gilluk Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 id been seeing my married man for 8 years, i have partner/kids anyway we went away for a weekend and after a lot to drink i guess i said too many things, one that i wanted to end it as hed never leave the wife for me..now to be honest i cant rem this at all, and its something that i never talk about as i know it wouldnt work out for us a proper couple, so i dont know where that came from.. anyway i do rem sobering up quick as he went mad, calling me names saying i was just his bit of fun and that he didnt love me, he dropped me off back at home after a very long drive of saying nothing, threw my bag at me and sped off, i was in tears.. i know i hurt him, and im hurting ill never forgive him for all he said, but how can i let all this time with him just end over something like this? im so sad i just want him back
BB07 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 gilluk.........I read your other post also and 8 years is a long, long time to be waiting. It sounds like you got a little tipsy and your true feelings came out and now you regret it because you are missing him. Obviously you weren't happy or you wouldn't have created a scene about your real thoughts. Sometimes a little booze is like a shot of truth serum, which actually can be a good thing. So you are married with children of your own right? So when you give yourself time to grieve the end of this, what are you going to do to put your life back together? Are you going to continue on with your marriage or are you going to end it?
Carrot2000 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Drunk or not, you should not have to censor yourself out fear of your partner withdrawing their love; in a loving relationship you would never have to be afraid of expressing your true feelings. This guy's reaction was waaay extreme and chance are he was just looking for any excuse to end the relationship. I won't tell you to stop missing this man because at this point it's not possible, but maybe you can shift your focus off of him and give some thought as to whether or not you want to remain in your current relationship. Eight years is a long time to be unfaithful to someone, and it sounds like you and your partner have a lot of unfinished business.
Flabbergaster Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I'm sorry you're in pain. Right now is maybe a 'shock' moment of panic. that's not fun. I think you will recover a bit, then keep recovering. Often with a man who is very controlling/manipulative, even codependent, behavior like his ("i'm mad at you and this isn't love, it's over") is done to 'put you in your place,' which he appears to be defining as 'something of convenience.' The enabling response is to send a message to him, "i'm bad you're good, please let me make it up to you." Before being drunk...did you think maybe you should end it because he won't leave his wife? If so...it's hard to feel that move once you make it, I can tell you that. I have very similar experience; ten minutes before the end move I was convinced I was doing a great thing, good for both of us (it is). Ten minutes after...gibbering mess; I had to take the afternoon off, couldn't drive back to office let alone work. My point...if that is how you felt before...right now might be a time to remind yourself this was your plan, it will get better. Wouldn't a more rational response to his tantrum be, "go F yourself if I'm nothing important to you, I'm a valuable person and you are a waste of my time?" Which response would you advise a friend to have, in your situation? How can you let it end over this? What would be worth letting it end, over, if not this? Is it possible there are other pains, both for him and you, beyond this one fight? Is it possible this is the watershed moment and that maybe ending now is really "because of all that other stuff...triggered now?"
summerdowling87 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 id been seeing my married man for 8 years, i have partner/kids anyway we went away for a weekend and after a lot to drink i guess i said too many things, one that i wanted to end it as hed never leave the wife for me..now to be honest i cant rem this at all, and its something that i never talk about as i know it wouldnt work out for us a proper couple, so i dont know where that came from.. anyway i do rem sobering up quick as he went mad, calling me names saying i was just his bit of fun and that he didnt love me, he dropped me off back at home after a very long drive of saying nothing, threw my bag at me and sped off, i was in tears.. i know i hurt him, and im hurting ill never forgive him for all he said, but how can i let all this time with him just end over something like this? im so sad i just want him back And how did you hurt him inorder to be treated so coldly. He sounds like a jack-a$$ to do and say such a thing.
carrie999 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 id been seeing my married man for 8 years, i have partner/kids anyway we went away for a weekend and after a lot to drink i guess i said too many things, one that i wanted to end it as hed never leave the wife for me..now to be honest i cant rem this at all, and its something that i never talk about as i know it wouldnt work out for us a proper couple, so i dont know where that came from.. anyway i do rem sobering up quick as he went mad, calling me names saying i was just his bit of fun and that he didnt love me, he dropped me off back at home after a very long drive of saying nothing, threw my bag at me and sped off, i was in tears.. i know i hurt him, and im hurting ill never forgive him for all he said, but how can i let all this time with him just end over something like this? im so sad i just want him back I'm so sorry you're going through this, but nothing you said in your drunken stupor should have pushed him away if he wasn't already halfway out the door. Not that it's an ideal way to reveal how your feeling, but an alcohol-fueled meltdown can reveal so much. I've been in this situation twice, and both men (one being MM) responded by letting it go for the night and bringing it up the next day to figure out exactly what was upsetting me so much when I wasn't quite coherent, but clearly not happy. If his response after eight years was to kick you to the curb after hurling insults at you, he's an abusive jerk who could not care less about your feelings. You deserve better.
TurboGirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Gilluk, I am so sorry that you are hurting from this cruel treatment. OK... and what about how HE hurt YOU? Please don't make this entirely your fault in your head, ok? 8 years... wow that is a long time, and for him to treat you that way, he is not your friend. Just went through a similar sit. with my xMM of 2.5 years... threw me away with a text b/c he didn't like something I said! Guys who treat you like that -- easy come, easy go -- are just not worth your tears. Understand the sadness, really I do. Please don't contact him, please just try & be still and let the dust settle, give yourself some time to process. You will get stronger, but it will take a bit of time to settle down inside.
Heart On Posted April 15, 2011 Posted April 15, 2011 he went mad, calling me names saying i was just his bit of fun and that he didnt love me, he dropped me off back at home after a very long drive of saying nothing, threw my bag at me and sped off, i was in tears.. i know i hurt him, and im hurting ill never forgive him for all he said, but how can i let all this time with him just end over something like this? im so sad i just want him back Yeah,it's really hard to give up on a man who mistreats you,makes you cry,feel worthless and unloved and like his sex toy and whom you can never forgive isn't it? Don't fret,he'll be back because he knows you are willing to let him hurt you,use you for sex even though he doesn't love you and that he won't leave his wife for you. You are the perfect doormat for a man like him. Why would he leave for good.He's just trying to scare you back into place. Control you with fear and make you beg to be treated badly again. Don't worry,he'll be back. I know,because once upon a time I was you and I really hate to see you cry over a 'man' that treated you so badly even if you said something while you were drunk that your subconscious obviously considers,even if you don't realize it. You did the right thing telling him you wanted to end it knowing full well you would never be with him in real life. And he had a temper tantrum and you would up tossed aside? Why would you not realize that you have RIGHTS to voicing your fears and concerns to a man who presumably loves you? Oh yeah....your self esteem is in the ****ter after 8 years of this BS! http://www.sexhelp.com/betrayal_bond.cfm Take him back now....and forever be considered abusable and disrespectable,more than you already are now. Funny thing about some men.They LOVE women they can manipulate but hate them for being so weak at the same time.
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