Lilmisus Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I'm just curious what you guys would say is the worst way to breakup with someone. I don't just mean by texting them or doing it over the phone or something like that. I mean, what you'd say or how you'd do it. I've just been wondering this, because I've been thinking to myself what if my ex broke up with me differently than he did..would it have been less painful, or more? I think he tried to make it easier on me and tried to salvage a friendship from it by saying that it was more to do with him than it was to do with me (i.e. he didn't want to be single, he cared about me still, he needed to get his life on track and a girlfriend, not just me, held him back, it was too dangerous -only one I agreed with-, etc). It helped at first, but it left me too hopeful after the fact, and slowly but surely all the sugar coating he put on the breakup had worn off. It made it made it more painful than if he would have just told me the truth: that he wasn't that into me and didn't want to be with me, rather than lie about it. So which is worst (or the best way to go about breaking up with someone)? Telling them the truth as to why it's not working out, and telling them that you don't care about them or want to be with them anymore? Or sugar coating it like he did? Or doing like one girl did, and just stop talking to them altogether..no goodbye, no anything, just delete them off of Facebook, ignore texts, no answers, etc? I'm just looking for objective view points.
Fufu Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I don't think there's best or worst way in breaking up. Because to me, the ultimate fact is still the person chose to leave the relationship. I'm interested to read other replies.
betterdeal Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Drag it out over several months just waiting for them to dump you, then do the deed yourself shortly after she's had an abortion and you decide you can't risk that again.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 Drag it out over several months just waiting for them to dump you, then do the deed yourself shortly after she's had an abortion and you decide you can't risk that again. ...Did that happen to you? If so, ouch.
betterdeal Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I did that, yes. She's happily married now to a really decent guy.
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 So which is worst (or the best way to go about breaking up with someone)? Telling them the truth as to why it's not working out, and telling them that you don't care about them or want to be with them anymore? Or sugar coating it like he did? Or doing like one girl did, and just stop talking to them altogether..no goodbye, no anything, just delete them off of Facebook, ignore texts, no answers, etc? I am not completely sure of a best way but I really think the worst way is the example you posted; no goodbye and just ignore. That to me is just cruel and seems like the route a sociopath would take. The truth is the best policy methinks, you can't beat the peace of mind for both parties with honesty. Anytime you try to sugar coat, or manipulate the relationship hoping the other will break it off if you don't have the guts to do it yourself (happened to me that way) or any of the other endless beating around the bush options just seems petty to me.
gilluk Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 i broke up with my man on sat after a lot of wine, he had taken me to a lovely hotel spent lots on me pampered me, etc i had a wonderful time, but i got drunk which i know is so bad, and things came out that shouldnt have, anyway he got so angry i really have hurt him, now i know i wont see him again, honestly i didnt want to end it with him, stupid issues coming out when drunk, but he just wouldnt accept that..
Cee Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Not break up with them and have an affair that she doesn't find out about. And when she breaks up with you because you are distant and haven't touched her in months act shocked and hurt. Try to get her back several months later by admitting you had an affair. Happened to me. Sometimes the worst way to end things is by NOT ending things. Don't worry. After therapy and working on myself, I'm happier than I've ever been. But it took a few years to get over me breaking up with him. Hah.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I am not completely sure of a best way but I really think the worst way is the example you posted; no goodbye and just ignore. That to me is just cruel and seems like the route a sociopath would take. The truth is the best policy methinks, you can't beat the peace of mind for both parties with honesty. Anytime you try to sugar coat, or manipulate the relationship hoping the other will break it off if you don't have the guts to do it yourself (happened to me that way) or any of the other endless beating around the bush options just seems petty to me. I agree with all that you said. The example I gave happened to a guy who was trying to go out with me a week ago, and happened to him only a month before we met. Apparently, it was on their one year anniversary, she said that she couldn't wait to see him again and said goodnight, and that was the last he heard from her. She then went back to her ex boyfriend and like I said, deleted him off of facebook, and refused to have any contact with him. Part of me turned him down for this reason, since I'm just curious why she took this path to end things and how messed up he'd still of been only a few weeks after it happened. Though, I don't think that it's the worst way to end things with someone..I think it's just the easy way out.
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I agree with all that you said. The example I gave happened to a guy who was trying to go out with me a week ago, and happened to him only a month before we met. Apparently, it was on their one year anniversary, she said that she couldn't wait to see him again and said goodnight, and that was the last he heard from her. She then went back to her ex boyfriend and like I said, deleted him off of facebook, and refused to have any contact with him. Part of me turned him down for this reason, since I'm just curious why she took this path to end things and how messed up he'd still of been only a few weeks after it happened. Though, I don't think that it's the worst way to end things with someone..I think it's just the easy way out. That's horrible! Having been on the receiving end of the silent treatment I can only imagine what that must have felt like. I do understand your reluctance because it would make me wonder the same thing not to mention that it's probably too soon for that guy with fresh scars.
GreenPolicy Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Tell him throughout the relationship that he's the best guy you've ever had and it's the best relationship you've ever been in. Tell him you want to marry him. Tell him you sat your parents down and told them you are The One and you're different from all the other guys you've ever dated and you want to marry him. Make him the first person you've ever dated that you introduce to your biological father after having nothing to do with him for years. Six weeks before D-Day email him wedding venue suggestions and address him as your fiance. A month before D-Day tell him that your parents want to meet his so the future in-laws can get acquainted. Make an attempt to introduce him to your 92 year old grandmother around the same time. Go with him two weeks before D-Day to a jewelry convention to look at bands so he'll have an idea of what kind of engagement ring to get you. Also two weeks before D-Day send him an email telling him you love him so much, he's an amazing man and you're so lucky to have him. Five Days before D-Day tell him what kind of engagement ring you want (white gold). Then when you do the deed give him this as your explanation and leave after 15 minutes: "I don't think I can love you the way you want to be love and need to be loved. When you give me compliments and show me affection, I don't feel like that person on the inside. I've never been in a relationship longer than a year and I always do this."
GreenPolicy Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I was never in a relationship with this person, but I always appreciated her direct approach. We went out on two dates. I emailed her a few days after the second one, and she wrote back a short reply that basically said that she had reconnected with an old boyfriend, wanted to give things a shot with him, enjoyed getting to know me, but didn't feel like she could pursue anything romantic with me anymore. I have no idea if the old boyfriend thing was true or not, but I appreciated her not wasting any more of my time and having the courtesy to not blow me off.
Author Lilmisus Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I must say, wow, to a couple of y'alls stories. It makes me feel about 10 times better about mine, though it does suck for each of you (or the guy she did that to) I do find these interesting though, and if anyone else wants to share, have at it.
betterdeal Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I've been a lot more open about my feelings with dates this past year. After three or four first dates after which I always felt not ready for a relationship, I stopped using online dating sites, preferring to spend time and energy improving myself and my life.
makelemonade1974 Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) Worst way: Make beautiful love to your gf while looking in her eyes. 8 hours later, tell her you love her and attend a party with mutual friends. Then scream at her for a good hour at 3am while drunk over an offense that is unclear while she apologizes and asks you to calm down. Then push her a number of times, pick her up, and throw her out the door onto the hardwood deck outside. Then never speak to her again. Oh, and do all this while she is going through a series of cancer surgeries. Best way: I've thought about this. If things aren't working, you might try giving some kind of warning - like "if this doesn't improve I'm not going to be able to stay in this relationship anymore" (which is strange, because I told my ex this about 2 mths before he dumped me). Then, if it seems irreparable, a public place like a restaurant is your best option to avoid a terrible scene. It has to be face to face, because over the phone will inevitably end up with somebody driving over to the other person's house. Be kind, be gentle, listen to them cry, be firm. Then light contact afterwards but work towards no contact over a span of maybe two weeks. When I left my ex-husband I left the house and went to a hotel and stayed there until he moved out. We had phone conversations (usually with him screaming) but I was firm. There was drama, but no physical altercation, and I doubt it came as a surprise to him. Our marriage had been dead a long time. Breaking up is hard - I think the key is to just be sensitive and perhaps give it a chance first. Being abruptly dumped out of the blue seems to be the toughest. Edited April 14, 2011 by makelemonade1974
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