Struggling33

[InPain33]

Well here is my story. Going to be a long one! I am guessing it is somewhat similar to a lot of posts on here. I started dating this girl just over 5 years ago. She had just broken up with her ex after an 8 year relationship. We worked together by the way at the time. After being friends, nothing more, during their relationship for 3 years, they broke up. I was with someone else at the time but that was going no where. Anyways, after they broke up I soon ended things with my girl. We were both available and our feelings grew for one another. She had been broken up with him for about 2 months. We immediately started living together and she was convinced I was her soulmate. We were together for about an amazing year and then she started to act strange. As she started to act strange I found myself acting different (kind of clingy). In her head she somehow decided that she had somehow forgotten all the bad things he had done to her and she wanted him back. Guess I was the rebound relationship in a way. Anyways, she met up with him and remembered why they broke up and realized it was a mistake. We were still living together at this time. Miserable I tell you! She started to go out all the time and met some guy at a party. Instantly, he was now her soulmate. She moved out soon after. It turned out to be another rebound relationship that only lasted about 2 months when the excitement wore off. I had no contact for 4 months going, living apart, but was still thinking about her all the time. I texted her after 4 months to see how she was...No, I still wasnt over her. A couple texts in she asked me out to dinner. We ended up going out to dinner that night and then soon after we were hanging out all the time, back to the way things were when we first got together. She later told me, that when she left it was the biggest mistake of her life and we got back together. I am now 33 by the way and she is 37. She had been bugging me for the last year that she wanted to get married because I was "the one" as things were going great...or so I thought. About 2 and a half months ago we were hanging out with my parents and she went shopping for wedding shoes with my mom and had asked her if she was coming to our wedding in vegas. We had a great day that day, like so many before that. The next day we got into a fight because I promised I would drink on Sunday since we had been out drinking most of the weekend. Well there were 2 beers left in the fridge and the Super Bowl was on. Literraly as soon as I cracked the beer she came out and I tried to hide it from her...BUSTED! She was pissed over this beyond all belief. Mind you I had a ring on order at this point and she had no idea. Well for the next 4 days we didnt speak much. She came home on thursday, the same day the ring came. She said we needed to talk. She said that I dont get her and she hasnt been happy with me...which is bull****...we have been having the time of our lives. Yes, I did get a little lazy helping out around the house, but I did tons of other things for her in our relationship. So she ended things and said I couldnt be happy either. I pulled the ring out and said this is how happy I am. She broke down...I then went and pulled out the nice champagne I had bought and said I guess we wont be needing this. I went into the other room and chugged the thing. I woke up at 3 in the morning hurt as hell and packed my things. The next morning I woke up and she went out to the store leaving her phone behind. I thought something else had to be going on and we were broken up so YES I looked at her text messages. There was a conversation between her and a girlfriend talking about how she liked some other guy at work. I was pissed!! When she got back I said it all makes sense now and she claimed that it wasnt what I thought. I told her to f**k off. I moved out that day. For 2 weeks of no contact, I felt bad about how we left things and wanted to meet up with her to talk. We talked, she cried like I have never seen before in our years together and we kissed and hugged and she told me how much she loved me but she said she was done. Then I walked her to the door and she broke down whimpering and gave each other one last kiss goodbye with her begging me to leave cause she couldnt handle it, while she was balling her eyes out. I left all my stuff behind, of which everything is mine. I took only my clothes, we have 6 months left on our lease and I could not bring my 2 cats with me. Rash decision to leave I now realize. Anyways, a month goes by and she contacted a mutual friend (more mine) to meet up for drinks and talk. Well not what I thought it was going to be about...hoping she came to her senses! She met up with him to get his approval on her seeing this other guy from her work. She talks a lot normally, but was at a loss for words. He told her how crazy she was and that she did not think things through. After 3 hours of him shooting down, not putting up with her crazines with her listening mostly (very rare), she admits that she dreams about me every night and she cant sleep without tylenol pm. She seems so confused. I have gone over there to visit my cats when I know she isnt there, only to see pictures of us still out and the champane bottle I threw out on display in the kitchen to this day. At any rate, 2 months have gone by since the breakup. I have tried no contact but we still have issues like the rent being paid and such. She has been very cold. I know she is out having fun with this guy, but is this thing with the guy from work just a rebound. I am not sure how I feel about her right now. I miss and love her a lot, but I know right now is not the time for us if she is pulling this on me...AGAIN! I do love her and I know I need to move on right now but WTF! I can't help but wonder if we are going to reconnect in the future when she realizes the mistake she made and if it is something that could happen again or am I just setting myself up for another let down. Right now I am trying to move on, but its so tough. If anyone reads this, please share your opinion. If not, it just felt good to express as my life is upside down. Lost and sad.

 

B

[D78]

I think you should do whatever you can do to get away from your ex.

 

I know it's difficult to go completely NC when you're dealing with leases and all the other loose ends you must address when you lived with someone. But you can go basically NC, where you talk only when necessary and only when dealing with those things you can't help but deal with.

 

It's going to be hard enough to recover from this relationship. You have to get away from her as much as possible to get your head straight. It also can't feel good to be treated coldly for no reason, so you could spare yourself that pain.

 

After some time away from her, you'll probably realize how bad she treated you. For example, you were living together and she decided she should not have dumped her ex. She didn't tell you this right away (you said she acted funny for so long that you started acting funny, too). She treated you bad when she wasn't honest and open with you.

 

And, she made a date with her ex to figure out if she was right. She treated you bad when she did this, because (even though she realized it wasn't what she wanted) she was cheating on you.

 

She did all of this while you were living together. That's just insanely mean.

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh - it's not my goal to add to your pain. I guess I hope you realize you don't want her back. Keep posting here for support. Good luck.

[tyler123]

In pain- i feel for you bro. Re-Read what you wrote! your story describes a completely inconsistent, unstable - crazie (your close friend said this) your/ our emotions are involved when we are let down and feel betrayed. No doubt she is a "knee jerk" reactor. one second she is inviting your mom to your wedding and the next is she is telling you it's over because of a couple of beers- this is not rational. many people are irrational- HELL i have been irrational myself, but i will say this a rational person can not make a irrational person rational, however stick around an irrational person for awhile and no doubt you too will become irrational. I used to defend, and rationalize my relationship to my friends, family etc. and continued to get hurt by the woman in my life. Have you ever seen one of your friends relationships that is so destructive ? it is clear that things are a mess cause you are not EMOTIONALLY attached. Well the same is true for us- listen to others more that know you, know your relationship- JUST listen and do not defend your ex or yourself just listen. If you do NC your emotions will SLOWLY detach - stay strong . read posts , write anytime your mind is focusing on her. Focus on you- you will heal but staying in contact delays and slows down an already slow process of healing.. GL