tausha Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Okay, just wondering if anyone can shed some light on this little drama I am involved in.... A few weeks ago I met this guy and we started dating. We spent all our time togther day, and night,within the first few weeks and had a great time, such a great time that I started to develope feelings for him, and him for me. I was aware that he had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship about 4 months prior to us meeting, but I dont feel like a rebound, as he has been with other women after his ex and before me. His "ex-girlfriend" likes to call alot very late at night, continously. I would tell him to answer and talk to her, but he wouldn't, he'd just let it ring........It bothered me that there were still ill feelings between them, because doesn't that mean they aren't competely over eachother(although he claims they are). He did tell her about me and to not calls so late all the time, which I though was nice and respectful of him. Everything was perfect up until last week, when, he told me over the phone that he had lied to me, and his ex girlfreind was actually his estranged wife! I was in shock, but eventually forgave him for lying to me (as I had asked a few times if they were married). Along with him telling me he was married, he said that when we first met, he was under the impression that I wasn't looking for a relationship, and that I would eventually ditch him because he thought I was just looking for a good time, ect ect....The reason he did tell me about his marraige status was because he finally realized that I do like him (he was insecure about this before) and feelings for eachother were starting to develope, therefore he couldn't lie to me anymore. Well everything has been really weird since he told me this, he is saying that although he thinks I'm amazing, beautiful, and so on, he wants to "hang-out" with me, and wont be with anyone else, but doesn't want to commit because he just got out of a marriage. I can understand this, but as he claims I gave him the impression I wanted to be single (how could he have figured that?), HE, when we first met, gave me the impression that he wanted to be with me. He practically kissed the ground I walked on!All I told him was I wasn't into being in a "comfortable, dreary realtionship that involved nightly movie rentals". Maybe that is all he is use to offering, I dont know? The thing is, he wont commit, and he likes to tell me about the women that hit on him at work, and ask him out. I have also found phone numbers. I am pretty secure in myself, I think I am very attractive, and have never had a problem finding a man so I am not swayed by this, only upset that he would have the nerve to tell me? Is he trying to make me jealous? I've seen the other women he was with before me.................ouch! I dont understand why he takes girls numbers if he claims he's "content with being with me only". Also a week or so ago, I accidently said "i love you" when he was repeatley asking me if I liked him (see, he's insecure). Since then he seems to think that I am inlove with him (i have told him many times i am not), and basically our last phone conversation he insinuated that I would ditch all my freinds and my life to be with him forever, and I want to spend every waking moment with him, ect.... I told him he doesn't even know me if he thinks that, as I am usually the one to ditch the guy for my freinds and social life. I am 22 and he is 29, I really like him, but dont know where this is going, and if I should just cut my losses. He hasn't called in 24 hours, and his remarks about me being a "revengful girl who would probably sleep with 18 guys to get back at him", and "you would be content to just be with me and no one else" have really left a sour taste in my mouth. I feel that he is treating me as if I was his ex-wife, by accusing me of possible actions that he thinks would be of my character, which are totally negative! How do I get him to see me, know me and not project his old marraige on me? I love hanging out with him, I dont love him (should I mayeb tell him that?) Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 This guy sounds like rubbish to me. He is a liar. He didn't tell you he was married. He might be not even separated or divorced. He is rude, whiny, bitchy and full of himself. He is playing games and making you jealous. He is expecting you to be there waiting for him while he flirts with other girls and has a _wife_. He accuses you of being someone you are not, and is practising mind reading on you. pity is, he is also an awful mind reader (see the nasty remarks about you). he is blaming you for changing his attitute towards you. You gave him the impression you you wanted to be single? BS! why waste any more time on such a jerk? how can you still enjoy hanging out with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tausha Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Yeah, he is a jerk. I haven't called him since our "fight" yesterday, and dont plan on it...... It's funny, how he said that the reason he kept the fact that his ex-girlfreind was actually his wife from me was that he was afraid I'd freak out and leave, or become disinterested... Yet, he wasn't planning on having a relationship anyways, assumed I'd leave him regardless after a few fun times. So what was the point in keeping it from me? I mean, we only just met a few weeks ago, but have become attatched in that little time. I can understand his keeping it from me, I mean, he did eventually come clean. I just dont understand why, after his whining about him just "Waiting for me to kick him to the curb", he is saying he's not ready to commit? And I gave him the impression of what I was looking for? I think not! Sorry, just a little pissed, I've gone through like 6-7 guys in the last 12 monthes......getting a little old! Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Why are you still dealing with this loser? He is treating you with no respect and is playing mind games. He lies, he tells you he doesn't want to commit, tells you about other women flirting with him, and just wants to "hang out". He is using you. This is all a bunch of crap. Get away from him, period and kick him as hard as you can to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Sounds like he needs to be kicked to the curb, and then around the block~ Stay away from him, he will only bring you heartache and trouble. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tausha Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Hey, thanks for the reply's Why would he try to maek me jealous if he doesn't want to commit to me anyways? HOw should I dump his ass without me turing out looking like the "Psycho girl" as men always claim women who show alittle emotions are? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Tell him in light of everything that has occurred, you feel it is best if you give him time to get his life straightened out. (You can always tell him that it is your fault, but in this case, I really don't think it is... LOL). Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Well everything has been really weird since he told me this, he is saying that although he thinks I'm amazing, beautiful, and so on, he wants to "hang-out" with me, and wont be with anyone else, but doesn't want to commit because he just got out of a marriage. What part of the bold aren't you understanding? Why would he try to maek me jealous if he doesn't want to commit to me anyways? He's not trying to make you jealous--he's reminding you that he doesn't want to commit. HOw should I dump his ass without me turing out looking like the "Psycho girl" as men always claim women who show alittle emotions are? Nothing more needs to be said. You've only known him for a few weeks. He's told you he doesn't want to commit. It's now your prerogative to move on. Just stop taking his calls and seeing him. Link to post Share on other sites
rvanne77 Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 You should just stop calling and don't return his calls, sounds like something he would do. Or a lot of men I have ran into. Link to post Share on other sites
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