fortyninethousand322 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 No, dude. You're not smiling. At all. I actually just had a guy on a dating site who "smiled" just like you write to me today. He had 16 pictures up, all with your same stoic, emotionless facial expression...holding a big fish he caught, at his M.A. graduation, dancing at a wedding, with his niece at Disneyland, cheers-ing at a bar with friends - all events that should result in some expression of glee!...but there was no smile in ANY of his pictures. What made it almost creepy is the people in his pics looked really, really happy, while he just looked like a mannequin. I asked him if he ever smiles. Like you, he thought he was smiling. That's not a smile. That's the facial expression of an emotionless person. There's not a trace of happiness on your face, or even in your eyes. Women don't want to date someone who comes across as having no emotion. I actually have this happen a lot too. In pictures I do look emotionless sometimes. But that's because I get self conscious when I know someone is taking a picture of me. I can't help it. I smile in real life, just not in photos unless someone takes one without me knowing.
Star Gazer Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I actually have this happen a lot too. In pictures I do look emotionless sometimes. But that's because I get self conscious when I know someone is taking a picture of me. I can't help it. I smile in real life, just not in photos unless someone takes one without me knowing. Fine. But don't use those on a dating site and profess to be fun, happy and outgoing.
DollyGirl12 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Keep the pictures you have but add one with you smiling. There's nothing wrong with your looks. Make a note that you are "in between" jobs. Say something like you'd like to meet a nice women to hang out with and see where things go. That takes the pressure off of the dating part of it. And....if you do happen to meet someone to have a bite or a drink with, keep it happy. Don't talk about not being able to meet girls, or anything like that. You will do just fine!!
oaks Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 What do you think? I don't think you'll get any dates with that profile. Delete all the negative stuff (which is, roughly, everything you wrote). Write something positive. Smile. Then it'll be 100% better. But if you mean it that you're not looking to date then what's the point of creating a profile on a dating site?
Author Ross MwcFan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 No, dude. You're not smiling. At all. I actually just had a guy on a dating site who "smiled" just like you write to me today. He had 16 pictures up, all with your same stoic, emotionless facial expression...holding a big fish he caught, at his M.A. graduation, dancing at a wedding, with his niece at Disneyland, cheers-ing at a bar with friends - all events that should result in some expression of glee!...but there was no smile in ANY of his pictures. What made it almost creepy is the people in his pics looked really, really happy, while he just looked like a mannequin. I asked him if he ever smiles. Like you, he thought he was smiling. That's not a smile. That's the facial expression of an emotionless person. There's not a trace of happiness on your face, or even in your eyes. Women don't want to date someone who comes across as having no emotion. I wonder if this means that I must feel a lot more unhappy in life than most other people? Maybe if I felt a lot more happier in life I would actually look like I'm smiling, when I smile? I'm not really sure what to make of it.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 ... I dunno, maybe I need to smile more then. .....I wouldn't actually have the confidence to go on a date. I forgot to say, I also made the profile to just experience some women being attracted to me. And believe it or not, whenever women take a shine to me online, it's always when I'm feeling sorry for myself or pity whoring (if that's what I'm doing). When I'm not like this and I feel good, women never even seem to notice I'm there. If I smile a lot I feel like I look like a goofball. I will try to smile more, and I've been working on my confidence for a while. ... ..... if a girl contacted me to meet me, especially if it was for an intimate encounter, and she was totally my type (which is most women), having to say no and turn it down would just destroy me, I couldn't take it. I wonder if this means that I must feel a lot more unhappy in life than most other people? Maybe if I felt a lot more happier in life I would actually look like I'm smiling, when I smile? all of the above, makes a complete lie out of this: I am friends with myself. And I have a good opinion of myself. I really think you need to have a good long hard look at your own self-perception and self-esteem. And practice CBT. Really - right now - you need professional help. Sorry Ross, to be so blunt, but you have a problem. And you need to face up to it and address it, and deal with it, like a rhino on a charge....
Author Ross MwcFan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) Here's a pic of me not smiling and just feeling normal, I should look that way, but for some reason I look miserable. I'm not sure why. http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5024/5618506023_32e23c082c_b.jpg Here's a pic of me trying to smile more than what I was in the Plenty Of Fish pictures, is this okay, or do is there still something wrong? http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5145/5618506143_58a42a1db3_b.jpg all of the above, makes a complete lie out of this: I really think you need to have a good long hard look at your own self-perception and self-esteem. And practice CBT. Really - right now - you need professional help. Sorry Ross, to be so blunt, but you have a problem. And you need to face up to it and address it, and deal with it, like a rhino on a charge.... The doctor is against me having anymore therapy. So, it's just my self esteem talking when I think look like a goofball when I fully smile, and in reality I look completely fine and still look attractive? Here's a picture of me doing a full smile (and no, I'm not purposely making myself look awful. This is how I actually look when I fully smile), http://www.flickr.com/photos/40564563@N05/5619092384/sizes/l/in/photostream/ Edited April 14, 2011 by Ross MwcFan
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Ross? You look great. Really, don't you see that? you look 100 times better! 2 questions: One: Why is your doctor against you having more therapy? Why does he have a right to make that choice for you? (ok, that's 2 questions rolled into one, I admit....) You could look into self-help groups. Two: could you by any chance have mild body dysmorphic disorder?
Author Ross MwcFan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Ross? You look great. Really, don't you see that? you look 100 times better! The last pic where I'm doing the full smile? 2 questions: One: Why is your doctor against you having more therapy? Why does he have a right to make that choice for you? (ok, that's 2 questions rolled into one, I admit....) You could look into self-help groups. Two: could you by any chance have mild body dysmorphic disorder? I was seeing a therapist for a long time for CBT with social anxiety, and just because of the fact that I find life hard in general. My sessions ended and I continued to find life very difficult at times. I have asked my doctor about having CBT again, but he said there was no point as you can't keep seeing a therapist forever, and you should be using the techniques that I've learnt to be able to cope. Sometimes it's hard for me to try to adapt a technique for a particular thing though, and plus, it was more the support that I felt I was getting by being able to see someone and talk about my problems with them that seemed to help the most. I have also had to keep changing medications too, because whenever I take a new medication, it either doesn't work, or works at first and then stops working. And the doctor eventually ended up not being that keen on the idea of me always changing medications. So I feel very awkward seeing him again and asking about seeing a therapist for something else, I just feel like I'm annoying him and he's probably feelnig sick of it. Maybe I should see a different doc and ask them. Maybe I do have BDD, dunno really.
yessy21 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=27036918 What do you think? ahhhhhhhhhhh dude... u cannnot! i repeat cannot! put "what is wrong with me?" on ur status. point blank.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 ahhhhhhhhhhh dude... u cannnot! i repeat cannot! put "what is wrong with me?" on ur status. point blank. Just wanted to be able to talk to women about my issue, it feels like it'd make me feel better.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I forgot to add to my post where I was explaining why I made the profile, that I have a really strong desire to 'come out' in real life, yet at the same time I would feel incredibly embarrased. So this is the next best thing, it just feels nice to create greater awareness of my condition, and to put it 'out there'.
Author Ross MwcFan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 You look much better on the smiling pic!! The last pic where I'm fully smiling? Honestly? Do you think I look better in that pic than how I look in both of the pics on my dating profile?
pineapples Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 The last pic where I'm fully smiling? Honestly? Do you think I look better in that pic than how I look in both of the pics on my dating profile? Hoestly, you do look better on the smiling pic.
oaks Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 The last pic where I'm fully smiling? Honestly? Do you think I look better in that pic than how I look in both of the pics on my dating profile? Yes. (minimum length)
Author Ross MwcFan Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Well it's definatley a relief to realise that I may not look really horrible when fully smiling and it might be just how I'm seeing it.
Cracker Jack Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Yeah, man. You look much better when you're smiling.
oaks Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 When I pose for a self portrait I find it feels very false to smile, and then I don't always like the photos. It helps if I think of something happy so that I'm smiling about that happy thought, then it feels more natural to smile and it looks better. Try it and see.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Dude, that profile is awful! Erase it!
Nexus One Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Just a tip. When someone genuinely and beautifully smiles, then his/her eyes smile too. It's a bit hard to explain technically, but people here will know what I mean. So perhaps you should try to smile with your eyes too. And for the love of god, stop putting yourself down. It is one of the most counterproductive things you can do. Just look at the reactions of the women on this forum regarding what you wrote in your profile, but people have been telling you this for I don't know how long, yet you keep doing it, why dude? I know you said this was just a "test" or something and not to get a date, well then you have to adjust the variables in that test. Listen to the advice from people here and really implement it, otherwise you will be working against yourself. Like your doctor said, you actually have to implement the techniques that have been given to you. Seems to me he hit the nail on the head there.
cerridwen Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 The last pic where I'm fully smiling? Honestly? Do you think I look better in that pic than how I look in both of the pics on my dating profile? ROSS! You look sooo different smiling! It is flattering, my man, very, very flattering! You are only to smile from now on. And yes, it's the best of all your pics.
stepka Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Actually I disagree that Ross looks good smiling. Maybe it's just that the pix are awful--taken in bad light I think, but the biggest problem is that your mouth is smiling and your eyes are not. It's still better than the unsmiling ones but weird with the eyes not matching the smile. That said, you are a good looking guy Ross--I just wish I could reach over there and fix your head and your heart. It's probably why you have no success dating women, but keep working on yourself and don't get bitter and I think you'll be fine. But drop the profile--if I was a girl your age and was attracted to your pic and then read the profile I'd be irritated and wouldn't bother to contact you--and I have a pretty big heart, but I've dealt with too many people in my life that just suck up my goodwill but don't progress and it's a waste of my emotional energy so I don't do it anymore.
AshleyFox Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Ross, You can do better. We women tend to place value on a good first impression and men should do the same. Smiling is the least you can do. Why not put up new pictures for us to see? It seems like you don't really know what you want and this could be the reason why you feel like something is missing. I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions. Ashley
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