Dumped me August 2010, why do I still care?

[collegeguy_24]

This is something I just can't explain. Jen dumped me on August 8th, 2010, that was 9 months ago. Yet I still can't get her out of my head and heart.

 

I just don't get it, I know I love her still, but after all this time shouldn't I have just said screw it and moved on?

 

I mean, I am dating someone else now, she's been dating/FWB with an unknown number of men. One would think we have both'd moved on.

 

I tried establishing contact, she at first she was receptive, wanting to try friendship, now all she does is ignore me, pretend I don't even exist.

 

I don't know what is going on in her life, and I want to know. Not in some creepy stalker kind of way, but just because I miss her.

 

 

I don't know if she knows what is going on in my life or not, her mom might tell her, she might not, I don't know.

 

I don't even know if she cares.

 

I mean, I am with someone new, she is as well, so why do I still miss her?

 

Doesn't it make me seem like, at least from her point of view, that I am a creeper or stalker?

 

I want genuine replies here, cause I feel like I am a creeper for still thinking of her and wanting communication again.

 

I like my GF, I really do, she is nice and kind and pretty and all. But sometimes I feel like I am doing a disservice to her by thinking of the ex all the time.

 

Yet at the same time without her, I would think of the ex even more.

 

I know she really cares for me, and I do for her. I mean we are already planning our 1 year anniversary together. Our anniversary is Halloween.

 

I just don't get it, my interaction with actual people is so limited I don't know, anything.

[Exit]

Well, it is kinda bad for your new GF to be invested in this and yet you feel this way. But as you said, it seems like a necessary evil for moving on. I dated probably 2 or 3 new people while I still had thoughts of an old ex. But I knew sitting around single wouldn't help me either. It might be too late if you're coming up on one year together already, but you should really try to keep the new relationship light and open, because clearly you can't be 100% invested.

 

You're not being a stalker just for thinking of your ex and missing her. Depending on how long you were together, it still makes sense to be thinking of her. How would her mom be able to fill her in on the details of your life? Hope you aren't doing the "keeping in touch with your ex's family members" thing, not good!

[collegeguy_24]

I know my current GF is invested, and she knows my feelings and what not. I really do like her, and I honestly see a good, long term relationship with her.

 

We even talked once about this, and I would feel devastated if she broke up with me. I care deeply for her, and I hope she knows that.

 

I am in contact with my exes mom, we get along great and most of our conversations don't center around the ex, but instead of whats going on in each others lives, and such. Its good conversation and I enjoy it. She's even given me tips on how to take my current GF out for romantic evenings, which I will admit have been some good, lasting memories.

[stopthemadness]

This is something I just can't explain. Jen dumped me on August 8th, 2010, that was 9 months ago. Yet I still can't get her out of my head and heart.

 

I just don't get it, I know I love her still, but after all this time shouldn't I have just said screw it and moved on?

 

I mean, I am dating someone else now, she's been dating/FWB with an unknown number of men. One would think we have both'd moved on.

 

I tried establishing contact, she at first she was receptive, wanting to try friendship, now all she does is ignore me, pretend I don't even exist.

 

I don't know what is going on in her life, and I want to know. Not in some creepy stalker kind of way, but just because I miss her.

 

 

I don't know if she knows what is going on in my life or not, her mom might tell her, she might not, I don't know.

 

I don't even know if she cares.

 

I mean, I am with someone new, she is as well, so why do I still miss her?

 

Doesn't it make me seem like, at least from her point of view, that I am a creeper or stalker?

 

I want genuine replies here, cause I feel like I am a creeper for still thinking of her and wanting communication again.

 

I like my GF, I really do, she is nice and kind and pretty and all. But sometimes I feel like I am doing a disservice to her by thinking of the ex all the time.

 

Yet at the same time without her, I would think of the ex even more.

 

I know she really cares for me, and I do for her. I mean we are already planning our 1 year anniversary together. Our anniversary is Halloween.

 

I just don't get it, my interaction with actual people is so limited I don't know, anything.

 

 

So lets see you,ve been brokeup about 8 months and your not over her? Wow sounds familiar huh.. Ok 2days word is "therapist" (smile) but really lots of us are finding it hard to just pretend our breakups didnt just suck the life right out of us. If you ask me? Your doing great. I too tryed to get close to another person and let me tell you..I was SO not ready. But i wish I was because i know it would help from feeling lonely all the time. And no its not crazy to wonder how shes doing or what shes up to. But truth be told its none of your business anymore (sorry) so try to put all those thoughts out of your head. Just keep seeing your new person. Your not doing her any injustice if you really do like spending time with her. I do see a therapist and its helpedme tons. Maybe you might wanta look into that? Its helped me...Good luck..We can do this...

[collegeguy_24]

I know, its tough. I mean I don't want to scare the ex away, even though I highly doubt she cares.

 

I really wish I could have her in my life again, even as a friend. I just miss talking with her, sure I miss the romance, but now that I am in a relationship I won't pursue her for romance, but friendship.

 

I am a man of honor, so now that I have a GF, I won't pursue anyone else, even the ex, for romance, or sex. I just want her friendship at this point, and part of me is tempted to try to friend her on Facebook to see if she accepts or not.

[pandagirl]

I still think of my ex, too. It was about seven months ago we broke up. I miss him and I wonder how he's doing. If I get in the right boohoo mood, I'll get sad about everything. I don't want him back though.

 

I think a lot of times we have a harder time getting over the hurt that the breakup caused rather than the actual person. We're still processing the emotions, the feelings of rejection, the anger and sadness. I try to separate the two, because I know the distinction is important to realize.

 

What are you really upset about?

[Perhaps]

I doubt you're looking for just friendship with your ex. If you're still not 100% over her, then keeping in contact wouldn't be a good idea.

 

So she doesn't act like she cares - well, neither should you.

 

That said, I hope your girlfriend knows about this, because, if I was her, I wouldn't be happy to hear that.

 

Closure comes from within. And, like someone else suggested, maybe a therapist may help. It took me around a year to get over my ex but I had to realize that she didn't want me and I was wasting my precious time.

[Beeotch]

I don't see why you're in another relationship....

 

I don't respect that.

 

You heal when you heal. There is no special time frame I've learned. I have also learned that when you hop into relationships before time it is a MESS. I didn't do that, but my ex did it, 4 times. he was STILL unhappy and thinking of me, much like you are. It is a disservice to the women he's dating and pretending with and more importantly to himself. Likewise, your situation is the same. It's one thing to casually date but to go all the way to be "committed" to someone else when you're not over your ex...it's dishonest. Yea you may not be out physically cheating but knowing full well you're thinking about someone else, posting on LS about them etc. is just as bad.

 

In any case...it took me 1 yr and 10 months to FULLY be done with my ex and before I was able to genuinely like someone else, who I didn't compare to the ex. It was a journey, but I am GLAD I did it the right way, instead of trying to rush out and "get over him" by forming a insubstantial relationship with another man where I would still be unhappy thinking of my ex. Now the next person I get in a relationship with, it will be 100% authentic and I won't have secret baggage carrying around, which to me is a priceless feeling and worth the wait.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Beeotch

[Fufu]

I only can say..

 

you are not doing enough for yourself to move on completely.

[9Lives]

I learned from a book I read that the healing process is not a straight line of emotions. It is alot of today I feel good...then a couple of days later I feel bad. that is the natural cycle to healing.

 

But you have chosen to use this girl as medicine from the outside and its not reeally working cause you should have really dealt with those emotions and came to her in a emotionally better place. She is at a disadvantage messing with you cause you need to get yourself together. It has not been long enough. Six months is not long for a emotional wound.

[collegeguy_24]

Someone asked, what am I really upset about?

 

To be honest, I don't really know, it could be many things. The ex was my second relationship.

 

During my first relationship, which last just short of a year, I dumped her because she was cheating on me.

 

The ex this thread is about is my second relationship, and she dumped me. I could be upset over the fact that its the first time I was dumped.

 

Also, literally the weeks leading up the breakup, even the day before, she made promises of a long term relationship, she asked me to go ahead and plan our 1 year anniversary, the day before she dumped me.

 

Another things thats upsetting is she was never really honest with me. SHe always told half truths and such.

 

Looking at all that I don't know why I still have feelings for her.

 

Someone once suggested that its because she was the first love, the first person I could see myself with for a lifetime, and it didn't help that she encouraged such thinking.

 

My current GF, she knows all this. We were friends before we started dating. We first met in a collage class and started hanging out getting to know each other, but we weren't dating either. She had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship like around the same time as my breakup occurred.

 

Then she suddenly took the plunge and asked me for a date, even after knowing all of the above.

 

We were in an open relationship till February, where we decided to try a committed one.

[welikeincrowds]

You were cheated on and then you were dumped. You've had some pretty rough experiences and it's just difficult to cope with all that stuff. The brain is only so powerful, only so quick at changing gears and dealing with all those chemicals.

 

And now, to make it worse, you're feeling like a bad boyfriend, and someone who can't handle what's happening in your own life. All of these details together describe someone who is "not good enough."

 

I feel for you, man. You come off like a decent, good guy and I am certain that you are good enough and did not deserve this level of misfortune. I wish you all the strength that you deserve, to have the life that you deserve, where you are recognized as being good enough to be happy, and to appreciate that the happiness you can give to others is very, very, very valuable.

[9Lives]

You are definately a decent good guy but not a very strong and powerful one and that is the weapon you need now. Look, the game has shifted now. Stop playing checkers and start playing Chess. Screw her!!! She is not a friend or worth a damm at this time. She dont love you. She dont want you. She is good with her decision. So all you doing is prolonging the obvious. She probably just got done getting her nails and pedi done and on her way to have a drink with her man.

 

She aint worth another thought dude!! She is happy and moving forward.

[collegeguy_24]

After thinking it over, and talk with my brother, I think I have come to a possible understanding of my thought process.

 

The ex, Jen, is the first person to dump me, and she did it in a horrific way. Even she admits that, she admitted even 6 months after leaving me.

 

Going over our last email exchange, she told me she did love me, but she was not ready to be fully open with someone. Not again. and thats why she left.

 

I was angry cause she left me for another man, and I am assuming she reverted back to the same pattern she had before she met me, which was FWBs with no actual relationship.

 

Even though she was the first person I could see spending my life with, and even though I want her still, maybe its not for the best, not right now at least.

 

Maybe in the future we can try contact again, after more time has gone by, and after my feelings degrade a bit. I do want her in my life, even as a friend, but perhaps right now, at this moment, its not the best.

 

I will admit, I have spent countless hours looking up on how to get exes back, whether as lovers again or friends, the one thing they have in common is time and NC. Let them come to you.

 

THere is no guaranteeing that it will work, but it also serves a dual purpose of allowing me to heal, even though I think I would be better off healing if her and I were in communication, the feeling of rejection hurts and I would give anything to talk with her again, cause if I can physically see she is moving on it may certainly help me move on better as it helps reinforce it.

[GrayClouds]

This is about abandonment issues not love. Until you spend time on those moving on will be hard and quality relationships will difficult to find.

[9Lives]

After thinking it over, and talk with my brother, I think I have come to a possible understanding of my thought process.

 

The ex, Jen, is the first person to dump me, and she did it in a horrific way. Even she admits that, she admitted even 6 months after leaving me.

 

Going over our last email exchange, she told me she did love me, but she was not ready to be fully open with someone. Not again. and thats why she left.

I was angry cause she left me for another man, and I am assuming she reverted back to the same pattern she had before she met me, which was FWBs with no actual relationship.

Even though she was the first person I could see spending my life with, and even though I want her still, maybe its not for the best, not right now at least.

 

Maybe in the future we can try contact again, after more time has gone by, and after my feelings degrade a bit. I do want her in my life, even as a friend, but perhaps right now, at this moment, its not the best.

 

I will admit, I have spent countless hours looking up on how to get exes back, whether as lovers again or friends, the one thing they have in common is time and NC. Let them come to you.

 

THere is no guaranteeing that it will work, but it also serves a dual purpose of allowing me to heal, even though I think I would be better off healing if her and I were in communication, the feeling of rejection hurts and I would give anything to talk with her again, cause if I can physically see she is moving on it may certainly help me move on better as it helps reinforce it.

 

This is so LAME!! She is not attracted to you anymore because you are showing her how weak you are. Im telling you the truth even tho it sounds kinda mean. You are so pitiful right now. She doesnt even sound like a good catch. More like a guppie instead of a fish here. guppies are lame but I guess this is the best you can do. Oh well.