PelicanPete Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Im feeling a lot better since the break up almost half a year ago. When I got out of the initial shock and depression, I wanted to change my entire life. Hindsight it was probably a coping device to become someone else, since that part of myself that loved her needed to die. I made goals for myself and tried my hardest to accomplish them, but nothing went my way at all. When I realized I couldn't change my life, I was even more discouraged. I was comparing my life to my ex's. She was moving in with her new guy across the country, going to school, and engaged after 3 months. I looked at myself, and nothing had changed for me. My confidence was already in the toilet from being rejected by her, and repeatedly stomped on from the denial of my goals. On top of that she was trying to pry her way back into my life, while I just wanted to be someone else. When I realized that I couldn't change my surroundings, I had to change my reality and my thinking. I already changed a lot psychologically from the break up, but I had to learn to let go of as much of my inner turmoil as I could. Easier said then done of course, I did a lot to get rid of past regrets. One example is phoning up a old crush I hadn't seen or talked to for years just to tell her how I felt. I looked like a complete creeper and it took a lot balls. Even though I knew I would be rejected, I felt amazing afterward. So even though nothing seems to have changed, and at a glance my life is still the same, I am no longer living in regret and guilt and in the past, and I am essentially becoming someone else. I came across a picture of my ex and her new boyfriend today. Just a dim simmer of initial shock, and then nothing. I laughed and thought how could she possibly be engaged to that low life, and how did I even compare myself to him and feel bad about myself. I know I'm not ready to go out with anyone yet, but I don't really want to at this point in my life. Through changing my thought, my surroundings are changing and new opportunities for me are arising. My ex would always say that she didn't deserve me, and that I was too good for her. I'm now thinking that she was right.
D78 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 At a glance your life appears to be the same, but the way you think and what you feel have drastically changed. You accomplished your goal of changing your life in a much more meaningful way. Congrats!
Exit Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Sounds like you're doing alright. I've been having the same feelings about "improving myself" this time around with this specific breakup. All the other times I've been in this position, it seemed like a great thing to do. This time, I've either matured, or I'm a bit more confident, because my attitude is like, "why?". I agreed with my ex to maybe meet for dinner sometime soon although we are done for now, and immediately I was like "hmm maybe it'll be about two weeks, I should try to lose some weight, I should go get this tattoo I've been wanting", and then I asked myself why. As you said, it's like trying to turn into someone else to act like you don't care, or to try to leave the past behind. Screw it, I am me, and if she wants to come back and talk to me, awesome. I'm not gonna set up all these goals and things just to pretend. It's great that you aren't really dying to go out with anyone right now, too many people start doing that too soon and just hurt someone else. If you're doing good by yourself, awesome!
zakfar Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Good to see that you are back. Congrats! Now get up and move on to your goals. Wish you good luck! Zakfar.
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