danrs Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 So, we had a "soft split" over 2 months ago (she needed time to see if she could commit). I went INC immediately. After a few weeks of that, and responding only very nonchalantly to her breadcrumb texts, I decided to go completely NC. I ignored her from that point on. Now after 5 or 6 weeks of NC, and 4 wks since she last initiated (which I ignored), she contacted again with another "breadcrumb". Her: Hey! How are you doing? Me: Good until I got on the 10 fighting traffic to get to the game! How 'bout you?" Her: Good too! What game? Me: Lakers Her: Have fun Me: Will make a solid effort! I'm freakin' thrilled and proud of myself! And not for the reasons you may think! 1. I stuck to NC, even though it was initially extremely hard (it actually felt "impossible"). 2. NC allowed me to clear my head and realize she was not worth chasing romantically. I'm worth more than someone who "can't commit". If I was "the one" for her, she would have. I was not, and I accept that. That has no impact on the way I feel about myself, and the fact I feel I'm truly a "catch" for the right woman who wants what I have to offer. 3. What was initially "hope" that a reconcilliation could happen, eventually morphed into not caring if one did, and finally, not wanting one. 4. I've begun to have feelings (only recently) of eventually wanting her back as a friend (and NOT as a means towards a "back door reconcilliation", but truly as a friend whose' time with I just enjoy incredibly, somewhere down the line...I AM NOT ready for that yet and know it). 5. As I've become aware of, and confident in, my feelings of wanting to have her back in my life in the future as a friend, yet not a lover, I didn't even have to push aside any feelings for her or consider them when I responded. 6. I know her. That text was incredibly hard for her to send after I've ignored her. Yet she did, and in my mental state right now, I did not feel the need or want to "punish her", or use NC as a "tool to get her back" by not responding. I simply felt I was in a good place to respond, and I just KNEW that no matter her response, it would have zero effect on me or my well being! So, with that in mind, I'm happy I did not feel the need to not respond out of vindictive or manipulative reasons, and I just responded! I knew it would not "set me back", so I was comfortable doing so. What an incredible feeling to have! Wow, it seems so true that once you have truly moved on, they will come back, at least in some regard. Not that she's "back", but she did make contact, when given her personality I'd written off any possibility of that EVER after I ignored her. I'm thankful for that as I do not want to dismiss friendship with her in the future. I truly would like her in my life in the future as a "friend", even though I know I'm not quite capable of that just yet. I've ignored her previous contacts, but knew recently I've come to a point where I no longer wanted (or needed) to do so. My life is back! I am concentrating on work, dating, and life. Thoughts of her, the break up, etc., no longer consume me. The anger has (almost) completely faded (trust will take longer). When the text came in it was almost nothing more than a curiosity to me. No heart flutter, no excitement, just a slight bit of happiness that her text may have opened the door for a future friendship. AND, if this was nothing more than yet another breadcrumb and ego boost for her, I could absolutely, 100 percent care less! How awesome is that?!! My gawd, the wonders NC did for me! I have NEVER recovered from a split at any time in my life in a fraction of the time. I am happy, I am dating, I am concentrating on "me" and work again, and I am incredibly excited about a date I have coming up Friday! Follow the NC advice to "get yourself back". You'll be so much better off and happy you did!
loverboy1984 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Im really happy for you. Im in NC for a month now and I can see myself getting to where you are soon. Must feel good.
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