What would you do?

[Alixinwonderland]

I tend to make stories, longer and more drawn out than necessary. So I'll try to give the shortened version. Basically I am in need of some dire relationship advice.

 

I have been with the same guy for just about 3 years now. We have had our share of up's and down's throughout our relationship; whether it be related specifically to our relationship or not. I love him very much and would do anything for him. The feelings are mutual. There is one giant gorilla that shows up in the room from time to time. It always makes me reavaluate our relationship.

We're very exclusive and have been very serious for quite some time. Marriage is an often topic, as is our future (I'm talking 10 yrs down the road kind of talks). The gorilla that I'm speaking of though, tends to intimidate me when it starts showing up.

The fact of the matter is; My boyfriend has a major issue with control. He has gotten better about the matter, as we have had several discussions on the issue. He used to tell me what to wear (he still gets upset when something is too short, too tight, or too low). Now I'm all for Men that are concerned, but he makes me feel like I'm in Highschool again and my FATHER is speaking to me about my attire. UNACCEPTABLE.

My boyfriend is not just controlling about my wardrobe; but he's also controlling about friends, and my extra curricular activities.

He is the reason that I am just now contacting some old friends. Not that he was happy about these attempts at reuniting myself with them.

Mostly one woman in particular. My (past tense) "best-friend". When we began to date, he gave me every reason in the book of why he didn't like her. He didn't ever blatenly say that I couldn't be friends with her, but made it clear it was her or him. I obviously chose him.

He also (due to past experiences with ex-girlfriends) tells me I can't drink w/out him! Go to parties, or bars, or wherever without him. Now were in our young 20's and I don't mind going out with him. I just miss having some girl-time. Being able to say, "Honey, I'm having a girl's night out!" (As this was not an issue with my ex).

I know this thread seems to point in the exact answer, but you guys know that it's not that simple. Just END IT right?! I tried, once. I couldn't do it, he promised he would change. He has, but lately my life is just the way it's always been. Work & then him. That's the cycle. We do stuff with all of his friends, ALOT. And things have changed in the aspect of my long lost best friend. I see her maybe....1 every 2 months...It's just not worth the fight.

He needs to grow up, and he talks more and more about us getting married. I just am not sure I can settle down to a guy that needs to control me, the way he does.

SO...have I wasted 3 years of my life? Should I end it now before I jump feet first into a mistake of a marriage...Or do I push through, & work on things some more?!

 

Any advice/experience would be lovely...judgement however would not be!

 

Thank you

 

Alixinwonderland

[vanek26]

I have a lot of friends who have been in your shoes, and it still astounds to me read this story. I'm really not trying to talk down to you here but... why did you enter into this relationship in the first place.

 

Guys who are controlling like that will not change, as it is in their very nature to be that way. And if you've put up with it for three years, it will be a long and grueling process to try and fix things.

 

3 years is a long time. You must be very comfortable and attached to him. The two of you have shared a lot of memories together. It will be tough, almost impossible, to break it off with him. If you do, he will most likely up his efforts to win you back and may even behave for a period of time, but you're just wrong if you think he could permanently change.

 

You're not a pet, you're not a slave. He can't tell you what to wear or who you can hang around with. It's unacceptable for him to do that and you need to realize that. You saying "he's getting better" just doesn't cut it. That sort of behavior should not occur and if he's still doing it after 3 years he ain't changing.

 

I'm sure what I say will probably fall on deaf ears but please, don't resign yourself to a life of misery just because you're comfortable with the guy. There are men out there who are dying to treat you the way you deserve. Good luck.