EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) Hi all, I have a few posts here from when I was struggling with my (then) girlfriend. Today I called it off....we dated for four months and in that time there were many times, about once every two weeks, where she would get very distant and cut me off leaving me wondering what the hell was going on. I tried to work it out and open the lines of communication and at times it seemed to work but we always found ourselves back at the same spot....her confused, not talking and me wondering how to please her. The last time this happened I told myself to not tolerate it if it happened again, that a relationship should not be built on guessing games and mystery. I should be proud of myself because I honestly think I deserve better. I treated her like a queen and was madly in love with her. It was really confusing but I am going to go with what a good friend told me; his perspective is that she really did not want to be with me but did not know how to end it, so all of this drama was fabricated to make me look like the bad guy. Ok, since nothing else makes any sense I am trying to go with that. I thought I made the right decision and told her today that I cannot be part of such a relationship, the roller coaster is just too emotionally draining. But I am still struggling with it. She moved on quickly, which makes the pill even more bitter. Not sure what my point is, just sort of ranting. I know the pain will fade. I hate feeling like it will be a long time before I can say " I love you" again. Edited April 13, 2011 by EyeJustDontKnow
Sake Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 The pain will fade away and if its an abrupt ending then abruptly put her in the friend zone and leave her in the back of your mind. I know its gonna be hard but the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept it and forget about her because she clearly has issues of her own to deal with, the more you show her your okay with it the more she'll regret it and if she ever decides to come back, reject it and move on. Be happy its only a 4 month relationship...I know couples that have been together for years in the exact same situation as you. Life's short.
nana841121 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Just my guess, she might have cheated on you when you were in the relationship
Author EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 The pain will fade away and if its an abrupt ending then abruptly put her in the friend zone and leave her in the back of your mind. I know its gonna be hard but the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept it and forget about her because she clearly has issues of her own to deal with, the more you show her your okay with it the more she'll regret it and if she ever decides to come back, reject it and move on. Be happy its only a 4 month relationship...I know couples that have been together for years in the exact same situation as you. Life's short. Thanks, I know all that in my head. And I am proud of myself for not letting it drag on any longer. Just my guess, she might have cheated on you when you were in the relationship Not far fetched at all, there were several "mysterious" nights, lots of "harmless" dialog with other men and who knows what else. I will never know for sure and am ok with that since I just want to move on.
lapse Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Thanks, I know all that in my head. And I am proud of myself for not letting it drag on any longer. Not far fetched at all, there were several "mysterious" nights, lots of "harmless" dialog with other men and who knows what else. I will never know for sure and am ok with that since I just want to move on. That ^. That's the most healing feeling of all... not thinking about what happened, how, and why, and just being glad it's not your problem to worry about now. *hugs* Congratulations. I was reluctant to end it, too, and now feel the same... who cares what he's doing or did and with whom?
Author EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 That ^. That's the most healing feeling of all... not thinking about what happened, how, and why, and just being glad it's not your problem to worry about now. *hugs* Congratulations. I was reluctant to end it, too, and now feel the same... who cares what he's doing or did and with whom? Thanks for that.
Author EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) Well, I no longer wonder if I did the right thing. She has revealed herself in ways I never dreamed possible. Just my guess, she might have cheated on you when you were in the relationship You may be on to something there.... The last couple of days have been very bizzare but enlightening. Currently there is a smear campaign running against me on Facebook. Now normally I would not care, in fact I would not even know because as soon as I said goodbye to her I removed and blocked her. The way I found out was a mutual friend, a guy and his wife that I have known over 20 years who just adored this woman while we were together. He called me up Wed (the day after) and said "Dude, you would not believe what she is saying on face book"! My first thought was "Yea whatever, who cares":sick: He went on to explain that it was not just about me, but she was spreading very personal, painful things that she knows about this couple. Because in the short amount of time the 4 of us knew each other we got pretty close. I was shocked when he read these things to me, I mean they had a grain of truth to them which in and of itself is not the kind of thing you want the world to know but they were blown out of proportion to make not only me look bad but everyone I associate with. He ended up blocking her as well but dang, it was amazing to me to be shown this side of a person that I thought I knew. In the end she is making it much, much easier for me to move on since I no longer wonder if I did the right thing. The only thing I wonder is why I did not do it sooner I also think she is not used to getting dumped; all of her Exs (according to her) were abusive, controlling A-holes that she left. Come to think of it not one of her past relationships did she mention the guy leaving her. So I think I managed to get her ruffled by seeing through her games and doing the pre-emptive strike. I learned a few things from this whole ordeal: 1) She "Was" a swinger. I say was because according to her after she got divorced she got into this lifestyle because it was a fantasy of hers that she indulged for two years. Also according to her, she was done with it and wanted a lasting relationship. My experience with her has lead me to believe that she is not done and that was a big part of our issues because she was conflicted about it. In fact I don't doubt that liasons were still going on while she was with me. 2) The times when she got really distant, vague and gave me the "I need to think things through" just happened to coincide with events that she wanted to do but I was unable for whatever reason (on call, spending that Friday with my kids, etc.). 3) My suspicions about her keeping in contact with these ex Friends with Benefits/Swingers were well founded. One of the comments made that my friend told me about was a friend telling her "Hope you and <Ex FwB> have fun this Friday". Uh yea, Monday we were a couple, Tuesday you got wierd again and I had enough, by Wed. you already have a date? How did I never see that coming?! 4) Her biggest complaint was "I hate drama on Facebook". Oh, the irony..... 5) Lesson learned - don't be so damned trusting and fall so quickly. 5a) All the lies she is plastering on the Internet don't bother me at all, because I know the truth. And so does she; I treated her like a princess, pampered loved and nurtured her and never even thought about another woman while I was with her and showed her what a loving relationship can be like. Apparently it traumatized her. It's not my problem that she is not ready for that and would rather have meaningless sex with multiple people. 6) I'm winning. Edited April 14, 2011 by EyeJustDontKnow
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