iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Do you know many people who got married and started a family for the first time after age 30? Do you even know many single (desirable) people over 30 at all? I mean think about how many really cool single people over 30 (but under 45) you know. I think some people would say if they were really desirable, they wouldn’t be single, right? (I know that includes myself and I know what’s wrong with me—I stayed too long in the wrong relationships—several for around 4 years, which I’m now kicking myself for.) I want to get married and have a family, but I don’t even date! I really want to start dating, but I’m not sure where to start. I haven’t met a single man my age in I can’t tell you when. I would feel better if I met single men, but it just didn’t work out, rather than never meeting them at all. (I seem to get hit on by men who aren’t single, but obviously that’s not going to work.)
zakfar Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Yes! I know many men over 30 who are single, and they are good, and can be considered 'Desirable' for females. You are taking this age thing too seriously. However, you are right about being worried about settling down at this stage. You can't marry without a woman (considering that you're straight), and you can't have a woman if you don't want to get one.
somedude81 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Unless I somehow get married in the next few months, I will be getting married over 30.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I am 25 years old, but seeing the direction my life is headed so far, I wouldn't be surprised if my life turned out that way. You sound a lot like I can imagine myself sounding in 5 years or more. I've had long relationships as well. So please don't scare me with all this negative talk. D= I hate being single and I'm terrified of all of that. That I won't be able to meet new people and things and have no kids, OMG. Because I agree with you, I'd rather meet men and it not work out over and over again then be completely alone because at least that way you have some company . . . . . .
Mrlonelyone Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 My father got married at 40. My grandfather got married at 50. Both of them had various relationships before that age they just didn't get married until then. My grandfather was married to my grandmother until her death... and my father may well be married to my mother until his death (he's 70 this year). So what's better a large quantity of marriages or just one good one? I think one really good marriage is better than being divorced with all the baggage and hard feelings it can create.
Mutant Debutante Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Sure, I know plenty of people in their 30s who aren't married. No big. I personally don't really want to get married for at least a few years, and I definitely don't want kids of my own until I'm at least 35.
Cerpin_Taxt Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm 35 and not married...yet. I'm plenty desirable to someone. I hope. And I never plan on giving up.
blackmagik Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I will be married over 30 too, no chance of it now.. I'm only 28 but I have a two year rule of dating someone before I would marry them. I figure it takes at least 2 years to really get to know someone well enough to really truly KNOW them.
ColdFox Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 One of my best friends is getting married this spring, and she's 33. She's always had options and been considered desirable. Her fiance is a desirable guy, "high quality" and 36. It's not unusual at all in a lot of cities, from what I've seen. Part of what makes both these two desirable is that they took their time to find themselves, get good educations and establish themselves in great jobs. They're doing good and they're a good match. Yeah women are most fertile in their teens but I never heard of a NINETY percent drop off at thirty.
ColdFox Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Its fine. Most people aren't informed about human nature and about the law. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/women-fertility-falls-lose-90-percent-eggs-30/story?id=9693015 Well that comment was pretty rude and uncalled for but I feel I should point out you're actually talking about obstetrics and biology not human nature or the law. So maybe you're not so well informed, about English . Anyway, it's just one study, and it doesn't say women are 90% less able to have a baby once they're 30, it says they've already used/lost 90% of their eggs by then. That's obviously related, but not exactly the same thing. There should be plenty of oocytes in a healthy 32 yo woman for example, you make it sound like most 32 yo women have just a 10% chance of having a baby and that's obviously not right.
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Most men and women I know have only married and started a family after 30. All of them are people with a high education and a good career, who first wanted to settle in life before taking huge decisions.
Alma Mobley Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I got married for the first time at 36 and gave birth at 38 to a healthy baby boy. He just turned a year old!
Author iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 You've given me some hope! I asked this question after returning from a work function last night where no one was single, except myself and another woman (she's 40, never married, and hasn't had much luck either.) I was talking to the wife of a colleague and she doesn't know any single men in my age group. She kept trying to think of who she knew that she could set me up with, but couldn't. Sigh. I'm not too concerned about missing my chance to biologically have children because I'd be open to adopting, but I'd rather not be a single mom. I'm not trying to be negative (just realistic), but I wonder if the people you know who did marry after 30 had already met their partners before that. I have friends from college who keep telling me I have to move. I live in a college town and a place where people retire, but I've started my career here. Is it really worth moving in hopes that I'll meet my husband? I can't decide, but I guess I'd do it if I could find a job elsewhere. But who's to say it'd be better anywhere else? And I love where I live (expect for the lack of available men). I'm going to try and be more proactive and find someone to go on a date with--not sure how to do this, as I don't really know any single men, but maybe I can conjure one up!
EasyHeart Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Who gets married before 30? YIKES!!! That should be illegal.
irc333 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 There was this woman who was 41 on POF, single, never married, has no children...and she said she WANTS to have children. And I was thinking "At 41??" I thought around 40 was past the point of no return or something. I figured if a person reached a certain age, ie. 40 years old....they'd loose the desire to have children. (and with some, the chance to have or even barely have the ability) Saw a woman, age 42, divorced, she HAS children and has "Yes" to wanting more. Usually, if they've been there, done that...figured they'd not do it again. The funny thing is that the men and the women I know about, who are of a quality superior to most - in whatever aspect -, don't cohabit or marry at all since they have too much to offer and too much to be wasted away if, and when the relationship goes sour. The men who are of high quality and marry, are usually interested in having children, and to them, and to science, and to common sense, it makes sense to marry/have children with women in their 20's due to the fact that the older a woman is when having babies, the higher the chances of her having a defected baby, and also because, the younger the woman is, the higher the levels of her fertility are. There have been studies made that suggest that women starting at the age of 30 lose about 90% of their fertility, and that the older the woman is, when having babies, the higher the chances of their daughters being infertile in the future. You won't see many doctors talking about that. But are people aware of the fact that the Pill is so bad to women's health? Due to the man's high level of quality, he probably is financially independent and can have a woman without her having to work, so yes, the men of high quality that I know about, either don't marry/live with women, or marry women decades younger than them. And no, they aren't afraid of strong, independent women. Its just that high quality men have options, and they'll go after what they want. There are men who don't mind marrying a woman in her 30's, so don't stress about it. The quality of the man might not be exactly what you want, but that's just a matter of searching long enough to find what you want, I guess. Good luck!
Author iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Easyheart, It seems like most people are in relationships which will lead to marriage before they are 30. Most of the people I know have gotten married between 28 and 33, and all of them met before they were 30.
irc333 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 It seems like most people are in relationships which will lead to marriage before they are 30. Most of the people I know have gotten married between 28 and 33, and all of them met before they were 30. I know alot college aged, like between 21 and 25 that got married, if you go to a college, you'll see A LOT of engagements and scheduling weddings just after graduation.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I know alot college aged, like between 21 and 25 that got married, if you go to a college, you'll see A LOT of engagements and scheduling weddings just after graduation. Yep. I'm 25 years old and pretty much everyone I know has gotten married now.
Eeyore79 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 In my experience, single never-married people over 30 fall into three categories: *People who've had difficulty dating and/or finding the right person *People who are highly educated and career oriented, who wanted to be successful and enjoy life before they married *People who are undesirable losers, who nobody wants to marry I spent my twenties getting an education and establishing my career, and I really wasn't ready to make a commitment to anyone. I dated and was looking for a serious relationship, but didn't really make a huge effort to find one, and the right person never came along. Now I'm a successful professional in my early thirties and I'm ready to buy a house, build a life with someone, all that stuff. I know a number of other desirable, successful professionals in the same situation, who really weren't ready to settle down until they hit 30. In general it seems that the more high powered a man's career is, the longer he delays marriage. So if you're fishing in that pond of 30-something professionals there's a good chance of landing a decent catch. What you have to do is avoid reeling in one of the men who fall into the third category: the undesirables who are single because they're not marriage material.
Author iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Yes, I have friends who got married right out of college (undergrad) and many of them started getting divorced around 26, my best friend from college being one of them. Those are called starter marriages
Author iris219 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 In my experience, single never-married people over 30 fall into three categories: *People who've had difficulty dating and/or finding the right person *People who are highly educated and career oriented, who wanted to be successful and enjoy life before they married *People who are undesirable losers, who nobody wants to marry I spent my twenties getting an education and establishing my career, and I really wasn't ready to make a commitment to anyone. I dated and was looking for a serious relationship, but didn't really make a huge effort to find one, and the right person never came along. Now I'm a successful professional in my early thirties and I'm ready to buy a house, build a life with someone, all that stuff. I know a number of other desirable, successful professionals in the same situation, who really weren't ready to settle down until they hit 30. In general it seems that the more high powered a man's career is, the longer he delays marriage. So if you're fishing in that pond of 30-something professionals there's a good chance of landing a decent catch. What you have to do is avoid reeling in one of the men who fall into the third category: the undesirables who are single because they're not marriage material. What you say seems very true--it applies to myself. I focused on school and starting my career, and now I'm finally settled in a job I love and which provides financial security, but, unfortunately, I'm not fishing in any pond. I can't even meet single losers (I guess that's a good thing).
lookingforyou Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Do you know many people who got married and started a family for the first time after age 30? Do you even know many single (desirable) people over 30 at all? I mean think about how many really cool single people over 30 (but under 45) you know. I think some people would say if they were really desirable, they wouldn’t be single, right? (I know that includes myself and I know what’s wrong with me—I stayed too long in the wrong relationships—several for around 4 years, which I’m now kicking myself for.) I want to get married and have a family, but I don’t even date! I really want to start dating, but I’m not sure where to start. I haven’t met a single man my age in I can’t tell you when. I would feel better if I met single men, but it just didn’t work out, rather than never meeting them at all. (I seem to get hit on by men who aren’t single, but obviously that’s not going to work.) iris219, how old are you? I'm in a similar situation. I want to get married (not really want my own kids though) but I don't date. I want to date but I have to admit I'm not making enough effort, probably subconsciously because I don't really need a man? I'm not sure.
lizwashere Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 It's not just women who are affected by their biological clock, men's sperm also gets old and defective confirmed by a number of recent studies. "This study shows that men who wait until they are older to have children are not only risking difficulties conceiving, they could also be increasing the risk of having children with genetic problems," (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences) http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/06/health/06sper.html Here is another article describing the dangers associated with older fathers: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2059130/Scientists-reveal-dangers-of-older-fathers.html
Girlygirl1977 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Go to any major city and this is pretty common. I can tell you for sure this is pretty standard here in NY. A lot is tied to education - so those without a college degree will marry younger, than those with college and those with graduate degrees will marry after those with just college. There are stats to demonstrate this. But anyway - my guess is that if you go to major cities, this is pretty standard issue. Also on average people are not marrying people with 10+ age differences. There are stats that show globally the range is more like men typically marry 4 years younger than themselves (and this includes developing countries I'm pretty sure). So if the man is more educated and he gets married later, pretty unlikely he is going for a 20 year old. Also the divorce statistics support a huge drop in divorce depending on when your initial marriage was. Now if you live in a rural area or less dense town, then I'm sure people are getting married younger.
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