arbrne_vet Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 so i have been talking to my "fiance" who no longer wears my ring, and she tells me i am controlling. she is very busy, and since october, has not had time for me. i try to talk to her about this, and i get all kinds of crap thrown in my face, mostly, that I don't like what's going on. and i don't! all i ask is for a little of her time, and she goes off on me that i am controlling. all i hear is how controlling i am. i have done everything in the world for her. fix things when they go wrong, help her with everything she needs help with. i don't ask for anything in return, and all i hear is controlling. i am about ready to throw in the towel. i have never been with someone so narrow minded, and unforgiving in all my life. she will absolutely do nothing on her end to make this relationship work. when i tell what i want, the i am controlling. i have helped her with soooo much, and have gotten nothing in return. i am trying so hard to work on this, and all i get is anger and frustration from her.
rhonian Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Sounds to me like she has checked out of the relationship? Can you think/give some examples of what she thinks is so controlling on your part?
Mcnulty Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 You only get out of a relationship what you put in...effort. She is not putting anything into it, so yes, I'm afraid it does sound like she has checked out. Ask her outright if she wants a relationship, then you will have your answer.
Author arbrne_vet Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 all she says is i am controlling. we were broke up back in october, and i proposed to her because i really wanted to marry her. it was fine for about two weeks, then she shut down. got cold got distant. and all she kept saying was she was ready to leave me forever, and she needed time to get to a place where we could work on the relationship. then a couple weeks went by, and i tried to talk to her, and it turned into a fight, and again, she said she needed time, and i should be happy just for her presence. then found out she was texting some guy, and conftronted her with that. she said some nice guy she met when we were broke up. well, she stopped that, i think. i did everything she wanted me to. we don't have "us" time anymore, have not been intimate in several weeks. i tried to talk to her and say we both need to discuss this and talk about what we each are going to do to make this work. she once again threw in the "i need time". i has been horrible for 6 months, absolutly horrible. we have been "friends" and that is all. everything i try to discuss this, then she goes psyco, and i am controlling, and a drama queeen. so i backed off. i backed waaay off. i put as much effort into this as she did, nothing. then a couple days ago she went off on me saying i have not been doing anything to make this work. i replied that i was puting the same amount as she is, nothing. then came the controlling thing again. if i leave her alone, she gets pissed because i am not doing anything, if i try to discuss wanting a smidgen of her, i am controlling. i am loosing my mind.
Author arbrne_vet Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 to mcnulty, i have asked what she wants, her answer is "i don't know" yet she sticks around, and gets really pissed when i want to end it.
Irishlove Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Get your ring back and find someone else. If you are controlling I suggest you find counseling because that is a serious issue.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Don't you see you're playing into her game? You're playing yo-yo with her, because she's playing yo-yo with you. so....? So, just end it. Go No Contact and end the matter here and now. if you make a decision, now, I hardly see that she can argue with it. Ask for your ring back, and walk away. And MAKE SURE YOU MEAN IT 100%. Sorted.
rhonian Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 AV, listen to the others. She is hanging on by a string. Probably until she finds something more secure. Dont play mind games with yourself, the "What if's...." Reverse it on her and pull away without her realizing you are doing it, hopefully, if you really love and want this relationship she will "see the light' and understand you are good for her and be drawn back to you. Otherwise, she is already at the point of no return. You need answers so force the questions.
Hopeless Girl Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 change ur controlling ways then... and if ur not controlling then shes crazy
Hopeless Girl Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Get your ring back and find someone else. If you are controlling I suggest you find counseling because that is a serious issue. AGREE!! ... been there havent done that
Hopeless Girl Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 so how do i pull away? it's soooo easy and simple... dont contact her
Author arbrne_vet Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 so then what do i say when she gets upset because i no longer contact her? what do i do then?
Irishlove Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 so how do i pull away? Sit down and talk with her and tell her you would like the ring back because you are going to go and work on yourself and you need to take sometime and if you give her back the ring it will be because you are a changed person. Then seriously go talk to someone about being controlling it comes from somewhere.
Author arbrne_vet Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 i'm not controlling i am loosing my mind! i can't make any headway with her. i asked her if she could meet me for lunch, and she sent me a text and said she could not, she was going to the chiro. i was just on the phone with her, and she said she had to go, she was at the chiro. is said i thought you had to go at lunch. and she said no i did not. i told her she sent me a text and she yelled at me and said i did not and hung up. i forwarded her the text that she sent me, and her response was she did not tell me a time she was going, and this is what she hates about me. then she jumps on me and tells me i am controlling???? i am just trying to figure out what the heck is even going on.
TaraMaiden Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 You're either controlling or neurotic. You have to stop trying to second-guess her and catch her out all the time. In fact, you just have to stop being in touch with her, period..... Cut off all contact and get a grip on yourself. You don't live for her - and she certainly doesn't live for you. You should not be dependent on anyone else for mental clarity, peace of mind, or serenity. That's your job, no-one else's. so quit poking your eyes out with needles, and passing razor-wire up one nostril and down the other, like nasal floss.... Just Quit contact. It really is that easy.
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