Crazy Magnet Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I decided I was giving out the wrong signals to super glued snail pace guy. I happened to run into him today...well I thought it was him, so I called him and it was, so I made a big walking u-turn to make a point to go say hello and chat for 5 minutes. I wanted to be very obvious that I wanted to see him. (I got a hug! yay!) We texted for a while after that and the opportunity presented itself for me to invite him for an activity to take place at an undetermined time in the future. I was thinking next week. He said sure, and then wrote back to ask if tomorrow was ok. So now we will see each other twice this week. In addition to our phone call, which I initiated. I was trying to be super laid back and non-clingy when I met him. Now I'm thinking it was overkill and sending out the wrong message. Guys, what kind of signals do you look for that indicate a girl is interested? Clearly what I was doing wasn't obvious enough.
thatdog Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 If this is the guy that you've been posting about recently odds are he might not notice anything but the most blatant signals. Introverted guys (especially someone like him who I assume has probably been out of the dating scene for quite a while, and might have woman related self esteem issues if the divorce was recent) have a tendency not to expect and therefore not look for signals. I once had a girl invite me over, noticed there was a photo of me in the middle of her wall taken before we even met, and she told me she had been having dreams about me. Two weeks later she got drunk and jumped me and I swear I was SHOCKED that she had any interest in me beyond friendship. If he is happy to go slow at your insistence he is probably either a- assuming that you have low interest and is not looking for the signals or b- wanting to respect your request and is looking for you to make some fairly obvious moves that you want a change of pace. or I guess c- he doesn't want to go fast either and is hoping you'll back off. either way you won't know why until you push a little more.
DollWelch Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Thatdog may be right. Well said, by the way! The way you described the situation -and him, Crazy Magnet, I'd say you did really good. IF I were a man, I'd take the hint and run with it. He should act accordingly, and be more flirtatious with you. IF not, then clearly this man isn't seeing straight. I am sure in due time, he'll show you whether or not he is interested in you.
BeginAgain Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I don't look for signals. I'm not a radar detector.
utterer of lies Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Kiss him when you meet him tomorrow. Problem solved.
waynesworld Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 If a girl accepts dates, has fun on those dates, responds positively when I kiss her, and occasionally initiates, we're in good shape.
Kamille Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 What you did is far from being clingy: it's confident. I've always found the best way to approach a guy when initially dating was to confidently let him know I was into him (show enthusiasm when I see him, be appropriately flirtatious when out on dates, not hesitate to give him compliments or even tell him that I like him. This confidence has to be balanced with me having my own life and not needing constant contact from him. Clingy = sending a text, getting upset he hasn't replied to text within a certain amount of time and then sending a text saying : "If you don't like me I'd prefer you just tell me now". (Apologies to those who've done this, but it does show that one bases way too of their self-esteem on their date's opinion of them.) Confident = walking up to him to say hi and making sure he knows you're happy to see him.
carhill Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Guys, what kind of signals do you look for that indicate a girl is interested? Having been fodder for flirters and Hoovers most of my life, I find the *combination* of flirting *and* sincere interest to be healthy harbingers of potential romance. Example: I share a brief story about one of my travel adventures and the lady is interested in the nuances, remembers details and asks questions. She might playfully offer 'is there room for two?' or other similarly flirtatious banter. TBH, a woman who is sincerely interested in my life is such an anomaly that it would stand out markedly, absent any other signs. Most, as a LS'er recently told me, 'don't care'. So true After a lifetime of receiving physical approaches, flirting, vomiting of 'stuff, ILY's and the like which turned out to be nothing more than validation, ego feeding, or simple mental issues, I've stepped up the boundaries. The clear common denominator in all those experiences was the lack of sincere care/interest and the actions which support that perspective. Regretibly, my exW would have failed the new boundaries, which were an outgrowth of MC. Given your example of 'inviting him to an activity', I would respond positively to a woman who has, for example, listened to my shared interest in music, theater, etc and took that and ran with it, inviting me to an event she senses we both would enjoy. That could be a performer in a shared musical genre, a local dinner theater group performing a play discussed, etc. etc. The clear denominator, for myself, is interest and care. That's one potential. Since there's some 3 billion other men out there, YMMV.
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