amg29 Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Ok, my SO is friends with this girl from a town nearby. Years ago they dated, but it was one date and they just were better just friends. About a month ago, I found out that this OW was talking about getting some friends together and going to a water park. And apparently he said " It would be better if it was just us". I guess he was also trying to find out her bikini size too. I know a couple times, they have talked about going to a bar, just them. Why can't I go along? My SO has told me stories about how he used to get drunk and the next morning would wake up with a girl in his bed. Around Halloween he had to go get a friend at a party and he stayed and got drunk. He says she wasn't there. Come to find out she was. He was out til 4:30 that morning. So I thought if he is her friend, maybe for his sake I could be friends with her as well. Well, just by going on her FB page, he threw a fit. He said that if I contacted her, he was going to be pissed and probably break up with me.
2long Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Seems like you already know the answer 2 your question. Simply ask him if he says or does anything with his "friend" that he wouldn't do in front of you. Since he's already indicated as much, you and he know this is an affair, not a friendship. You are 42nate that you aren't married. I would run screaming from the room, if I were you. There are plenty of fish in the aquarium. best, -ol' 2long
Woman In Blue Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 So I thought if he is her friend, maybe for his sake I could be friends with her as well. Well, just by going on her FB page, he threw a fit. He said that if I contacted her, he was going to be pissed and probably break up with me. May I ask why you're dating a douche nozzle? Surely, there are better guys to date than this imbecile? You can continue to let this selfish jerk-off have his fun and control you, or you can kick his worthless ass to the curb so fast you'll have to FedEx his shadow to him the next day. I vote for the FedEx option.
Spark1111 Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 Ok, my SO is friends with this girl from a town nearby. Years ago they dated, but it was one date and they just were better just friends. About a month ago, I found out that this OW was talking about getting some friends together and going to a water park. And apparently he said " It would be better if it was just us". I guess he was also trying to find out her bikini size too. I know a couple times, they have talked about going to a bar, just them. Why can't I go along? My SO has told me stories about how he used to get drunk and the next morning would wake up with a girl in his bed. Around Halloween he had to go get a friend at a party and he stayed and got drunk. He says she wasn't there. Come to find out she was. He was out til 4:30 that morning. So I thought if he is her friend, maybe for his sake I could be friends with her as well. Well, just by going on her FB page, he threw a fit. He said that if I contacted her, he was going to be pissed and probably break up with me. Anyone who is NOT a friend of the relationship (meaning BOTH OF YOU) is not your friend. And she should not be his either IF he is committed to you! It sounds as if he is trawling the waters to guage her level of interest in him. You have three choices: Tell him to end the friendship immediately as it threatens both you and your relationship with him, OR Befriend her, show up where they are, and keep running interference until you scare her off, or Say buh-bye you inconsiderate jerk.
Author amg29 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 No he don't drink anymore. I am so stupid for believing he would change
Goldenspoon Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 He says she wasn't there. Come to find out she was. He was out til 4:30 that morning. So I thought if he is her friend, maybe for his sake I could be friends with her as well. Well, just by going on her FB page, he threw a fit. He said that if I contacted her, he was going to be pissed and probably break up with me. Let's face the facts: Fact 1: He is a liar. He lied to your face that she was not there. Does he think you're stupid? Fact 2: He wants to exclude you when he is with her. Use your brain. Fact 3: He got mad just because the simple fact that you checked out her facebook. Seriously? Fact 4: He threated to break up with you for calling a girl who he has been spending time with and lied about after it occured (see fact 1). Fact 5: You have low self-esteem and low expectation by dating and staying with this liar and most likely also a cheater. Face this fact. Now, what are you going to do about all this?
carhill Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Well, he did change his drinking, and I commend him for that. Unfortunately, that positive place didn't transit to relationship skills. From my readings of this post back in November 2010, it appears this issue has been pushing your buttons for some time. My advice would be to take some alone time to resolve the issues from your past abusive relationship(s) and perhaps adjust your 'people-picker' in the future. If possible, in the future, consider living alone longer when dating/in a relationship to better evaluate the long-term potential of the dynamic. This makes disconnecting easier if red-flags show up. My read is you had/have insecurities from past experiences and this guy played them like a fiddle, whether purposely or not. Sorry
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