lolo1234 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 So let's say you've gotten to know someone briefly over a 2 week time span let's say. And you basically have come to realize they're not your type. Do you tell them straight out? Avoid them ? Slowly back off ? I'm taking a poll of sorts because I always think that I could be more assertive and yet I don't want to hurt antibes feelings or piss them off becadu I rly just don't want to deal with them anymore. Kwim?
zengirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 If it's a short term relationship without any real commitment, I just tell them straightaway how I feel and am very firm in my rejection (as kindly as I can, but being 100% clear that it's never going to happen is important, as people cling to hope). If it's a long term relationship, I've always 'fought it out' first in most cases. To me, getting into a committed relationship with someone and staying in it for months means "I see a future here and I'm going to try what I can to make this work" and also means I don't make unilateral decisions out of the blue, so I would always express my feelings and air the issues. Generally, this either fixes the issue or leads to fights and toxicity, which then leads to the end. I've never just stopped "being into" someone in a longterm relationship; I don't work that way. It's always been new information or an issue that arose.
JasonJJ Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 This is tricky because everyone is a little different. The best advice I have to give: put yourself in the other person's shoes. How would you want to be treated if the situation was reversed and they were not interested in you? How would you want to find out? Of course you'd be a little disappointed no matter what, but what do you think the most respectful way would be? Just follow the golden rule, treat others as you would like to be treated. Good luck!
welikeincrowds Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Of course, man, we all do. That's why it's best to be direct about the right things. "I think we should stop seeing each other. I think you're really great but I don't feel like we're a match." You can go into details if you want, but you don't have to. Rejection is a feeling and she's a big girl, I'm sure she can take it if you give it out honestly, warmly, and firmly.
Cee Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I usually told them via phone call. I explain that I don't see things going further. Their reaction has varied. The worst reaction I got was from a guy who was an obvious liar and a player. He couldn't believe it and kept asking for more explanation. I've been ditched via email mostly with the "no spark" and "best of luck in your search" speech. I'm not a fan of that approach, but it's a clear ending. One guy dumped me at the end of a lunch date. We had been dating 6 weeks. I'm glad I wasn't super flirty that day or I would have been embarrassed. I personally think being direct and not too apologetic is best. Since it wasn't a LTR, I think the phone is fine.
zakfar Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 May be you're not other person's type too. Don't worry, you can go for informing with straight away 'Truth' or start avoiding. You are not hurting anyone. It's about your priorities too. Why should you hurt yourself too? Besides, just because you don't want to hurt the other person, if you don't end this relationship, then with time it will become more painful for both of you. So, better it end it today, rather than later.
Disillusioned Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Easy. I just stop having anything to do with them. Never had to threaten to call the cops on anyone for tresspassing, but I'd do it if they were bothering me. Comedian George Smilovici once said that when his gf told him she didn't want to see him anymore, he just poked her in the eye!
Enchanted Girl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I tell them directly and face to face. I feel like the other ways are cowards way out personally. They won't like the truth, but they deserve to hear it and not be left wondering. And trust me, I've had all kinds of reactions from guys because of it. One said he loved me for the first time after I said it and begged me to stay with him, which was really awkward because I had just broken it off with him. Another called me a fickle bitch.
zengirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I usually told them via phone call. I think for anything less than a month phone is fine. After just a couple dates, I think email or text is fine, but if I had any idea the guy was into me, I gave it a phone call. On a bad first date, I usually just say during/at the end, "It was nice to meet you. Too bad there wasn't a connection --- wasn't really feeling it --- but thanks for blahblahblah (the great game of bowling, meeting me for Pho, whatever we did) and good luck out there." I've had guys freak out at this, but I think it's nicer than waiting till they get up the courage to call for a 2nd date.
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