ilovedhim Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 My bf and I had a fight over the weekend and broke up. He said some nasty things to me and accused me of seeing someone else. To top it off threatened to leave me. Finally I was so fed up at him screaming at me I told him we need to break up, no more contact. He hung up on me and sent me even nastier sms basically telling me to eff off, never contact him again or apologize because he was not going to respond. He said I was full of sh*t, to go have fun with my new d*ck and that he wasted his time trying to see a two-timer. I am not seeing anyone else but I did mention to him that one of my new guy friends- who was previously interested in me- are not dating. We're just friends. And I told him he treats me better than my bf does. He got so upset although it's the truth. Now I'm doing no contact, didn't reply to his texts because they were harsh, cruel and I felt I'd be disrespecting myself by replying. Am I right by doing this? No contact is hell.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 yes. You are doing the right thing. His reaction was abusive, bullying and controlling. With friends like him, who needs enemies? Why is NC hell, when hell was yelling at you?
Author ilovedhim Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) yes. You are doing the right thing. His reaction was abusive, bullying and controlling. With friends like him, who needs enemies? Why is NC hell, when hell was yelling at you? Because I feel like I might have given up too quickly. He didn't even give me a chance to explain or say anything. Maybe he is abusive. It hasn't even been a year yet but we've had so many fights mostly with him losing his temper. Edited April 13, 2011 by ilovedhim
collegeguy_24 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I would like to request more information. You told your now ex that your new guy friend, who was interested in you, that he treated you better then your ex did? I can see why he would be angry at that, and easily come to the conclusion your cheating. But what else happened? What led to the yelling? What did you and he say in the beginning after you told him that statement that led to such a violent verbal confrontation?
Author ilovedhim Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I would like to request more information. You told your now ex that your new guy friend, who was interested in you, that he treated you better then your ex did? I can see why he would be angry at that, and easily come to the conclusion your cheating. But what else happened? What led to the yelling? What did you and he say in the beginning after you told him that statement that led to such a violent verbal confrontation? Hi collegeguy, I promise that's all that went down. He also mentioned that he felt I've been avoiding him but I've been reaally busy with work lately. This is why I'm thinking maybe he just caused this blowup so he can breakup with me. This is not the first time he's blown up at me like this. He also smokes a joint everyday, isn't that supposed to mellow him? Don't know what to do.
collegeguy_24 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Well dumping him seemed like a good idea. The whole joint thing should of been cause enough to dump his rear in my opinion. As for him thinking you were avoiding, again, I am only speaking from my experience, but sometimes its easy to think someone is avoiding them, of they don't see them. Thats what happened to me between me and the first ex two years ago, she would avoid seeing and talking with me, and I suspected something was going on. I was right because she was cheating on me. So as you can see him suspecting something can be pretty easy, especially if he was cheated on in the past. However, that does not, by any means, justifying the yelling and screaming. Without knowing his side of the story we are left with figuring things out from your side. In the end though, I'd say dumping him was the best idea, for a few reasons. Now you just maintain NC, and try to live your life, go to work, class if your in school, hang out with friends, watch Tv, etc. I highly suggest friends, as they can be a great emotional support.
Author ilovedhim Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 thanks for the reply collegeguy. I was planing on writing to him just to confirm I wasnt cheating but don't even think its worth it now. will maintain nc and if he contacts me ill be back here
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Doing pot can cause paranoia, hysteria, erratic temperament and extreme behaviour. In a person already vulnerable and with a see-saw (That's teeter-totter to Americans) temperament, this can prove devastating in effect. Anyone who does drugs - in whatever form, and however much they believe they've got it under control - is out on their ass as far as I'm concerned.
Author ilovedhim Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Doing pot can cause paranoia, hysteria, erratic temperament and extreme behaviour. In a person already vulnerable and with a see-saw (That's teeter-totter to Americans) temperament, this can prove devastating in effect. Anyone who does drugs - in whatever form, and however much they believe they've got it under control - is out on their ass as far as I'm concerned. Previously Ive never imagined myself with a smoker, ever, since im a runner i hated that he smoked around me. Now i feel bad for him. He's been smoking cigs and pot since his teens. Also, he tells me he suffers from depression. In our relationship there were times when i didn't hear from him for a week. last night i cried myself to sleep. but i do know that breaking up with him was the best thing for me but what about him? he has no close friends really.
is2008 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm going to throw something completely different into the mix unfortunately. From a guy's perspective, you're telling your bf that a guy that previously liked you is single, and to top it off, you told him that this other guy treats you better than your bf does. That's provocation IMO. I'm putting myself in his shoes, and I'd not like to hear that from my girlfriend at all. If you're unhappy in the relationship, leave. Don't say or do things that'll clearly p*** the other person off. Sorry, but I think you're in the wrong. Reassurance is what was needed here, not inflaming the situation.
silvermane187 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm going to throw something completely different into the mix unfortunately. From a guy's perspective, you're telling your bf that a guy that previously liked you is single, and to top it off, you told him that this other guy treats you better than your bf does. That's provocation IMO. I'm putting myself in his shoes, and I'd not like to hear that from my girlfriend at all. If you're unhappy in the relationship, leave. Don't say or do things that'll clearly p*** the other person off. Sorry, but I think you're in the wrong. Reassurance is what was needed here, not inflaming the situation. Sorry to say but I completely agree. There may but other factors, but being friends with a single guy that is interested in you is just asking for trouble. If you really loved your bf and cared about him you would have cut the friend off.
Author ilovedhim Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I'm going to throw something completely different into the mix unfortunately. From a guy's perspective, you're telling your bf that a guy that previously liked you is single, and to top it off, you told him that this other guy treats you better than your bf does. That's provocation IMO. I'm putting myself in his shoes, and I'd not like to hear that from my girlfriend at all. If you're unhappy in the relationship, leave. Don't say or do things that'll clearly p*** the other person off. Sorry, but I think you're in the wrong. Reassurance is what was needed here, not inflaming the situation. i wish i never said that to him. but he has been treating me badly lately. maybe i shouldve asked him what was bothering him instead. he so hot and cold, like a see-saw. sometimes i just feel like he's using me.
Author ilovedhim Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 ok. maybe i will write him an email explaining what i meant. but will keep nc. i don't want to get back into the relationship because he's not good for me. also, is it excessive to block his calls/texts on my phone? i hate that waiting if it's him calling. he's already blocked on my facebook.
silvermane187 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Your best off not writing him anything. Theres a good chance he'll just lash out at you again, I know I probably would if I was in his shoes. Block his phone if it makes you feel better. There is no such thing as excessive NC.
Author ilovedhim Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 At this point I just want to hear his voice. we had plans for tomorrow night but im going out with friends instead. this will be the first time I go out without seeing him. and his birthday is soon. im so depressed. do you think hes waiting for me to contact him? is it too soon to date someone else? I wouldnt want to hurt anyone but really need the distraction.
collegeguy_24 Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 I think it is way to soon for you to date, way to soon. Instead you should focus on yourself and your life, get them together, and after some time then dating would be a good idea as it allows you to clear yourself of thoughts of the ex.
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