I Realized Fear of Rejection Is Over Rated

[Velociraptor]

More men need to just man up. Men are supposed to approach women. If you are too weak to move on that's on you. Most of the players you know get turned down a lot but they get more women because they approach a lot of them. I approach almost every women even if she is ugly. I flirt and have fun. Nobody ges ALL the women.

 

My problem isn't really with having to do the approaching. It's women who talk about rejection like they actually know anything about it that I have a problem with.

 

The man up "advice" wanna be tough guys such as yourself give is nagged out and rarely helps anyone. But yes... Men have to more or less do the approaching.

 

To say men are "supposed" to do it is typical of a wanna be alpha tough guy's such as yourself, it's not that we're supposed to do it, it's just that unless a guy wants to be alone then he'll have to do it. Men aren't "supposed" to do anything, and neither are women supposed to do anything. People do what they want, simple as that. Saying men are supposed to do the approaching is the equivalent of me saying women are supposed to stay in the kitchen.

[MrNate]

There's a reason a lot of guys report 'feeling good' after going through rejection.

 

Why? Because they played their natural role in asking the girl out. So in essence. they went along with nature, instead of fighting it. So, naturally, it feels good. Especially when you do it the normal way, (not wait to become good friends, then go in for the kill).

 

I think a woman will always respect you for trying, and that respect runs deeper than most of us men will know. For every guy that has balls, about 500 (literally) don't.

[singlelife]

My problem isn't really with having to do the approaching. It's women who talk about rejection like they actually know anything about it that I have a problem with.

 

The man up "advice" wanna be tough guys such as yourself give is nagged out and rarely helps anyone. But yes... Men have to more or less do the approaching.

 

To say men are "supposed" to do it is typical of a wanna be alpha tough guy's such as yourself, it's not that we're supposed to do it, it's just that unless a guy wants to be alone then he'll have to do it. Men aren't "supposed" to do anything, and neither are women supposed to do anything. People do what they want, simple as that. Saying men are supposed to do the approaching is the equivalent of me saying women are supposed to stay in the kitchen.

 

 

you sound like such a soar loser. hope life works out for ya.

[Velociraptor]

you sound like such a soar loser. hope life works out for ya.

 

And you sound like a total douchebag. And your post confirms to me that you are infact a wanna be tough alpha male.

 

You feel a constant need to show how manly you are by telling others to "man up" and tell others what they are supposed to do and insult them. Thats insecurity and real alpha male's ain't insecure.

 

Real alpha men don't need to prove how tough they are, and this proves that you are a wanna be.

[fortyninethousand322]

More men need to just man up. Men are supposed to approach women. If you are too weak to move on that's on you. Most of the players you know get turned down a lot but they get more women because they approach a lot of them. I approach almost every women even if she is ugly. I flirt and have fun. Nobody ges ALL the women.

 

Yeah I don't want ALL the women. But, thanks for giving out useless information.

 

Some people don't have the confidence to go around approaching every single woman they see. People of your ilk don't seem to understand this concept.

[start-fresh]

Asking out one guy is nothing. If men stopped asking women out because they got rejected once, then what?

 

Then they come to LS to complain about it.

[rocketboy9]

My observation is if she says no, so what. Thats the attitude you have to take. She says yes, good, she says no, good. Who cares one way or the other.

 

Indifference is key and they pick up on it. Because they know you are not going to break if they tell you no.

 

There are a couple other things I have realized as well such as not putting them on a pedestal. You treat them just like everyone else. Dont kiss their butt. Have self respect for yourself.

 

Just be yourself and if they dont like you, you move on. There is not much else you can really do.

[chuckles11]

Yeah I don't want ALL the women. But, thanks for giving out useless information.

 

Some people don't have the confidence to go around approaching every single woman they see. People of your ilk don't seem to understand this concept.

 

 

Everyone understands this concept, I think what people don't understand is why people let this ruin their lives. You should have the confidence to approach every women you see. What exactly is going to happen to you that will be so terrible if you are turned down by a woman?

[Nexus One]

For every guy that has balls, about 500 (literally) don't.

 

Allow me to give a real life example of that.

 

I know a 25 year old guy that has slept with over 200 women. (his own lowest estimation) And he's not the only guy I know that has hit high numbers. And I also know guys that aren't getting any whatsoever. (beta's or gamma's, whatever you want to call them)

 

Now here's the thing. For 200 guys that aren't getting any, that one guy is getting it ALL instead of them. And this very thing explains A LOT. I understand the motives of both the players and the beta's. What I do not understand is the women in this whole thing. Because I asked that guy; Do those girls know you've slept with so many women? And this is what he said:

 

"I'm always completely honest. If they ask me, I'll tell them.", so I ask him, and what's their reaction to it? "They say that they already suspected the number would be high, but not THIS high."

 

And here's the thing I don't understand. Those women already suspect that the guy f*cks around a lot, YET they willfully approach him, knowing fully well what they are just about to get into. The guy even wears a pink t-shirt with the word "SLUT" printed on it in thick black letters, there can be no mistake, women must know what they're getting into.

 

I asked, so do you approach them every time, because what you're doing sounds like a lot of work. "No I let them approach me and then I ignore them really hard after I let them have a taste. So they come up dancing to me in a club or something, expecting me to make a move and then I do, I kiss them. Then, after I kissed them I ignore them completely, I go dance with other women and kiss other women. And the girls that I kissed earlier will completely lose it, they get angry, they make a scene, they throw drinks at me. But every time I end up f*cking them. And they come from all layers of society, the poor, the rich, the dumb, the intellectuals, from every race, it doesn't matter, they're all the same. The smart men do not get involved with women, but I cannot resist p*ssy. P*ssies to me are like cars. I really want a Ferrari and I will love driving it...for a week. But the next week I will not like that Ferrari anymore, because I'd want something different."

 

And this, is why many women get burned. There are guys out there that are f*cking A LOT of women. There is a high chance that at one point or another you as a woman will be sleeping with a guy like that, because the beta males are staying at a distance, so the player WILL be filling that void.

 

You might think that the guy may have been talking to me like he's all that and that he could have made it all up. But I know this guy quite well and I've seen him with many women and I know other guys similar to him, in fact I can only conclude that they're fairly common, not nearly as common as beta's, but common.

 

Then there are the hordes of beta's that are not approaching women as frequently as they could/should, but they are also largely ignored until the day that women start becoming somewhat desperate. Yet what defines many women in their 20's in the eyes of many men? They want to have fun. Every player and beta guy knows this. Players take their advantage from it and the beta's hate it, because they can't get women in their 20's to stay serious with them during their 20's. Yet when women turn 30 and many guys start considering them over the hill, then suddenly many women want to get serious and want a quality guy. Do you really find it surprising that the beta's are bitter about that? Frankly I don't, but I also think the beta's have themselves to blame for not getting out there enough and really putting the effort in. If an average looking guy can get over 200 women crying over him and begging him to not leave them, then a beta surely can get at least one if he puts his mind to it.

 

It has come to the point though where I now somewhat watch my steps with the women in my area, because I don't want to accidentally fall in love with "one of his girls". The social networks of those guys are so huge, that hardly anyone in the area doesn't know them. You could probably fill a stadium with their social network.

 

Out of shear curiosity I asked him, what about the type of woman I'm looking for; beautiful, happy, intelligent, between 20 and 30, mentally stable, yet honest and loyal. His answer: "What you want Nexus, is damn near impossible. In all my dealings with women I have NEVER met a girl that you're describing. Tough Nexus, tough. You will have to really watch out in order to filter out all the nut cases and the disloyal girls in that age range." I know the odds, 1 in 10 stay in love till death do them part. "In love yes, loyal no, and that's the problem. If I can give you any piece of advice, don't bother with women, just f*ck them, they just create problems, so just f*ck the ones that create the least amount of problems."

 

Don't get me wrong. I try to set my own course and not fall into the mindset of either players or beta's. Something that would thoroughly screw with my head though is finding out that a certain type/range of woman that I like, would turn out to be like the many women that the players and beta's are describing. That would seriously f*ck with my head, because that would be like an "Et tu Brute?" moment. http://bit.ly/hj4Z65

 

Anyways. 1 in 10 stay in love, 1 in 20 stay in love and loyal. Those are the numbers. I'll just focus on that 5%, what else can you do, right?

Edited April 17, 2011 by Nexus One

[NoMagicBullet]

For the last few years I have been reading these PUA (Pick Up Artist) web sites on and off. I have come to the conclusion that these men really are out of their minds.

 

They have all these canned routines, techniques and all kinds of other nonsense that read on the surface is beyond ridiculous. If you read this gibberish you realize these people are stunted emotionally. They talk about doing this and that to get the girl. But a bad thing that I see is they are actually pretty freaking mean as well.

 

I have had my own epiphany in the last few months and realized I have a better technique than anything these guys teach. You want to know what that is?

 

TALK TO HER LIKE A HUMAN BEING.

 

Just be nice, express interest in her and pay attention when she speaks. Really pay attention, not pretend pay attention. Have a real conversation with her and it works wonders.

 

Every single woman I do this connects with me on an emotional level because I am not pretending.

 

If she wants to go out with you, she will. If not, than thats fine too. Than just be her friend with no agenda. If she wants more she will let you know.

 

I have a memory like a steel trap and I forget nothing they say. They are usually shocked at the things I remember because I guess most men dont really pay attention when they talk.

 

I guess my point of this for the men, is just to be yourself and actually talk to her.

 

Of course you have to be able to carry on a conversation beyond sports and video games.

 

Trust me, it works and you will find the women connecting to you.

 

I'm stunned and overjoyed to see that someone figured it out and posted it here! Good advice for everyone in dealing with other people, not just men approaching women. But let's not get ahead of ourselves -- today dating, tomorrow the world.

 

Congrats to you, rocketboy9, for getting past the fear of rejection and for keeping it human. No doubt those women you approached are friendlier because they respect you for putting yourself out there. Even if they aren't romantically interested, they probably admire you for taking a chance when so many men these days don't. Ignore the cynics here on LS, and keep doing what you're doing!

[MrNate]

Allow me to give a real life example of that.

 

I know a 25 year old guy that has slept with over 200 women. (his own lowest estimation) And he's not the only guy I know that has hit high numbers. And I also know guys that aren't getting any whatsoever. (beta's or gamma's, whatever you want to call them)

 

Now here's the thing. For 200 guys that aren't getting any, that one guy is getting it ALL instead of them. And this very thing explains A LOT. I understand the motives of both the players and the beta's. What I do not understand is the women in this whole thing. Because I asked that guy; Do those girls know you've slept with so many women? And this is what he said:

 

"I'm always completely honest. If they ask me, I'll tell them.", so I ask him, and what's their reaction to it? "They say that they already suspected the number would be high, but not THIS high."

 

And here's the thing I don't understand. Those women already suspect that the guy f*cks around a lot, YET they willfully approach him, knowing fully well what they are just about to get into. The guy even wears a pink t-shirt with the word "SLUT" printed on it in thick black letters, there can be no mistake, women must know what they're getting into.

 

I asked, so do you approach them every time, because what you're doing sounds like a lot of work. "No I let them approach me and then I ignore them really hard after I let them have a taste. So they come up dancing to me in a club or something, expecting me to make a move and then I do, I kiss them. Then, after I kissed them I ignore them completely, I go dance with other women and kiss other women. And the girls that I kissed earlier will completely lose it, they get angry, they make a scene, they throw drinks at me. But every time I end up f*cking them. And they come from all layers of society, the poor, the rich, the dumb, the intellectuals, from every race, it doesn't matter, they're all the same. The smart men do not get involved with women, but I cannot resist p*ssy. P*ssies to me are like cars. I really want a Ferrari and I will love driving it...for a week. But the next week I will not like that Ferrari anymore, because I'd want something different."

 

And this, is why many women get burned. There are guys out there that are f*cking A LOT of women. There is a high chance that at one point or another you as a woman will be sleeping with a guy like that, because the beta males are staying at a distance, so the player WILL be filling that void.

 

You might think that the guy may have been talking to me like he's all that and that he could have made it all up. But I know this guy quite well and I've seen him with many women and I know other guys similar to him, in fact I can only conclude that they're fairly common, not nearly as common as beta's, but common.

 

Then there are the hordes of beta's that are not approaching women as frequently as they could/should, but they are also largely ignored until the day that women start becoming somewhat desperate. Yet what defines many women in their 20's in the eyes of many men? They want to have fun. Every player and beta guy knows this. Players take their advantage from it and the beta's hate it, because they can't get women in their 20's to stay serious with them during their 20's. Yet when women turn 30 and many guys start considering them over the hill, then suddenly many women want to get serious and want a quality guy. Do you really find it surprising that the beta's are bitter about that? Frankly I don't, but I also think the beta's have themselves to blame for not getting out there enough and really putting the effort in. If an average looking guy can get over 200 women crying over him and begging him to not leave them, then a beta surely can get at least one if he puts his mind to it.

 

It has come to the point though where I now somewhat watch my steps with the women in my area, because I don't want to accidentally fall in love with "one of his girls". The social networks of those guys are so huge, that hardly anyone in the area doesn't know them. You could probably fill a stadium with their social network.

 

Out of shear curiosity I asked him, what about the type of woman I'm looking for; beautiful, happy, intelligent, between 20 and 30, mentally stable, yet honest and loyal. His answer: "What you want Nexus, is damn near impossible. In all my dealings with women I have NEVER met a girl that you're describing. Tough Nexus, tough. You will have to really watch out in order to filter out all the nut cases and the disloyal girls in that age range." I know the odds, 1 in 10 stay in love till death do them part. "In love yes, loyal no, and that's the problem. If I can give you any piece of advice, don't bother with women, just f*ck them, they just create problems, so just f*ck the ones that create the least amount of problems."

 

Don't get me wrong. I try to set my own course and not fall into the mindset of either players or beta's. Something that would thoroughly screw with my head though is finding out that a certain type/range of woman that I like, would turn out to be like the many women that the players and beta's are describing. That would seriously f*ck with my head, because that would be like an "Et tu Brute?" moment. http://bit.ly/hj4Z65

 

Anyways. 1 in 10 stay in love, 1 in 20 stay in love and loyal. Those are the numbers. I'll just focus on that 5%, what else can you do, right?

 

Well, I must say this is an interesting tidbit of information. While I do agree/disagree with some parts, sometimes I do wonder if in this culture, your cards my be better played avoiding attachment until later 20's/30's. Hm.

[lino]

It seems kinda silly when women talk about rejection and how it's not so bad or the end of the world, when you yourself have never experienced or even risked rejection.

 

Very silly!

A female friend of mine was complaining to me last night about a 'rejection' she suffered. I don't consider it a rejection because she didn't actually ask the bloke out, she let him know that she was really into him through a mutual friend of theirs and he said that he liked her as a friend but not more.

She told me how bad she feels about it and I replied 'It's OK, now you know how millions of men feel... Well not quite, you didn't actually ask him out. Just keep at it and you'll eventually find one.'

She replied with the ever so typically female response: 'It's diffrent for guys!!'

 

Love it!

 

And here's the thing I don't understand. Those women already suspect that the guy f*cks around a lot, YET they willfully approach him, knowing fully well what they are just about to get into. The guy even wears a pink t-shirt with the word "SLUT" printed on it in thick black letters, there can be no mistake, women must know what they're getting into.

 

Wow! Who would have thought women flock to men that f*ck around a lot?

[rocketboy9]

Allow me to give a real life example of that.

 

I know a 25 year old guy that has slept with over 200 women. (his own lowest estimation) And he's not the only guy I know that has hit high numbers. And I also know guys that aren't getting any whatsoever. (beta's or gamma's, whatever you want to call them)

 

Now here's the thing. For 200 guys that aren't getting any, that one guy is getting it ALL instead of them. And this very thing explains A LOT. I understand the motives of both the players and the beta's. What I do not understand is the women in this whole thing. Because I asked that guy; Do those girls know you've slept with so many women? And this is what he said:

 

"I'm always completely honest. If they ask me, I'll tell them.", so I ask him, and what's their reaction to it? "They say that they already suspected the number would be high, but not THIS high."

 

And here's the thing I don't understand. Those women already suspect that the guy f*cks around a lot, YET they willfully approach him, knowing fully well what they are just about to get into. The guy even wears a pink t-shirt with the word "SLUT" printed on it in thick black letters, there can be no mistake, women must know what they're getting into.

 

I asked, so do you approach them every time, because what you're doing sounds like a lot of work. "No I let them approach me and then I ignore them really hard after I let them have a taste. So they come up dancing to me in a club or something, expecting me to make a move and then I do, I kiss them. Then, after I kissed them I ignore them completely, I go dance with other women and kiss other women. And the girls that I kissed earlier will completely lose it, they get angry, they make a scene, they throw drinks at me. But every time I end up f*cking them. And they come from all layers of society, the poor, the rich, the dumb, the intellectuals, from every race, it doesn't matter, they're all the same. The smart men do not get involved with women, but I cannot resist p*ssy. P*ssies to me are like cars. I really want a Ferrari and I will love driving it...for a week. But the next week I will not like that Ferrari anymore, because I'd want something different."

 

And this, is why many women get burned. There are guys out there that are f*cking A LOT of women. There is a high chance that at one point or another you as a woman will be sleeping with a guy like that, because the beta males are staying at a distance, so the player WILL be filling that void.

 

You might think that the guy may have been talking to me like he's all that and that he could have made it all up. But I know this guy quite well and I've seen him with many women and I know other guys similar to him, in fact I can only conclude that they're fairly common, not nearly as common as beta's, but common.

 

Then there are the hordes of beta's that are not approaching women as frequently as they could/should, but they are also largely ignored until the day that women start becoming somewhat desperate. Yet what defines many women in their 20's in the eyes of many men? They want to have fun. Every player and beta guy knows this. Players take their advantage from it and the beta's hate it, because they can't get women in their 20's to stay serious with them during their 20's. Yet when women turn 30 and many guys start considering them over the hill, then suddenly many women want to get serious and want a quality guy. Do you really find it surprising that the beta's are bitter about that? Frankly I don't, but I also think the beta's have themselves to blame for not getting out there enough and really putting the effort in. If an average looking guy can get over 200 women crying over him and begging him to not leave them, then a beta surely can get at least one if he puts his mind to it.

 

It has come to the point though where I now somewhat watch my steps with the women in my area, because I don't want to accidentally fall in love with "one of his girls". The social networks of those guys are so huge, that hardly anyone in the area doesn't know them. You could probably fill a stadium with their social network.

 

Out of shear curiosity I asked him, what about the type of woman I'm looking for; beautiful, happy, intelligent, between 20 and 30, mentally stable, yet honest and loyal. His answer: "What you want Nexus, is damn near impossible. In all my dealings with women I have NEVER met a girl that you're describing. Tough Nexus, tough. You will have to really watch out in order to filter out all the nut cases and the disloyal girls in that age range." I know the odds, 1 in 10 stay in love till death do them part. "In love yes, loyal no, and that's the problem. If I can give you any piece of advice, don't bother with women, just f*ck them, they just create problems, so just f*ck the ones that create the least amount of problems."

 

Don't get me wrong. I try to set my own course and not fall into the mindset of either players or beta's. Something that would thoroughly screw with my head though is finding out that a certain type/range of woman that I like, would turn out to be like the many women that the players and beta's are describing. That would seriously f*ck with my head, because that would be like an "Et tu Brute?" moment. http://bit.ly/hj4Z65

 

Anyways. 1 in 10 stay in love, 1 in 20 stay in love and loyal. Those are the numbers. I'll just focus on that 5%, what else can you do, right?

 

I had a friend like this who is NYPD. He had absolutely no fear and would dog the women constantly. He slept with literally hundreds of them by his 20s.

 

His behavior was exactly as you described and the reaction to him is exactly as described. I remember he was dating 6 women within a 4 block radius in Manhattan. I said to him, what happens if you get caught? He said - who cares. He had a primary girlfriend that looked like she stepped out of a magazine and he would cheat on her every chance he got. And he got tons of chances and did it.

 

He would pick them on the street in Manhattan before he was a cop. I hear all this crap about "game", he had no game - he just had his mouth and said whatever he wanted. He would walk up to them cold and say just about anything to them. And some of it was obnoxious, I remember him walking up to some woman in tight white pants and he told her she a great butt. I warned him he was going to get smacked, nope. Not once, NEVER did that ever happen. Instead hte women would stand there and giggle at him. Within 5 minutes he would have their number and would sleep with them within weeks.

 

He used to tell me to not think so much. Who cares what they think, do what you want and ignore them. I never could get to that point as I over think everything. I never could be that free.

 

I am starting to realize that some of the things he used to say are quite valid.

[counterman]

Some really good advice here. I would say that over-thinking things has lead me to a lot of blown opportunities... some to the point where the deal of was literally sealed until I over-thought and lost a date.

 

It's better to just go for it and not give a crap about what happens, rather than over-thinking it and not doing anything at all and you're left wondering about what could have been. I find even when the girl isn't interested and I'm rejected that I'm still smiling. Hell, I even laugh:) because what was there to be afraid of? So one girl isn't interested and perhaps many more, what's the big deal?

 

One thing I haven't tried was just saying what I completely thought to a girl. There's always something holding me back. Might give that a go.

 

Now it's been a while since I've dated - and it's right, for most guys, they need to approach girls and ask them out to get dates and avoid being alone. It's not like they "should" but they need to, or else nothing will ever happen. If girls wait and guys wait, what do we have there? Nothing happening.

 

Thing I find amusing is some of the girls that wait and wait and wait...start to get desperate and wonder why guys never ask them out. And I've noticed this among my social network. Along with that are guys that don't approach girls. Most of the couples around are friends dating friends. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but the guys will never admit it's because they were scared of approaching girls, so they'll settle for what's easy. Same can be said with the girls that just wait; they do not want to be proactive, so they settle for a friend. Again, nothing wrong with that but I can't picture going out with any of my girl friends and wouldn't want to date one of them just because they weren't getting dates elsewhere.

 

Another issue I had was trying to impress them and by doing so, I was putting them on a pedestal. Sometimes I would try to think of something witty to say or something funny and it would come out awkward. Be yourself is commonly said but it applies all the time. I felt stupid going out a conservation knowing that I wasn't completely myself.

 

Right now nothing is happening for me. Why? Because I'm not approaching women. That's the way it works. If I want that to change, I know what I have to do and will do it.

[fortyninethousand322]

Everyone understands this concept, I think what people don't understand is why people let this ruin their lives. You should have the confidence to approach every women you see. What exactly is going to happen to you that will be so terrible if you are turned down by a woman?

 

First, I should clarify that I do approach women that I have every intention to be friendly with, usually women I'm not interested in or who are otherwise not a possibility to date. I have approached women I was interested in and have been turned down before, and nothing bad happened...except I wasted my time. I go into every interaction with women I'm interested in with the expectation of being rejected. Hence, I have a hesitancy to approach women, and I have low confidence.

[Nexus One]

Well, I must say this is an interesting tidbit of information. While I do agree/disagree with some parts, sometimes I do wonder if in this culture, your cards my be better played avoiding attachment until later 20's/30's. Hm.

 

Note that the opinions described in that/my post are not my own, they are his and of some beta guys I know. I told him that I don't want to hurt girls and would probably never do what he does. About which he got a little pissed and said: "I wouldn't give you any bad advice, my advice comes from experience with hundreds of women."

 

You might not think it, but he's actually a pretty good, honest and nice guy, except for his dealings with women. But he admits it himself: "I'm addicted to women and p*ssy." I think at some point he lost respect for women. I think he got burned himself at some point in his life after which he started doing what he does.

Edited April 17, 2011 by Nexus One