Should I or shouldn't I?

[Tasha49]

Okay first off... I have already posted two threads of my situation. But I do not feel I got the necessary advice. I am new and too anxious and excited to share my situation but my thread-starting will die down I swear! Lol. I just keep thinking of new questions.

 

So this time I will attempt to keep my story short-er-

 

I have been with a great guy for the last year. We do not fight (nor have we EVER), we do not see other people (yet), or anything else that would negatively impact this... situation. The ONLY problem is that after a whole year of being clos and intimate, he has not committed to calling this an actual agreed upon 'relationship.' And it bothers me. Because I feel like I deserve it. The spark is undeniable and I love him and I am almost positive he loves me (though he has not admitted it).

 

So I have walked away twice already. And both times he has got me to come right on back. He has had a big problem with me walking away and resents the idea. Yet he hasn't changed his mind about us because he is not "ready" for a relationship. But this time I mean it. It is too much hurt for me to stay in it. My emotions cannot deal with his choice. I originally had planned to just start seeing him less and talking to him less without explanation. But now the more I think about it the more I think to myself: Damn, well I don't want him to give up on me and think I don't care anymore. I keep thinking I won't see him again if I push him away by not contacting him anymore.

 

That being said, now I think instead I want to pull him aside and have one last serious talk. Now keep in mind he is not a deep person and I plan on beig deep in this talk. I have so much to say. I want to tell him why I am choosig to walk away, rather than walk without reason. He deserves that I think.

 

In this talk I want to tell him that I am walking away because I love him, and it is not fair of him to share so much intimacy with me and yet not want to make us official. He got out of a bad relationship a year ago, so I know he has trust issues. But I had hoped he would realize by now that I am THE most trustworthy person. I want to tell him that I feel a strong connection and I know he feels it too, but he is giving up on it (because when i have walked away before he didn't fight for me). He says he doesn't want to lose me yet he won't commit to more.

 

I don't even know all that I want to say, all I know is that I feel like I should talk to him one last time before I choose to go NC.

 

Or is this pointless? Any suggestions? Pleeeeeeeease!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

At this point it no longer matters why you walk away, or that you tell anyone why you walk away.

 

The part you need to concentrate on is not going back.

 

 

Make it final.

[Exit]

He should already know why you walked away if he knows this bothers you and you've done it twice before. HE should be the one thinking to himself "damn I messed up, I think I should ask her to talk and try to have a deep conversation and let her know why this has been such a problem for me". Instead you're the one wanting to create that opportunity for him, you're ready to contact him and ask to talk. Let his ego sweat it out a little bit. If you came back two times before without him really making much of an effort, I can guarantee he's sitting around right now thinking you'll be back again.

 

Or if you really can't get this urge out of your head to talk to him, you have to ask yourself, how will you feel if you sit down with him and he hardly has anything to say, or gives you answers that you don't want to hear, or even if he rejects the initial offer to even get together and talk? That would make you start hurting again. Realize there's a very good risk for this. Right now your mind only looks at it one way, you want to talk, you want to tell him why things are happening, you want some answers from him, but you have to know there's just as high a possibility that it won't solve anything. You might think you're really trying to do HIM a favor by making sure he understands your actions, but in reality, you're looking out for your best interests, you're hoping something good would come out of trying to talk to him.

 

And let me just say you're absolutely not wrong for feeling this way. To basically have a complete relationship with someone, yet see them hesitate to actually refer to it as such, it's insulting. That's part of what made me decide to agree with my ex wanting to breakup. We were still hanging out, and we would have some days that were just as good as any good day we ever had in the past, yet she still refused to say that she was back or that we were together. I wasn't going to live my life pretending to be okay with that.

Edited April 14, 2011 by Exit

[Tasha49]

Thank you both for your feedback! Especially exit because it was a very thought-through answer.

 

Unfortunately I got my answer today in wondering if I should or should not have a talk. I am a housekeeper, he is a front deskman. Well we hired a new housekeeper and she is pretty (though, without being conceited, I think I am far prettier). Well, keep in mind that I have not told him I have chosen to walk away for good yet. Today at work I come to find that he got her number and invited her to his party. That was Saturday. She didn't go, but today I found out she drunk dialed him last night. Jee what are the odds of dialing HIS number out of all her contacts? They have to be texting or calling or something. Right? Anyway, I got really upset. There is no reason he should have her number. He obviously didn't ask for it to "be friends."

 

Well at work today i chose to ignore him. This bothered him. Finally he asked what was wrong. I shook my head and walked away. Ignored him the entire day. Well just before i left he asked again. All I said was "Her." And then pointed to the girl. He said, "Oh God," in an annoyed voice and he rolled his eyes. I walked away and drove off.

 

Having her number is bothering me deeply. I never get jealous. Not like this. It's only because we are not dating so I know he is free to any girl. So I get paranoid. I figured I looked like a jealous brat so about two hours later (very dumb idea) I sent him a text apologizing for my behavior but that it upset me. Well... no reply all day and night. 7 hours later he called me. I ignored it because he ignored me. He didn't call back. He probably thinks I'm a brat for ignoring him at work and being jealous. I wasn't being a brat though, I was hurt. It was a reaction.

 

So now what? Do I just start NC and ignore his calls and texts til i see him again on saturday at work? (NC will work, because i only see him briefly at work and I can ignore him) or do I first at least tell him I give up for good and can't see or talk to him for a while in order to get over him? I am really torn! I don't want to be a bitch and out of the blue ignore him.