applestar Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 me and my ex just broke up a few days ago. today a few moments ago we had a conversation solidifying and putting closure to it. he said he just didn't see us together right now and felt much better as just being friends. he said he thinks we just fit better as friends and he has not had that intimate feeling of loving someone or ever thinking he will ever love me. it hurts, but it doesn't hurt as much as the last time we went on a 'break/break up'. i'm ok with NC but the only thing keeping me from wanting to do it is that i'm scared he will find another person very soon without me as any type of influence or involvement in his life. he's a very flirty person and he is good looking so a lot of girls like him and it seems if he really wanted to or tried to, he can get any girl he might like. i'm so scared of that because i just really want that one last and final chance to get back with him to see if we can make things happen. after all, we were only together officially for barely 9 months. i don't believe love happens so soon and i told him but he said that for him, he doesnt have that same feeling he had with all his other exes when he dated them, that confirming feeling that he may love them or can really grow to love them. what can i do to make this happen with us? our breakup was so random - we were literally happy and fine one day and then the very next next day he just did a 180 and just said all this stuff and wnated to break up. we used to argue a lot but ever since we got back together we have barely argued and in fact things got much better and felt like they were getting better. even he knows this but he said that sometimes i do things that would kind of turn him off and it made him question his feelings for him. doesn't everyone have a turn off? things about him are sometimes a turn off but i dont jump to conclusions thinking i am going to break up with him. he said he was breaking up bc of this way he felt and also that he didn't want to drag me even more and that he didn't want to hurt me anymore. he said he knows i can do better and find someone better for me and that he didn't want to keep 'trying' if there just wasn't any motivation behind it to try again. what can i do so that i can show him that all those times that it seemed a turn off was just my way of awkwardly handling moments when i was upset or frustrated at him? girls are not as verbal about the way they feel and how they express it & get more upset, making it seem like they are mad about nothing. i just want him to give me another try just like i did to him with our last break up and i want him to really try and be motivated to. i'm just scared he might find another girl to rebound to or replace me during NC.
geegirl Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 he said he was breaking up bc of this way he felt and also that he didn't want to drag me even more and that he didn't want to hurt me anymore. he said he knows i can do better and find someone better for me and that he didn't want to keep 'trying' if there just wasn't any motivation behind it to try again. what can i do so that i can show him that all those times that it seemed a turn off was just my way of awkwardly handling moments when i was upset or frustrated at him? girls are not as verbal about the way they feel and how they express it & get more upset, making it seem like they are mad about nothing. i just want him to give me another try just like i did to him with our last break up and i want him to really try and be motivated to. i'm just scared he might find another girl to rebound to or replace me during NC. You can't force someone to try and you can't force someone to motivate themselves to do what you believe is right for you and the relationship. You can't force someone to value the R just because you value the R. You can't force someone to see potential just because you see potential. If he wants you, whether NC or not, he will come for you. You can move halfway across the world, and if he values the R and you and wants to work it out, he will come for you. He will choose to venture out with someone else whether rebound or not, simply because he chooses to do so. It will not be because you are on NC.
Beeotch Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) You can't force someone to try and you can't force someone to motivate themselves to do what you believe is right for you and the relationship. You can't force someone to value the R just because you value the R. You can't force someone to see potential just because you see potential. If he wants you, whether NC or not, he will come for you. You can move halfway across the world, and if he values the R and you and wants to work it out, he will come for you. He will choose to venture out with someone else whether rebound or not, simply because he chooses to do so. It will not be because you are on NC. We're just on the same wave length! Yepp agreed.... If someone tells you they don't want you, believe them. Why would you want to be with someone you have to coerce and convince to be with you? It's not worth it. Better to let him go and wait for the person who wants to work things out and who chooses you FULLY as you choose him. Even if his mind can be changed...that has to be of his own accord, as you live your life away from him, and not by you not doing NC and trying to be his friend or whatever else so he will want you more. It won't work. If you try to be with someone who says they don't want you: you're in for a WORLD of headaches and drama and you will be climbing up a huuuge mountain with many hurdles and bullets to dodge as you try to force this person to love you or want you. Edited April 13, 2011 by Beeotch
Fufu Posted April 13, 2011 Posted April 13, 2011 If someone tells you they don't want you, believe them. Listen to this phrase from Beeotch, as well as the advice from geegirl. NC is not scary, in time to come NC will become your best friend NC is solely for yourself to heal your emotional wounds and rediscover yourself.
Author applestar Posted April 13, 2011 Author Posted April 13, 2011 thanks for the advice everyone. im not purposely trying to force him to try again.. its just that i know that it can work if we had a third time to try.. and i think a lot of the stuff hes going through right now was what was contributing to his breaking up with me.. but he said that he wanted to give it some time and if he has the feelings to try again then he will.. he said he really wants to give us that chance but that for right now at this moment he just wants to not be in a relationship and take some time to just stay as friends.. i guess its just that i wish so much that i can find out what could happen that could make him rethink things and think about taking that try one more time.
Fufu Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 its just that i know that it can work if we had a third time to try. This is true I believe problems in relationship that triggered couple to split can work out. However, right now, if one of a partner does not want to work out, the relationship is hard to sustain. For now, focus on yourself Do something that maybe you've been neglecting yourself when you were in relationship.
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