rocketboy9 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 In the last 2 weeks I asked out 2 women who turned me down. I am actually ok with it. The first one is having emotional issues with an ex boyfriend and the second one despite giving me the green light insists on working with her current boyfriend on their issues first. In each case I didnt freak out and took the rejection very calmly. I even joked about it. As a matter of fact I am still quite friendly with them and there really is no awkwardness on my part or theirs. For years I have always over analyzed it, worrying about the answer. I have come to realize the answer is nowhere near as bad as the not knowing. The obsessing about the not know is much worse. I put it out there, they know my interest now and if they choose to respond to it, so be it. If not thats ok too. BTW, both were incredibly flattered. So for the guys out there, just buck up - be straight and to the point and be done with it. If she wants to go out with you, she will go. If not, its next.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Good for you! I hope more guys on here that have that fear read this and realize that it isn't the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination!
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I think most men have it. Probably 99% . I just reached a point in my own life that its so what if they said no. That being said when they said no, my world didnt come to an end . I didnt get nasty with them, cut them off nor anything like that. I was like ok and continued chatting with them like I asked them what time was it. I wasnt awkward, so they werent awkward. The one I asked last week wants to be my pal. I figure it could be worse to have good looking female friends . What matters is how you respond to it. Its all perception - is the glass 1/2 full or 1/2 empty. How you respond will determine how you feel about it.
daphne Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 It sounds like you learned this well before I did. And you saved yourself years of worrying or wondering for nothing. Better the devil you know now so you can move on and see what else is out there. Very smart.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 It sounds like you learned this well before I did. And you saved yourself years of worrying or wondering for nothing. Better the devil you know now so you can move on and see what else is out there. Very smart. Unfortunately I wished I had learned this when I was younger. I can truthfully say that when I was younger, I was not the person I am now. I have changed dramatically over time. I used to be incredibly shy around people and than somewhere it just stopped. The first place I noticed it had stopped was professionally. Than the lack of shyness spread into my social life in every place except dating. When I tell people I used to be shy, they dont believe me because I have a reputation now as a "talker". I literally talk to everyone. Now it seems to be spreading into my dating life as well. I flirt and talk to women of all ages and they love it. But I guess thats how it goes, you learn, grow and evolve over time. Whats that saying about enjoying the ride versus the destination? I just know I dont want to grow old alone and having been deprived of relationships with others my whole life.
daphne Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Wow. You remind me of me. I used to be painfully shy as well. And I forced myself to learn how to talk to people and now I can talk to most people in random situations. People don't believe me either when I tell them I used to be shy and introverted. I'm entirely too mouthy now.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 For the last few years I have been reading these PUA (Pick Up Artist) web sites on and off. I have come to the conclusion that these men really are out of their minds. They have all these canned routines, techniques and all kinds of other nonsense that read on the surface is beyond ridiculous. If you read this gibberish you realize these people are stunted emotionally. They talk about doing this and that to get the girl. But a bad thing that I see is they are actually pretty freaking mean as well. I have had my own epiphany in the last few months and realized I have a better technique than anything these guys teach. You want to know what that is? TALK TO HER LIKE A HUMAN BEING. Just be nice, express interest in her and pay attention when she speaks. Really pay attention, not pretend pay attention. Have a real conversation with her and it works wonders. Every single woman I do this connects with me on an emotional level because I am not pretending. If she wants to go out with you, she will. If not, than thats fine too. Than just be her friend with no agenda. If she wants more she will let you know. I have a memory like a steel trap and I forget nothing they say. They are usually shocked at the things I remember because I guess most men dont really pay attention when they talk. I guess my point of this for the men, is just to be yourself and actually talk to her. Of course you have to be able to carry on a conversation beyond sports and video games. Trust me, it works and you will find the women connecting to you.
AD1980 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I kinda had a similliar experience i rarely approach women and when i did a efw months ago i was denied..it felt bad at first but i had to know.. women never show interest in me and i thought she was showing signs turns out she wasnt..at first i was a little hurt but it wasnt as bad as i thought and i felt better that i tried and didnt live with what if's like i have for so many years.. It was kind of freeing but at the same time since ive never had luck with women each rejection does still feel like damn is a women ever gonna be into me type of thing..and you question your attractiveness..
CloudLiver Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Awesome, man. Congrats! The fear of rejection is pointless. Don't let anyone steal your joy! Asking girls out should be fun :-), not a test of "Will she say yes?", but "How can she say no?!" They're crazy, not you.
one goal Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I used to have fear of rejection a lot because I always got rejected. However I don't really have that feeling anymore because I'm so used to it. Just like that teacher. I grown bigger balls and asked her out. I'm probably too fearless now. I know it's hopeless because I'll never get a girlfriend anyways.
Cracker Jack Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Agreed, man. My fears of rejection has stopped me from meeting a ton of good women, and has done nothing but made me fear women instead of actually trying. Regret is already bad enough on its own and probably worse than rejection. I'm not even as scared about the idea anymore, because it's a part of life.
Imajerk17 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 It is indeed. So out of curiosity, where are you meeting women?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I need to get to this point. To be honest, I am so socially isolated that I wouldn't meet a girl, unless she walked up to my front door. And even then, I probably would be jittery. I need to get over my fear of rejection. It really isn't the end of the world. Even if she laughs at you...so what? That's her problem, not yours. She's not going to kill you for asking her out.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 In the last 2 weeks I asked out 2 women who turned me down. I am actually ok with it. The first one is having emotional issues with an ex boyfriend and the second one despite giving me the green light insists on working with her current boyfriend on their issues first. In each case I didnt freak out and took the rejection very calmly. I even joked about it. As a matter of fact I am still quite friendly with them and there really is no awkwardness on my part or theirs. For years I have always over analyzed it, worrying about the answer. I have come to realize the answer is nowhere near as bad as the not knowing. The obsessing about the not know is much worse. I put it out there, they know my interest now and if they choose to respond to it, so be it. If not thats ok too. BTW, both were incredibly flattered. So for the guys out there, just buck up - be straight and to the point and be done with it. If she wants to go out with you, she will go. If not, its next. Problem is with each rejection I get less motivated to go after the next one. You end thinking that it's not meant to be so why waste your time? It's not fear of rejection it's the expectation of it, the thought that there's no chance so why even try?
Velociraptor Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Good for you! I hope more guys on here that have that fear read this and realize that it isn't the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination! It sounds like you learned this well before I did. And you saved yourself years of worrying or wondering for nothing. Better the devil you know now so you can move on and see what else is out there. Very smart. First of all I'm not terrified of rejection or really that shy. But I do get annoyed when women make these kind of replys. You've never been rejected. You've never risked rejection. I doub't very much that any of you two have ever asked a guy out the same way the OP asked those women out. It seems kinda silly when women talk about rejection and how it's not so bad or the end of the world, when you yourself have never experienced or even risked rejection.
BeginAgain Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 If you are only interested in "befriending" them, i.e. getting played, then you have discovered the technique, but if you want more you have a long way to go. Standing around after the rejection with a sht eating grin on your face just tells them you are a guy they can exploit. You never came up to them to be just friends. The most you'll ever get out of girls who rejected you but became "friends" with are their ugly and less desirable friends as consolation prizes. That's not fair to you or their friends but these girls have no qualms or scruples. They'll even convince themselves they are doing both of you a favor since they actually think so little of you. Wait until you realize their "boyfriends" don't exist. It is a common girl tactic to deflect undesirable males with fake SO's. Hopefully after that you can remain as chipper. With time, hopefully not, you'll understand none of the excuses matter whatever their nature. It is all a pack of lies anyways. They wouldn't even be able to tell you the truth. They have so many idiotic rationalizations on top of idiotic rationalizations they wouldn't be able to find the truth in that mess.
Wolf18 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I find I only take rejection personality when it's someone I've gotten close to. There are a couple of women in my past who I got around to getting to know very well, and when I got to asking them out and they rejected me, it hurt a lot. IF this person likes my company enough to spend 2-3 days a week with me, why doesn't she like me romantically? There is probably a superficial and stupid reason for it. Sometimes I'll put the moves on a random woman at the bar or something for laughs and it just bounces off me. I am afraid of asking out a girl who is not very attractive, because if I get rejected it will make me look pretty low-status. It has happened before, new york women of all types of looks have a lot of choices.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 If you are only interested in "befriending" them, i.e. getting played, then you have discovered the technique, but if you want more you have a long way to go. Standing around after the rejection with a sht eating grin on your face just tells them you are a guy they can exploit. You never came up to them to be just friends. The most you'll ever get out of girls who rejected you but became "friends" with are their ugly and less desirable friends as consolation prizes. That's not fair to you or their friends but these girls have no qualms or scruples. They'll even convince themselves they are doing both of you a favor since they actually think so little of you. Wait until you realize their "boyfriends" don't exist. It is a common girl tactic to deflect undesirable males with fake SO's. Hopefully after that you can remain as chipper. With time, hopefully not, you'll understand none of the excuses matter whatever their nature. It is all a pack of lies anyways. They wouldn't even be able to tell you the truth. They have so many idiotic rationalizations on top of idiotic rationalizations they wouldn't be able to find the truth in that mess. The difference is that I am not getting played. They said no or made an excuse - so what. If the boyfriend is fake - so what as well. Go talk to someone else. I think the key is to get to the point it doesnt bother you . I have seen lots of guys rationalize their behavior because she did X. And so if she did do X, what does that really mean? It means nothing. She made up an excuse about some other guy instead of telling you no outright? So what, that just means you go talk to someone else. You are back to square 1. In the end it means the same thing.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 I find I only take rejection personality when it's someone I've gotten close to. There are a couple of women in my past who I got around to getting to know very well, and when I got to asking them out and they rejected me, it hurt a lot. IF this person likes my company enough to spend 2-3 days a week with me, why doesn't she like me romantically? There is probably a superficial and stupid reason for it. Sometimes I'll put the moves on a random woman at the bar or something for laughs and it just bounces off me. I am afraid of asking out a girl who is not very attractive, because if I get rejected it will make me look pretty low-status. It has happened before, new york women of all types of looks have a lot of choices. Its her loss at that point. I have experienced this first hand in the past. Just move on. I think its best to make your intentions known up front instead of waiting. If they say no, than you know where you stand.
Thedude22 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 I really wish I could get over it. I have a real problem with overtly hitting on girls for some reason. I hate complimenting people when I don't feel like they truly deserve it and let's face it that's what a lot of hitting on girls is. I can never say "you're beautiful, you're a great person, you're so interesting" when I actually find the person thoroughly mediocre. Even when I do like a girl I pathologically feel like pursuing a woman and asking her out is submissive in a way, I don't know why. I am the one asking and she is the one deciding, it makes me feel very powerless so I avoid it unless a girl is really giving me clear signs she would go out with me. Honestly I've never asked a girl out and been rejected, I am very cautious and only pull the trigger when I know I've won. As a result I get a lot less women than a man of my caliber should and I often pursue women who are only slightly above average because I feel more confident they will say yes to anything I want. Haha wrong way of thinking I know
daphne Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 It seems kinda silly when women talk about rejection and how it's not so bad or the end of the world, when you yourself have never experienced or even risked rejection. Don't be silly. Everyone's experienced rejection. And yes, when I was younger I did ask a guy out. And it sucked to be rejected. Granted, he was moving out of town, but I still took it personally. And when a guy doesn't call, that's rejection. It's interesting that you only see one way to things.
Author rocketboy9 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Posted April 16, 2011 I really wish I could get over it. I have a real problem with overtly hitting on girls for some reason. I hate complimenting people when I don't feel like they truly deserve it and let's face it that's what a lot of hitting on girls is. I can never say "you're beautiful, you're a great person, you're so interesting" when I actually find the person thoroughly mediocre. Even when I do like a girl I pathologically feel like pursuing a woman and asking her out is submissive in a way, I don't know why. I am the one asking and she is the one deciding, it makes me feel very powerless so I avoid it unless a girl is really giving me clear signs she would go out with me. Honestly I've never asked a girl out and been rejected, I am very cautious and only pull the trigger when I know I've won. As a result I get a lot less women than a man of my caliber should and I often pursue women who are only slightly above average because I feel more confident they will say yes to anything I want. Haha wrong way of thinking I know By asking someone out or expressing interest does open the window of vulnerability because you are admitting you like them. You have no control of how they react. They could be nasty or not. That being said I think you cant concern yourself with how they react. I think its better to say so what and just move on depending on their reaction. The two women I asked out I am still friendly with. Yes they know I am interested but so what. Its like a special secret now between them and me. And frankly since I asked they have become even friendlier. I dont know whether its because I expressed vulnerability or they like the attention or what. I think they are ok with me is because I am ok with them. I didnt cut them off, treat them odd or ignore them. I am just like the way I was before. I look at it this way, I can always use more friends.
start-fresh Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 Don't be silly. Everyone's experienced rejection. And yes, when I was younger I did ask a guy out. And it sucked to be rejected. Granted, he was moving out of town, but I still took it personally. And when a guy doesn't call, that's rejection. It's interesting that you only see one way to things. You just basically made his point. You asked out ONE guy in the past? Must have been rough.
Darren Taylor Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 You just basically made his point. You asked out ONE guy in the past? Must have been rough. Asking out one guy is nothing. If men stopped asking women out because they got rejected once, then what?
singlelife Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 More men need to just man up. Men are supposed to approach women. If you are too weak to move on that's on you. Most of the players you know get turned down a lot but they get more women because they approach a lot of them. I approach almost every women even if she is ugly. I flirt and have fun. Nobody ges ALL the women.
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