recommended Posts