bonine Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Hello again everyone! Thank you for once again reading my stress induced rants. So, as I have already posted about my issue if people are interested, but the summary is I am currently on a "break" with my girlfriend..she has asked until the end of April to come to some choice about the relationship...I have been going the route of NC as everyone has said, I have not called her, texted her, emailed her nada...Historically we have talked a lot in gchat... I go on gchat everyday at work to communicate with coworkers, friends and of course her...however for the last 5 days she signs on and then instantly goes invisible, to act as if she has signed off...I have used gchat enough to know she really isn't singing off...she is just lurking on invisible...she has been doing this for the last few days.. My question to you all is why is she doing this, pretending to be offline? I know it isn't because she thinks I am going to contact her because I have made no past attempt to...I also know it isn't because she is busy...I really am at a loss from this and to be frank it sort of hurts...I really don't understand her motive... We had a small break a few months ago, 3 days, but she was on gchat like she always is...Anyway I really appreciate your input!! Thanks so much!
Irishlove Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Hello again everyone! Thank you for once again reading my stress induced rants. So, as I have already posted about my issue if people are interested, but the summary is I am currently on a "break" with my girlfriend..she has asked until the end of April to come to some choice about the relationship...I have been going the route of NC as everyone has said, I have not called her, texted her, emailed her nada...Historically we have talked a lot in gchat... I go on gchat everyday at work to communicate with coworkers, friends and of course her...however for the last 5 days she signs on and then instantly goes invisible, to act as if she has signed off...I have used gchat enough to know she really isn't singing off...she is just lurking on invisible...she has been doing this for the last few days.. My question to you all is why is she doing this, pretending to be offline? I know it isn't because she thinks I am going to contact her because I have made no past attempt to...I also know it isn't because she is busy...I really am at a loss from this and to be frank it sort of hurts...I really don't understand her motive... We had a small break a few months ago, 3 days, but she was on gchat like she always is...Anyway I really appreciate your input!! Thanks so much! She's blowing you off. She wants you to know she is there but isn't going to talk to you and doesn't want you to talk to her. She's just playing a game. She may have a guy she is talking to on there now. Just a hunch.
Jerrica Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Sorry, I don't really have an answer for you....but from my experience my ex deleted me off facebook after he broke up with me, we used to chat using the IM. He said it was to make it easier for me so I wouldn't have to see him online all the time. So that could be it.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 You're on a break, which essentially means you've broken up. At least, i think this is what she's thinking. She doesn't want to talk to you, she doesn't want you to communicate with her, and she doesn't want to have anything to do with connecting with you. ignore, and continue with NC. I would - if I were you - consider this relationship over and done with. if you broke up, it's because something between you two wasn't working. And unless you both commit 100% to being responsible for the relationship and its maintenance - then it's never going to work. I would stop focussing on "why is she....?" And focus on "Why should I really give a fat flying elbow?"
Mcnulty Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Sounds like she's avoiding you, which isn't a good sign. Carry on rebuilding your life and stick with the NC. if she wants to come back, she will. Good luck.
Author bonine Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Thank you all for the input! I am just confused as to her motivations...why would she be avoiding me? She is the one who wanted the break and I agreed and vanished...But why use invisible when she could just block me?? I should really look at it as a sign things are over...I know if the situation was reversed I would likely do the same...it all just seems very juvenile to me.
1784 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 When you get right down to it, Facebook, Gchat, etc. These are not big things. You could easily delete someone from Facebook and then get back together with them. I don't put a whole lot of stock in the IMPACT of such mediums. When my ex and I broke up I deleted her from all of these things. But it wasn't to hurt her. It was to protect me. I didn't like signing into MSN Messenger and seeing her come online or sign out. It was nothing personal. It was just easier for me to pretend she wasn't there. So I deleted her. You're on a break. She probably doesn't want constant reminders of you EVERY day. Obviously there is some reason why you're on break. This is one of the things that comes with the territory. You're better off being a ghost anyway. If she's gonna miss you it'll be easier for her to do that if you completely disappear instead of being there in different ways. Don't do anything. See where it goes, stay NC and live your life. But don't take it personally. This is something she is probably doing for her. It's not a reflection of you.
nana841121 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 You are confused , so is she. People can't be certain about their behaviors all the time. especially when the emotion got you, that's why there is a term named "hindsight" My opinion is sort different from other posts, i think she wants to talk to you but the ego didn't allow her to do that, especially she was the dumper, she stays invisible, so she can see whether you logged onto or not, which gives her a sense of your daily life. Once again, it's just my assumption based on my own experience.
Author bonine Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I think what causes me anxiety is that I can't really logic through what it means..if she really didn't want to talk to me...she would just block me...I have had many past girlfriends do this. Signing on and going invisible just makes no sense to me...I mean I was the one who suggest we not talk during the break...going invisible is actually limiting her if someone wants to message her..a coworker who has a question, etc..I just can't make sense of it!
1784 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I think you're over-analyzing something that you may just not get an answer to. The only REAL way to find out is to ask her why. If that's something that you don't want to do (which I think you should not do at this juncture) then you're going to have to let it go. we could sit here all day, every day and hypothesize why she's doing what she's doing. But that's all it would be - hypothesizing. Just let it go. You'll save yourself a lot of time and energy.
Author bonine Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I know I am likely over-analyzing the situation...it is just very anxiety provoking. I would rather her not play this sort of game. I suppose what I was asking for is some guided advice from the forum as to why she might be doing this...
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 It. Doesn't. Matter. Trying to second-guess the motives and reasoning of another person, is like trying to harness a cloud. Pretty pointless and damn impossible. you never can second-guess, and you never can ask them to rationalise and explain because chances are they'll either give you a complete hogwash, or give you three different reasons, three days running. Heck, half the time, they're not sure themselves. And if they are - if they 100% know exactly what they're doing and why - you really think they'll tell you? Hell no, they don't want to be that transparent and vulnerable! Your own focus should be in dealing with what you do. And we've told you what to do. so the best advice we can give you, is here. go to it. It will save so much stress and anxiety in the long run. Trust us.....
Author bonine Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 You are right..I know it is futile to dwell on this but most of us know how hard it can be to brush these things off..It is such a deliberate action, however, that I can't seem to get it off my mind.
2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 You shouldn't care what she thinks or is doing, this is about you and moving on. If one person could successfully work out what the ex is thinking then they would be a multi-billionaire overnight. Stop fretting about her and also try and disappear from her life, she is going to think you are a wuss if you keep "bumping" into her. She will respect you more if you leave her alone and are not perturbed by her actions. 2011
Author bonine Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 It is just a tricky, stress inducing situation...we have recently had the best times we have had together and seemingly out of nowhere she starts venting at me about the little things I do..and I mean little...we have a talk in person and I tell her flat out do you want to break up or work on the relationship...I have never seen a more confused look on a person's face before, she really did not have an answer and said she was conflicted and feels both ways...says to give her three weeks to reflect...says we can still chat but I say no no not a good idea...it was cordial, she rubbed my back, we held each other...she cried...and I go NC...then this gmail thing, I don't know why it bugs me so much, I have been well with NC and will NOT break it until she makes the first contact...but her signing on..seeing me online and going invisible is just strange...Sorry for my rant everyone, just nice to able to get it off my chest!!
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 If stress is being induced, then get this: - you're the one inducing it, not her. You bring this upon yourself. The best cure is to de-stress. Not go in for more distress.
Mcnulty Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Right, if I was online and saw you and i went "invisible", it would be because i was a coward and haven't got the guts to face you and say it was over, but i wouldn't block you as I would view you as a safety net for my immediate future...there you go.
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