Cheating

[Foxmask]

I am at a point where I am looking for a partner to be physical with. I am married and I have a great life otherwise. The Problem being is my wife has no sex what so ever. This have been a constant battle every since the beginning of our relationship. Granted I have very much increased in appetite since then but I have waited long enough. Every time I talk about it to my friends, they make tons of excuses for her and tell me I need to talk about it.. blah blah. Every time I bring up counciling she gets very angry and we fight. SO, some how in all this I end up being the bad person. I think that somewhere along the line she gave up. I think marriage is a trick. You are suppose to stay faithful not divorce.. but you are the bad person when you needs aren't being met. I have met people that complain that partner wants too much all the time. Isn't why you got married.. so you can be free and share yourself with your partner and not clam up after the ring gets installed.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I am at a point where I am looking for a partner to be physical with. I am married and I have a great life otherwise. The Problem being is my wife has no sex what so ever. This have been a constant battle every since the beginning of our relationship. Granted I have very much increased in appetite since then but I have waited long enough. Every time I talk about it to my friends, they make tons of excuses for her and tell me I need to talk about it.. blah blah. Every time I bring up counciling she gets very angry and we fight. SO, some how in all this I end up being the bad person. I think that somewhere along the line she gave up. I think marriage is a trick. You are suppose to stay faithful not divorce.. but you are the bad person when you needs aren't being met. I have met people that complain that partner wants too much all the time. Isn't why you got married.. so you can be free and share yourself with your partner and not clam up after the ring gets installed.

 

I understand that being in a sex-deprived marriage must be frustrating and downright painful. But if you are seriously considering having sex outside the marriage, then it's time to leave the marriage.

 

Sit down with your wife and explain that this lack of intimacy is driving a serious wedge between you and that you are contemplating separation from her.

 

You mentioned that this has been a problem since the start of your relationship. Why did you marry her then? You say you're not supposed to "clam up once you get the ring" but it sounds like she has always been this way. She didn't trick you with frequent sex in the beginning only to lock you into a sexless marriage. All the cards were on the table and you made a choice to get married. If it's not working out, make a choice to end it.

[Foxmask]

okay to be honest things did improve in the marriage for a bit. Again, to be fair I wasn't that "hot" about it either. But something snapped inside me and my drive was turned on. We made agreements and she broke them. we agreed that we would have sex at least twice a week.. when things premeditate but.. nothing.

 

I love her too death .. it's painful having to think of divorce.

[kiss_andmakeup]

okay to be honest things did improve in the marriage for a bit. Again, to be fair I wasn't that "hot" about it either. But something snapped inside me and my drive was turned on. We made agreements and she broke them. we agreed that we would have sex at least twice a week.. when things premeditate but.. nothing.

 

I love her too death .. it's painful having to think of divorce.

 

If you love her it should be equally painful to think of breaking her heart by cheating on her.

 

Just think of the look on her face and the conversation you'd have to have with her if she found out. That would be painful.

 

What's less fair: the fact that she now can't match your newfound desire, or the fact that she entered a relationship with you thinking you had a low sex drive (which was probably a strong point of compatibility to her) and then woke up one day with you demanding an "agreement" about the minimum amount of sex to have because you were suddenly so horny?

 

It sounds like you're the one that pulled the bait-n-switch.

 

Look, I could never be in a sexless relationship (I am an every day type of girl), so I sympathize with you. It's hard for me to put myself in your wife's shoes but I imagine that she considered your low sex drive to be unique amongst other men and compatible with her own low sex drive. Now that you've "changed" you two are no longer compatible. I know it hurts to think that way, but it's most likely the truth.

Edited April 13, 2011 by kiss_andmakeup

[imagine]

Bud, you can't plan a sex life. Foreplay takes all day, first meet her emotional need -then watch out.

 

I recommend that you buy a good book on seduction. I also recommend Askmen.com columns.

 

Keep us posted.

[Woman In Blue]

This have been a constant battle every since the beginning of our relationship.

First of all, stop changing your story. One minute you're claiming this has ALWAYS been a problem - right from the START - and then further down in your post, you claim, "somewhere along the line, she gave up."

 

So which is it????

 

If it was a problem right from the START like you say, then you were an idiot to marry her. YOU own that. You knew what you were getting in the marriage lottery, so don't play 'victim' now.

 

Granted I have very much increased in appetite since then but I have waited long enough.

So just because your appetitie has increased, that's HER fault, too?

 

You're not the "bad person" for wanting sex and being frustrated about not getting it. That doesn't make you "bad" at all - you're totally justified in feeling frustrated and deprived, especially if she refuses to try to find a workable solution to the problem. I agree that this is totally unfair to you.

 

And please STOP with that nonsense, "marriage is a trick!" - as though getting some guy to marry us is some kind of feather in our collective womanly caps. It's not. For most women, a husband just represents a WHOLE lot of work and very little recriprocation for it. So get over yourself.

 

Isn't why you got married.. so you can be free and share yourself with your partner and not clam up after the ring gets installed.

What an ignorant statement. Yes, we ALL marry JUST so we can spend the rest of our lives in a sexual frenzy, existing ONLY to please our partners sexually - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. [Note to self] yet ANOTHER reason never to marry again.

 

So which is it - the wedding ring stopped the sex or it's ALWAYS been a problem? Make up my mind.

 

Lastly, don't tell me you're yet another one of those religious nuts who thinks divorce is such a "sin" but you think NOTHING of dipping your wick in whoever will have you? Talk about a freakin' hypocrite.

[Foxmask]

Totally right. I read what I wrote and I sounded like a tool. Perhaps it's more my fault than I am willing to admit. Thank you for the truth. I appreciate it, I really do. I need to take a hard look at what I want and go from there. I want you all also to know that I haven't cheated. and I will make sure to not too.

 

 

 

again.. thank you.

[jacktores69]

Well, let me tell you this. This happenned to me and my wife wasnt giving me any sex for a while. Till I found out that she as cheating on me with my so called friend in our church for 6 months. (1)If she isn't giving it to you then, she is giving it to someoen else. (2) if she is getting mad really easily more than before over somethig that is really small and leaves the hosue? thats annother one (3) if she is staying out all night and making excuses where she has been (4) not making eye contact (5) may look at you but, looks are very evil like (5) taking off without telling where she's going or coming back (6) telling you that she dont need to tell you where she's been (7) arguing for no reason (8) making you sleep on the couch (10) telling you that she is getting a hotel to sleep becasue she is scared of you. See, where Im going with this??? these are all signs of cheating and they will be strong to. All this happenned to me so I know what to expect and to tell people what to look for. But, Before you accuse her better get some evidence that she is cheating. Go to Webwatcher.com or any other monitoring software and get access to her somputer and install it in there and then, you can monitor it yourself. But, beware, you may find out what you've been suspecting. Let me tell you somethig to, you may find out she is doing more that cheating to, it may make you sick to your stomach and you may want to do something illegal so do this at your own risk ok? I did it and hell froze over quick and I got SO ANGRY that I almost lost it. You have to keep your cool about it to once you find out that she is cheating and not do anything stupid or dangerous. Get plenty of evidence to, let it build up if you have to then, pop the question. Make copies of it just incase she get ahold of it and gets rid of it. let me know what you find, hopefully its nothing but, you never know with these women, they are very selfish and stupid. So, be very careful ok? good luck.

 

 

 

 

I am at a point where I am looking for a partner to be physical with. I am married and I have a great life otherwise. The Problem being is my wife has no sex what so ever. This have been a constant battle every since the beginning of our relationship. Granted I have very much increased in appetite since then but I have waited long enough. Every time I talk about it to my friends, they make tons of excuses for her and tell me I need to talk about it.. blah blah. Every time I bring up counciling she gets very angry and we fight. SO, some how in all this I end up being the bad person. I think that somewhere along the line she gave up. I think marriage is a trick. You are suppose to stay faithful not divorce.. but you are the bad person when you needs aren't being met. I have met people that complain that partner wants too much all the time. Isn't why you got married.. so you can be free and share yourself with your partner and not clam up after the ring gets installed.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, let me tell you this. This happenned to me and my wife wasnt giving me any sex for a while. Till I found out that she as cheating on me with my so called friend in our church for 6 months. (1)If she isn't giving it to you then, she is giving it to someoen else. (2) if she is getting mad really easily more than before over somethig that is really small and leaves the hosue? thats annother one (3) if she is staying out all night and making excuses where she has been (4) not making eye contact (5) may look at you but, looks are very evil like (5) taking off without telling where she's going or coming back (6) telling you that she dont need to tell you where she's been (7) arguing for no reason (8) making you sleep on the couch (10) telling you that she is getting a hotel to sleep becasue she is scared of you. See, where Im going with this??? these are all signs of cheating and they will be strong to. All this happenned to me so I know what to expect and to tell people what to look for. But, Before you accuse her better get some evidence that she is cheating. Go to Webwatcher.com or any other monitoring software and get access to her somputer and install it in there and then, you can monitor it yourself. But, beware, you may find out what you've been suspecting. Let me tell you somethig to, you may find out she is doing more that cheating to, it may make you sick to your stomach and you may want to do something illegal so do this at your own risk ok? I did it and hell froze over quick and I got SO ANGRY that I almost lost it. You have to keep your cool about it to once you find out that she is cheating and not do anything stupid or dangerous. Get plenty of evidence to, let it build up if you have to then, pop the question. Make copies of it just incase she get ahold of it and gets rid of it. let me know what you find, hopefully its nothing but, you never know with these women, they are very selfish and stupid. So, be very careful ok? good luck.

 

You missed (9)

[jacktores69]

your right on one aspect but DONT say we men are alot of work. we support you women and all we get is bitching, moaning and complaining. I can only say for my situation. Maybe you are one of the good women out there that appriciates a good guy.

I caught my wife cheating on me with a guy in my church and I forgave her. Why?? because I have two kids and want them to grow up with a mother and father. So, I agree its on me for taking her back. Now days, I let have it when ever she pisses me off. I do throw it in her face that she cheated on me to, why?? becasue if it was me she would throw it in my face whever she gets a chance becasue thats how wome are. Its ok for them to do somethig but, when we do it its a problem. I cant get over what she did to me and this family. Everytime I look at her I think about him screwing her, make's me MAD. I dont know if Ill ever get over this but, I want my kids to have both parents, its for them. Im one of the good guys that got screwed over.

 

 

 

First of all, stop changing your story. One minute you're claiming this has ALWAYS been a problem - right from the START - and then further down in your post, you claim, "somewhere along the line, she gave up."

 

So which is it????

 

If it was a problem right from the START like you say, then you were an idiot to marry her. YOU own that. You knew what you were getting in the marriage lottery, so don't play 'victim' now.

 

 

So just because your appetitie has increased, that's HER fault, too?

 

You're not the "bad person" for wanting sex and being frustrated about not getting it. That doesn't make you "bad" at all - you're totally justified in feeling frustrated and deprived, especially if she refuses to try to find a workable solution to the problem. I agree that this is totally unfair to you.

 

And please STOP with that nonsense, "marriage is a trick!" - as though getting some guy to marry us is some kind of feather in our collective womanly caps. It's not. For most women, a husband just represents a WHOLE lot of work and very little recriprocation for it. So get over yourself.

 

 

What an ignorant statement. Yes, we ALL marry JUST so we can spend the rest of our lives in a sexual frenzy, existing ONLY to please our partners sexually - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. [Note to self] yet ANOTHER reason never to marry again.

 

So which is it - the wedding ring stopped the sex or it's ALWAYS been a problem? Make up my mind.

 

Lastly, don't tell me you're yet another one of those religious nuts who thinks divorce is such a "sin" but you think NOTHING of dipping your wick in whoever will have you? Talk about a freakin' hypocrite.

[dreamingoftigers]

your right on one aspect but DONT say we men are alot of work. we support you women and all we get is bitching, moaning and complaining. I can only say for my situation. Maybe you are one of the good women out there that appriciates a good guy.

I caught my wife cheating on me with a guy in my church and I forgave her. Why?? because I have two kids and want them to grow up with a mother and father. So, I agree its on me for taking her back. Now days, I let have it when ever she pisses me off. I do throw it in her face that she cheated on me to, why?? becasue if it was me she would throw it in my face whever she gets a chance becasue thats how wome are. Its ok for them to do somethig but, when we do it its a problem. I cant get over what she did to me and this family. Everytime I look at her I think about him screwing her, make's me MAD. I dont know if Ill ever get over this but, I want my kids to have both parents, its for them. Im one of the good guys that got screwed over.

 

Dude, that is some unhealthy ****.

 

And when your camp supports my ass, I'll take you seriously.

[Chi townD]

Sometimes when things get this bad, it usually takes a slap in the face to wake them up (and I don't mean literally). You have to sit her down and tell her. Look, my physical needs aren't getting met, I am not happy. We need to see someone to fix this or else I have to leave because I don't want to cheat on you and then get my needs met somewhere else. See, that's why you always see threads on here from people that got cheated on and they usually say, I never knew that he/she was unhappy. I never knew that there was a problem in our relationship. It's because they never have these slap in the face conversations.

[Memphis Raines]

I love her too death .. it's painful having to think of divorce.

 

but you are looking to cheat on her, you don't make sense

[Foxmask]

did you read the whole string? apparently not. First of all if I made logical sense I wouldn't be posting my intentions to cheat on my wife on a message board.

 

Not to mention the post right before the one you made was me accepting that I am not making sense and trying to make amends for my lack of thinking.

 

 

LET ME BE CLEAR. I was reacting to this situation in a very emotional selfish manner. and I have said I am sorry.

 

So, let me say it again.. I am sorry for wanting to cheat. I have decided to have the divorce conversation with my wife, which is still continuing.

[Flgirl44]

did you read the whole string? apparently not. First of all if I made logical sense I wouldn't be posting my intentions to cheat on my wife on a message board.

 

Not to mention the post right before the one you made was me accepting that I am not making sense and trying to make amends for my lack of thinking.

 

 

LET ME BE CLEAR. I was reacting to this situation in a very emotional selfish manner. and I have said I am sorry.

 

So, let me say it again.. I am sorry for wanting to cheat. I have decided to have the divorce conversation with my wife, which is still continuing.

 

I think the divorce talk would be the best bet. Good luck!

[NeverendingJourney]

You sound like you're on the right track now. Cheating is never the answer and it's beneath you. It says more about YOU as a person and your character. The reasons you were "driven" to cheat are just excuses.

 

Talk to her. Let her know that a sexless marriage is not an option. Either get to counseling and try to work it out, or move towards divorce. At this stage, I'd take the latter.

 

But never lower yourself to be one of the scum of the earth by cheating. Maintain your integrity regardless of your circumstance.

[Nubcakes]

Maybe you should give her the divorce talk, and see if she's willing to try and make things better.

 

A lot of people are screaming for divorce, it would seem, but marriage is supposed to be something you share with someone, and it's supposed to be for good or for bad (sorry to be cliche)... if I were you, I think divorce would be the last option, after every other option has been exhausted.

 

You married her for a reason, or many reasons. Because you loved her enough to want to share your life with her. Don't be too hasty in forgetting that, and things might just work out.

 

Just think about it.. if you beat a hasty retreat, you'll always wonder if you made the wrong decision. If you try to work things out, maybe they WILL work out, if they don't, at least you can say you gave it a valiant effort and you know you're not supposed to be together. You won't wonder if you made a mistake.

[Memphis Raines]

So, let me say it again.. I am sorry for wanting to cheat. I have decided to have the divorce conversation with my wife, which is still continuing.

 

well thats good. because she may have a few demands or concerns of her own to bring up.